


The Caged Bird Sings of Freedom

by StarPrince_Punk



Series: My Dream SMP Fics [1]
Category: Dream SMP - Fandom, Minecraft (Video Game)
Genre: Adoptive Parent Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, BAMF Technoblade (Video Blogging RPF), Character Study, Dadza, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Enderman Hybrid Ranboo (Video Blogging RPF), First Meetings, Flashbacks, Fluff and Angst, Found Family, Gen, Hair Braiding, Hair Brushing, Hurt Technoblade (Video Blogging RPF), Hurt/Comfort, I REPEAT THIS IS NOT RPF, I gave techno a backstory, Phil Watson-centric (Video Blogging RPF), Platonic Relationships, Pretty much canon compliant, Ranboo-centric (Video Blogging RPF), Self-Worth Issues, Sparring, Swordfighting, THIS IS ABOUT THE FICTIONAL CHARACTERS THEY PLAY ON THE DREAM SMP, Technoblade Has a Heart (Video Blogging RPF), Technoblade Hears Voices (Video Blogging RPF), Technoblade-centric (Video Blogging RPF), Video Game Mechanics, Wilbur Soot and Technoblade and TommyInnit are Siblings, Winged Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), can you believe that I'm writing frickin Minecraft fanfiction?, despite what the tags may say, me neither man, mention of past assisted suicide (Wilbur), remember that every one of these characters is flawed, this is not RPF
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-09
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-12 08:40:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 39,933
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28632639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StarPrince_Punk/pseuds/StarPrince_Punk
Summary: The Blade's stance was still tense, his body prepared to fight at a moment’s notice if need be.“What’s your name?” Phil asked“My… name?” The Blade asked.“Yeah. Your name isn’t actually The Blade, right? That’s like a stage name?” Phil tried to keep his tone light. “What’s your real name?”The Blade hesitated. “No one… No one’s called me by my name in a long time.”-------When Phil comes across Ranboo in his panic room after L'Manberg's destruction, it reminds him of when he first met Technoblade. And just like when he met Techno, Phil's first instinct is that he has to help this kid. While living together, Techno and Ranboo learn that they're much more similar than they had previously thought, and Phil learns that it's not too late for him to be a better dad.(This is NOT RPF!! THIS IS ABOUT THE FICTIONAL CHARACTERS that they play on the Dream SMP!! It is NOT about the creators!!)
Relationships: No Romantic Relationship(s), Ranboo & Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Ranboo & Technoblade & Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Ranboo & Technoblade (Video Blogging RPF), Technoblade & Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF)
Series: My Dream SMP Fics [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2123094
Comments: 510
Kudos: 3874





	1. Leaving the Cage, Entering the Nest

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I literally can't believe I'm writing Minecraft fanfiction but the Dream SMP is just so good and inspiring that I couldn't hold back. After I finished watching the streams from the day L'Manberg blew up I then wrote 4k words in a night lmao. I decided I might as well publish it. Enjoy the fic!

Phil walked around the outskirts of L’Manberg - or more so, the giant crater in the ground that had once been L’Manberg. He was looking for any more of Techno’s dogs that may have gotten lost during the battle. He searched around the rolling hills beside the winding rivers outside of the former city.

When he suddenly heard enderman noises.

Phil’s ears perked up, his wings shuffling behind him. Strange. Enderman usually didn’t stay out this far into the daytime. And it had rained earlier, just after the main part of the battle - a thunderstorm. Surely the rain would’ve chased any enderman away.

But Phil heard the noises, as clear as day.

And even more strange, it sounded like the noises were _directly underneath him_.

Phil’s eyebrows furrowed. It sounded too close to the surface to be a cave - at least, not a naturally occurring one. Deciding to humor his curiosity, he began to search for a cave entrance on the side of the riverbank below him.

What he did not expect to find was a small room lined with obsidian - and in the center of the room, he saw a familiar child. Crying.

“Ranboo?”

The boy flinched and looked up. “Oh, h-hi Phil.”

Ranboo was sitting in the very middle of the tiny room. His long, lanky legs were bent and tucked against his chest, his arms hugged around himself, trying to give himself some form of comfort.

Phil didn’t like the sinking pit in his stomach that this room was making him feel. The dark walls, the hastily-written messages scratched into them, the young man with tears in his eyes - it reminded him too much of his meeting with Wilbur. The only thing missing was a button.

“Are you making those enderman noises?” Phil asked.

“Y-Yeah, I… I do that. When I’m under a lot of stress.”

“I see.”

Phil’s eyes scanned over some of the carvings on the walls - _‘You are fine.’ ‘Don’t choose a side, choose people.’ ‘DREAM IS THE REASON.’_

“What is this place?”

“It’s my-” Ranboo cut himself off with a weak laugh. “I-It’s nothing. It’s just my panic room.”

“Your… panic room?”

“Yeah. I come here when I start freaking out. When I need to… to be alone.”

Silence, just for a moment.

Then Ranboo spoke up again. “Thanks for not attacking me. During the fight, I mean. You and Techno both.”

“We didn’t have any quarrel with you. It was no problem,” Phil answered.

Ranboo scoffed. “No quarrel with me. I was Tubbo’s right hand man! I was as much a part of the government as he was!” He dragged a hand over his face. “I… I even helped him and the others when they tried to execute Techno. Gods, what’s wrong with me?”

Phil chose to ignore the boy’s rhetorical question. “Even so, you helped Techno, too - after the fact. You helped us both. I feel like you helped us more than you helped Tubbo and the others.”

The words, spoken so casually by Phil, cut deep into Ranboo’s heart like a knife. The idea that he may have helped some people more than others sounded like picking a _side_ to him. And he didn’t want to pick sides. He just wanted everyone to get along and be happy again.

“I… I tried to help everyone,” Ranboo finally said back. “But in the end, that just made me _hurt_ everyone.” He hugged his knees into his chest even more, trying to make himself smaller - a difficult task for a kid that tall. He began to mumble to himself under his breath, but Phil could still hear him. “Why would you do that? What’s wrong with you? …No, no, this was what I had to do. It was the _right_ thing to do. It was… No. We don’t know what’s right anymore.” 

And, while the scene in front of Phil had at first reminded him of Wilbur, it now reminded him much more of one of his other sons - or at least, one of the other boys that he loved like a son.

Technoblade.

──────────

Phil first met Techno many years ago, when they were both much younger. Back then, in those early days, Techno’s behavior was… _different_. But that’s what happens when people are constantly hurt and mistreated and never given any support.

But before Phil could arrive with that support, Techno was not yet the confident, independent, outspoken man that he was today.

Phil had been traveling on his own at the time - no boys yet to take care of back at home. He hopped through server portal after server portal, visiting lands far and wide.

One day, he had briefly stopped in a large city to restock on supplies. In the city square, the locals were bustling with excitement, and Phil quickly gathered from the passerby conversations that a very popular gladiator tournament would be happening soon.

Phil decided it wouldn’t hurt to go watch it as well.

Sitting in the huge colosseum, he gazed down at the arena below him. He had retracted his wings so that the people behind him could have a clear view of the fights below. The rules of the tournament were simple - a popular gladiator from the city would fight opponent after opponent, each more challenging than the last.

Phil didn’t remember the gladiator’s name, but he remembered that he looked tough in his enchanted diamond armor - as this was before the discovery of netherite. Still, there didn’t seem to be anything special about him. Just another strong fighter in a world full of strong fighters.

The gladiator fought each challenge placed before him. He easily beat a group of iron golems, then a pack of wither skeletons. After that, he fought his way through a horde of zombie pigmen, and then managed to defeat a couple of ravagers.

Judging by this pattern, it looked like all of the gladiator’s foes were going to be mobs, not other warriors. Phil’s face fell slightly in disappointment. Sure, fighting difficult mobs were fun to watch, but person-vs-person combat was like watching a dance. A deadly, beautiful, captivating dance - much more interesting than a person fighting some mindless creatures.

After the gladiator defeated the last ravager, panting heavily and throwing down a healing potion, the voice of the announcer echoed through the stadium.

_“Our hero must now face the final opponent - the most powerful foe he has yet to face!”_

A large gate on the edge of the stage below began to slowly roll open. The shadow of a figure began to stretch out in front of it as the opponent approached. The announcer continued his dramatic voice.

 _“Will our hero survive? Or will he fall like the others have before him? What will he do when he comes face to face with…_ **_The Blade_ ** _?”_

The crowd erupted into thunderous applause just as the tall figure stepped into the sunlight streaming down from the open colosseum roof. This final opponent - The Blade - seemed to be some sort of pig mob that Phil had never seen before.

But then Phil looked closer, and realized that The Blade _wasn’t a mob at all_ . He was a _person_ , just wearing a mask that looked like a pig’s face. The Blade had long, pink hair that was kept in a braid behind his back, and he carried an enchanted diamond sword. Like the gladiator, he also wore enchanted diamond armor.

 _‘Finally,’_ Phil thought with a smile, _‘an interesting fight.’_

The crowd seemed to roar louder and louder as The Blade stepped farther into the center of the arena. Phil couldn’t tell if they were cheering for the gladiator or The Blade - or if they were just cheering for bloodshed. Either way, they seemed to get very excited by The Blade’s appearance.

The sound of a bell rang through the stadium, and the battle started.

And as Phil had predicted, it was like a dance, as battles between two powerful warriors often are.

The Blade immediately threw down splash potions as soon as the bell had rung, buffing him up before lunging at the gladiator, his sword at the ready. The gladiator managed to parry the blow, but it knocked him off his balance. The Blade kept slashing away at him, keeping the gladiator on the defensive. The gladiator finally managed to heave his shield up, but he wasn’t prepared for The Blade to quickly switch from his sword to a diamond axe. Leaping into the high ground, The Blade slammed his axe down on the gladiator’s shield, cleaving it clean in two. The crowd went wild at the sight.

The gladiator stumbled backwards. The Blade’s eyes stayed locked on him as he rushed forward, moving in such an inhuman way - as if he was a machine programmed to take the most efficient route possible based on split-second calculations. The Blade looked _hungry_. He was snarling, revealing two of his bottom teeth that looked sharp enough to be considered tusks.

And the crowd continued to cheer, even though The Blade was winning. At this point, it was clear to Phil that the audience didn’t care who won. They were just here for entertainment. For _blood_.

The Blade may not have been a mob, but the audience sure seemed to think of him as a monster.

He sure seemed to _fight_ like a monster.

At least at first glance. As Phil continued to watch the duel, he couldn’t help but grow more and more in awe of The Blade’s skill. It was very complex - something an inexperienced eye might not be able to see. But Phil saw. Phil was an experienced and talented fighter himself, so he could recognize just how nuanced The Blade’s skill really was. 

The Blade moved with a focused, incredible precision. Everything about fighting style screamed pure, aggressive _power_. Like a tank on the front lines of an army. He didn’t even look like he was injured at all, despite the fight going on for so long.

But The Blade was more than that as well. That power would be nothing if it wasn’t for the strategic, calculated moves behind his tactics. That mix of human intelligence with the overwhelming, terrifying, inhuman strength - that was what left Phil in awe.

With a final blow from The Blade’s sword, the gladiator was defeated. His body fell limply to the ground - a large gash across his face and neck. It then disappeared from the arena grounds - off to respawn - leaving his armor and all his items behind.

The crowd went wild, and the announcer’s voice came booming through the stadium again, saying that the gladiator had lost - although not sounding at all sad about it.

And very suddenly, as soon as The Blade had left the arena, all of Phil’s awe turned into overflowing curiosity.

He got up from his seat and decided he wanted to pay a certain someone a visit.

A benefit about being Phil was that people knew him - or moreso, they knew _of_ him. They’d heard the legends attached to his name, of the man that had survived for years upon _years_ with only one life.

So when he asked the tournament host that he wanted to speak to The Blade, the host gladly let him. Anything for the legendary Philza.

When all the final ceremonies of the tournament had finished, the host led Phil down a dark corridor under the colosseum. It was lit by torches every few feet - enough to just barely be able to see. Along the way, they passed by rooms full to the brim with mobs, all locked behind iron bars. There were more ravagers, wither skeletons - all the creatures that the gladiator had faced.

And at the very end of the corridor, sitting behind more iron bars, was The Blade.

“Here it is,” the tournament host said, and the words caused a new, unsettling feeling to form in Phil’s stomach. “All it’s weapons and items get taken away after the fight, so you don’t have to worry about it stabbing you through the bars.”

The host laughed. Phil did not.

But the host didn’t seem to notice. “You’ll know the way back when you leave, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Phil managed to answer back, his eyes not able to tear away from the man behind the iron bars. The Blade sat in the middle of the stone floor of his enclosure. He was scratching his head, at the space just above his ear. His back faced Phil. 

The host turned and left down the corridor, leaving Phil alone with The Blade.

The Blade did not turn around to look at Phil. He didn’t even seem to notice Phil had arrived. He just sat there, murmuring something quiet to himself, in the center of his… of his _cage_ , barely lit by a couple torches on the walls.

Phil’s curiosity was still burning inside him, but it was now joined by something else. Something else burning just as strongly. _Anger._ Why was this legendary warrior being treated like an animal?

Phil took a deep breath, and finally spoke. “Hello.”

The Blade grunted, whipping his head around to face Phil - the blank, white eyes of the pig mask locking with Phil’s own.

And now that Phil could see his face - or at least, _part_ of his face - up close like this, he saw that The Blade was much _younger_ than he’d previously thought.

The Blade was just a kid. A teenager. He couldn’t be more than sixteen years old.

The anger inside Phil strengthened tenfold - his brain rushing with an overwhelming feeling that _he had to fix this. He had to save this kid._

He tried to keep a calm and collected demeanor on the outside. “Um, hello?” He repeated.

The Blade arched his back like a hissing cat. Baring his teeth, he growled - actually _growled_ \- like a wild mob.

After being treated like an animal for so long, it seemed that The Blade couldn’t help but behave like one in return.

“W-Whoa! Hey- Hey there, mate.” Phil held his hands up, showing his empty hands free of any weapons. “I’m not here to hurt you. I just wanted to talk with you.”

The Blade’s defensive posture relaxed slightly - only slightly. His growling receded, but he was still clearly on high alert. He stood up and turned his full body to face Phil. And damn, for someone so young, The Blade was _very_ tall.

“Talk?” The Blade asked. His voice was deep and rumbling, matching his appearance perfectly.

“Yeah. Talk.” Phil put down his hands and straightened his back. “I was watching you fight out there today. I just… I just wanted to tell you that you are, without a doubt, the _greatest_ fighter I have ever seen.”

The Blade cocked his head to the side like a confused dog. His stance was still tense, his body prepared to fight at a moment’s notice if need be. He didn’t respond, as if he didn’t even process the compliment.

In the silence, Phil continued. “What’s your name?”

“My… _name_?” The Blade asked, sounding even more confused than before.

“Yeah. Your name isn’t actually _The Blade_ , right? That’s like a stage name?” Phil tried to keep his tone light. “What’s your real name?”

The Blade didn’t answer right away. He scratched at the side of his head, just like he had been when Phil first arrived. Finally, he said, “No one… No one’s called me by my name in a long time.”

Phil blinked. “…Do you remember it?”

The Blade nodded, but didn’t speak, like his name was too precious of a secret for Phil to know - like it was the one thing The Blade had all to himself. His last shred of humanity.

“Can I know what it is?” Phil asked tentatively.

Again, The Blade didn’t respond. He turned around and paced to the back of his enclosure, bracing a hand against the stone wall. With his other hand, he scratched at his head - a bit more forcefully this time. He looked at the floor and began to mumble to himself. His words were quiet. Phil could only just barely make out what he was saying - “No, no, shut up. Not… Not now. I think… I think this might be okay… Oh my gods, can you guys shut up for five seconds? I’m tryin' to-”

“Blade?” Phil spoke up. “Is there someone else there?”

“ _No_ ,” The Blade said back, too fast and too forceful to sound like the truth. He looked at Phil again. “It’s nothin'.”

“Okay then.” Phil didn’t know what else to say. He wasn’t getting anywhere, no matter what he asked. “So, are you gonna tell me your name? I mean, it’s okay if you don’t want to. Should I just call you Blade?”

The Blade stared at him. “Who _are_ you?” He asked suddenly.

The question caught Phil by surprise. “Oh! Right. I suppose I could introduce myself first. I’m Philza.” When The Blade had no reaction of recognition to his name, he added, “You can just just call me Phil, though.”

“Alright, _Phil_ , but who _are_ you?” The Blade stepped forward, stalking right up the iron bars of his cage, the closest to Phil he’d come. When they were right next to each other like this, Phil could see that The Blade was practically the same height as him. Maybe even a bit taller. “Who are you and _why_ have you come to see me?”

“I told you already, mate. I wanted to tell you how amazing of a job you did out there,” Phil answered, keeping his voice steady and strong despite the hulking figure in front of him. “As for who I am, you could say that I’m a pretty experienced fighter myself.”

“So you wanna duel me? Is that it?” The Blade snarled. “You wanna test your strength?”

“No, no, I don’t want to fight.” Phil let out an incredulous laugh. “I just… I really just wanted to meet you, dude. But now that I have,” Phil looked around at the iron bars, at the dim torches, “Now my mind’s full of a million more questions.”

“Like what?” The Blade asked, like he could see nothing wrong with his situation.

“Like _what_ ? Seriously?!” Phil sputtered in disbelief. “They- They’re keeping you in a _cage_! Like you’re an animal!”

The Blade didn’t react. He glanced around at his enclosure and shrugged. “Safer this way.”

“Safer?”

“Safer for _them_.” The Blade gestured to vaguely down the corridor - to the exit. “For everyone else out there.”

Phil’s eyebrows furrowed. “How do you mean?”

“If I was let out of here, I’d just try to hurt everyone I saw. I wouldn’t be able to stop myself.”

The admission took Phil aback. The Blade had stated it like it was common knowledge. Like it was a fact of life. Like it was _nothing_. “I doubt that. I mean, I’m right here in front of you, and you’re not trying to claw at me through the bars or something.”

The Blade let out a laugh - a sad ‘oh, if only you knew’ kind of laugh. He scratched at the side of his head some more. “I’m tryin' my best.”

Phil frowned. “No. No, this isn’t right. You shouldn’t be living like this.”

The Blade tensed, going on the defensive again. 

“I saw you out there today,” Phil continued. “You’re more than powerful enough to be able to escape this place single-handedly if you tried. You could leave.”

“And why should I do that?!” The Blade took a step back, away from the iron bars. “And- And why do _you_ care so much? You don’t even know me!”

“I know that you’re not a monster. I know that much, for sure.”

The aggression drained from The Blade’s face. He stared at Phil, like those words had held the weight of the world. Then he let out a quiet laugh. He mumbled to himself, “Can you guys believe this?” Then louder, to Phil, he said, “I don’t think you know me at all. And you should stop tryin' to.”

“No, I _saw_ you fight out there,” Phil made sure his words were strong and full of conviction. “You weren’t a monster. You weren’t some feral, unthinking beast like the mobs that came out before you. Every move you made was perfectly precise and calculated. You _thought_ before you acted. I could tell!” Phil paused, softening his tone. “If you can think before you act out there, in the middle of a fight, then you can think before you act whenever you need to. You’d be able to hold yourself back if you were let out of this cage. You wouldn’t just attack the first person that you saw.”

The Blade continued to stare at him. His expression was hard to read with his mask on, but judging by his mouth slightly gaping open, it was safe to say he was in awe.

“I could help you escape, y’know?” Phil continued, a smile growing on his face now. He could go for a prison break right now. Could be fun. “And I could help you after you’ve left this place, too. I’m traveling at the moment. You could come with me.” _‘Anything to get this poor kid out of this horrible place,’_ he thought to himself.

The Blade finally broke out of his shock. He scoffed. “You say that now, but you wouldn’t wanna travel with me. You… You seem like a nice guy, Phil. I’m not gonna lie. But me, I…” His voice got quieter, “I’m dangerous.”

At that, Phil chuckled. “You really don’t know who I am, do you?”

The Blade tilted his head to the side. “No, of course not. That’s why I asked you before. _Should_ I know you?”

Phil laughed. So this boy really hadn’t heard the stories. He hadn’t heard of how Phil had slain some of the most deadly creatures across the worlds, how he’d survived for years and _years_ with just one life. He hadn’t heard how Phil had won competitions of his own, how he was no stranger when it came to fighting other warriors as well.

The Blade hadn’t heard how Phil could be considered _dangerous_ , too.

“I’ll tell you more about myself if you leave with me,” Phil said. “After I help you escape.”

“What makes you think that _you_ would be able to help me escape, anyway?”

At that, Phil laughed again, a bit louder this time - in that ‘oh, if only you knew’ way. “How about I break this lock and you follow me out of here. Then you could find out.”

And with that, Phil un-retracted his wings from his back, letting them unfurl behind him freely.

The Blade’s jaw dropped. “You… You have an elytra…”

“So how about it?” Phil asked again. “You coming with me?”

The Blade hesitated. He looked around the stone walls of his enclosure - taking in the sight for a final time. After a moment, The Blade finally faced Phil again. “Sure. Let’s go.”

Phil smiled. It would be fun to travel with such a talented fighter as a partner. Plus, he was rescuing a kid from horrible circumstances. Two rewards from one escape mission.

Summoning his diamond sword, Phil stabbed it straight through the lock of The Blade’s cage. The iron bars swung open like a huge gate, creaking on its old hinges. “First step will be to grab some items for you. Then we’ll book it out of here.”

The Blade stared at the space the bars once took up, amazing that he might actually, _finally_ , be free. And it would be okay. Maybe. Hopefully. 

“Technoblade.”

Phil squinted. “Hm?”

“That’s my name,” Technoblade clarified. “You can… You can just call me Techno, though.”

Phil smiled. “Alright, Techno. Let’s get you outta here.”

──────────

Phil pulled himself out of the memory. In front of him, Ranboo was still mumbling in the middle of his small, obsidian room. An obsidian _cage_.

This really _was_ familiar - Overly tall child? Check. Talking to himself? Check. Sitting in the middle of enclosed space? Check.

In Phil’s mind, there was only one logical next step he could take.

“Do you need a place to stay?” He asked.

Ranboo perked up and met Phil’s eyes. “W-What?”

“Your house kinda got blown up along with everything else, didn’t it?” Phil let out a light laugh. “So with it gone, do you need a place to stay?”

Ranboo was hesitant - just like Techno was back then, all those years ago. But Phil was patient. If raising his sons had taught him anything, it was patience.

And soon enough, Ranboo responded, “…Yeah. I think I do need a place to stay.”

Phil smiled. “C’mon. Let’s get you to the cottage. You could probably use a healing potion, too, since that wither chased you around.”

“Won’t Techno mind?”

“Nah. In fact, he told me earlier that he’d be fine with it,” Phil said, and then thought to himself, _‘He’s used to me bringing home new younger brothers for him.’_

Ranboo contemplated his decision for another moment, looking at the ground. He peeled one of his arms away from its tight hold around his bent legs. The arm reached down to the ground next to him - Phil couldn’t see what he was reaching for, since Ranboo’s knees were covering that side of him. When Ranboo’s arm returned to Phil’s view, it was holding a book. Phil recognized it as the mysterious _‘Do Not Read’_ book.

Ranboo held his book tightly against his folded-up legs. He had started mumbling to himself again. His voice was so quiet that Phil could barely make it out, but he managed to catch, “…don’t know who your friends are now…” and “…no, no, they helped us, we can trust them…”

“Ranboo? You okay, mate?”

Ranboo snapped out of his conversation with himself, like he’d almost forgotten Phil was even there. “Sorry, I spaced out. What did you ask again?”

“Do you wanna get out of here and come stay with me and Techno?” Phil repeated, his voice still gentle.

Ranboo glanced at his book, then at the words carved into the obsidian walls - and then, finally, back at Phil.

“Yes, please.”

Phil smiled. “Alright. Let’s get you outta here.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Hope you liked it! I'd appreciate your kudos if you did. I love love _love_ reading your nice comments, so please feel free to leave them!!
> 
> I have a second chapter planned, so expect that soon! It'll focus more on Ranboo and Techno. Thanks again for reading!


	2. A Family Does Not Equal A Side

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ranboo and Techno get the chance to talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HOW DID THIS FIC GET SO MUCH ATTENTION SO FAST WHAT-  
> Is this what it’s like to write fic for an active fandom????? Holy shit!! I’m so used to writing fic for dead or dying fandoms lmaooo so yeah thank you guys so much for over 850 kudos in just two days and for all the wonderful comments!! (I'm lowkey still in shock lmao)
> 
> Also just a **reminder** \- THIS FIC IS ABOUT THE CHARACTERS, NOT THE CREATORS!!! Anything portrayed in this fic (such as characters’ opinions, their actions, etc) are ONLY referring to the characters, and NOT to the creators. Remember, all of these characters are flawed and none of them are completely in the right, but they each _think_ that they’re in the right. That’s what makes the Dream SMP story so interesting!
> 
> Also **warning!!** There’s a VERY BRIEF description of graphic violence in this chapter. It's only like two sentences.  
> Okay, enjoy the chapter now lol.

Techno’s favorite thing about living in the tundra was that it was quiet.

The snow muffled the sound of his footsteps as he walked from his turtle farm back to his cottage. Little else filled his ears other than the soft whistling of the wind. And when he was alone like this, the voices in his head seemed to relax, settling into a steady, quiet buzzing that was easy to ignore. The voices were usually so loud and insistent on getting his attention, so Techno was very grateful for the break.

The light crunching of the snow under his feet was replaced by the steady thumping of his footfalls against wooden stairs. He opened the door to the cottage’s second floor with a slight creak on its hinges, then lightly tapped his feet on the blue carpet on the floor, knocking any excess snow off his heavy boots.

Nodding a hello to Edward the enderman, he made his way over to a chair by the fireplace. He slipped his pig mask off his face and rested it on the nearby smithing table, then sat down, listening to the low crackling of the wood under the flames. He took a deep breath and allowed his body to relax.

Things were much quieter without Tommy in the house.

Techno closed his eyes, forbidding himself from scowling at the thought. He didn’t want to think about Tommy. He was angry at Tommy - more than he cared to admit.

But in the quiet of the cottage, his mind couldn’t help but wander.

Tommy living with him had been annoying - to put it lightly. The boy was a menace of shouting and swear words. His mouth seemed incapable of shutting up for more than five seconds at a time. Adding to that, the kid wouldn’t stop stealing from Techno’s supplies, and would always leave his chests disorganized after ripping through them like a tornado. Techno hoped that Tommy would eventually leave, along with the headache he caused him.

But he hadn’t wanted him to leave like this.

Techno’s hand gripped the arm of the chair a bit tighter, his knuckles turning white. He didn’t know why he was so surprised that Tommy betrayed him. He had in the past, and this time was no different. Just like in the war of Manberg versus Pogtopia, Tommy had used him for his supplies and his skills. Just like back then, Techno had been upfront with his ambitions and goals from the start. Tommy knew that Techno wanted to blow L’Manberg to ashes, until the place it once stood was nothing more than a giant fissure in the ground. Tommy had _agreed_ to help him.

And yet Tommy had the _audacity_ to say that _Techno_ was the one betraying _him_.

Tommy dared to call him a _tyrant_ , which was utterly ridiculous - although, the boy was never good with big words. He probably didn’t even know what ‘tyrant’ meant. Techno was the furthest thing from a tyrant that there was. He was an _anarchist_ . He wanted to prevent tyrants from ever existing on the server again. He wanted everyone to live as individuals - as _people_ \- without a government ruling over them.

Tommy had shouted at Techno in the midst of the battle, as TNT rained down from the sky. He had tried to justify why he thought he was in the right, why he’d chosen to go back to Tubbo’s side - the side of the person who _exiled_ him, of the man who chose his country over his best friend. Tommy had said then, _“Technoblade,_ **_people_ ** _are above the government!”_

The statement had enraged Techno - the absolute _nerve_ of the boy to tell him such a thing. _“_ **_I’m_ ** _a person!”_

_“You are Techno, but so are we! The reason the discs-”_

_“Discs aren’t people!”_

_“-But they were taken from me! Nothing was taken from you here! You’re selfish!”_

_“Selfish?! You’ve used me from the start, Tommy! You’re wearing my helmet as we speak! You used me as a weapon! You’ve never thought of me as a friend, Tommy! You saw me just as The Blade! That’s all I was to you - The Blade! A weapon! Well guess what - I’m choosing what I fight for now.”_

Techno took another deep breath and shook away this memory, barely able to control the fury inside him. His anger was burning just as brightly as the fireplace in front of him, the voices in his head starting to rise in volume again.

Techno didn’t want to be _The Blade_. Those days had ended the moment he met Phil in the dungeon under that colosseum. Those days were behind him - and he didn’t like being reminded of them.

But Tommy had reminded him of them. Everyone that was a part of L’Manberg had reminded him of those horrible days. Those hours upon hours locked behind iron bars, with no company other than the violent screaming in his head - his voices were so much worse back then, and the way he was treated didn't do anything to help calm them down. Back in those days, he was treated like nothing more than a wild beast contained in a cage. He was only able to leave his cell when he was needed for a duel - when his handlers would point to his opponent in the arena and tell him, _“That’s your target. Go. Fight. Do the one thing you’re good for.”_

Yes, they were referred to as his _handlers_. They really did think of him as a monster.

Back then, Techno had no agency, no control over his life. In those dark times, he believed that he _needed_ to be controlled, or else he’d hurt people.

In those days, he used to think that he didn’t _deserve_ to be free.

But Phil had changed him. Phil had lifted him from that darkness with his elytra wings and helped him soar to freedom. Phil had shown him that he deserved to be free, that he deserved to be treated with respect - with _love._ And because of that, he gained the confidence that he had today.

And Techno wouldn’t let some government take all that away from him. L’Manberg wouldn’t control him, and neither would Tommy. He would never have _handlers_ again. No one would ever use him for their own battles again.

He wouldn’t be The Blade to anyone anymore.

He’d made sure of it. There was a crater in the ground where a city once stood that proved it.

The creak of the door’s hinges brought Techno out of his thoughts. He pulled his eyes away from the fireplace to face Phil entering the cottage, along with Ranboo.

“Hey, Techno,” Phil greeted him, smiling. “We were right. Ranboo needs a place to stay.”

Ranboo peaked out from behind Phil. He shuffled his lanky limbs nervously. “Um, hello.”

“Hullo,” Techno gave Ranboo a nod - the only greeting he had the energy to supply at the moment. He respected Ranboo, but after everything that had happened, Techno wasn’t in the right headspace to trust anyone other than Phil today.

Phil walked the length of the room, over to the chests to clear out his inventory. Ranboo closed the door and hesitantly stepped into the room, his eyes flicking around. He’d been to the cottage a few times before, but he hadn’t gotten a good look at this floor. He’d mostly seen the first floor and the basement levels. His eyes briefly met Edward’s, to which Ranboo quickly looked away, giving the enderman the lack of eye contact that he knew they preferred.

Edward croaked a greeting in the End’s Tongue to him. Ranboo spoke one in return.

“You speak enderman?”

Ranboo quickly whipped his head around towards Techno, startled. He had to admit, while he did respect the man, that didn’t mean Techno didn’t scare the hell out of him. Especially after today, where Techno had proved what he was truly capable of. Phil had mentioned something along the way about how Techno had _two stacks of wither skulls_ left over. And Ranboo knew that even without that, Techno was threatening enough on his own. He’d heard the stories. Ranboo didn’t need to ignite that wrath.

“Yeah,” he responded. “I’m part enderman, so… yeah.”

“Hm,” Techno hummed. He wasn’t up to the idea of speaking much at the moment. The shouting match with Tommy in the middle of the battle had used up most of his social energy for the day.

“Is… Is it really okay that I stay here?” Ranboo asked. He couldn’t help but feel that he was intruding. “I don’t have to if-”

“S’fine,” Techno gruffly cut him off. “I don’t mind you, Ranboo.”

“But I helped Tubbo try to execute you,” Ranboo said, then immediately thought to himself, _‘Why are you supplying him with a reason to kill you? Are you trying to die?’_

Despite what he said, Techno didn’t react much. He only shrugged. “You didn’t help him today.”

Ranboo looked at the ground. “…Yeah. I guess.”

“Just don’t do anythin’ to get on my bad side, alright?” Techno let out a quiet laugh.

The veiled threat made Ranboo’s blood run cold for a moment. “R-Right. Y-Yeah. Got it.”

“Techno, don’t scare him,” Phil chuckled and closed the chest he was searching through. “The kid’s been scared enough as it is.”

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Techno smirked, sarcasm heavy in his deadpan tone, “Excuse me. Some people that I used to care about have recently betrayed my trust yet _again,_ so I’m sorry if I seem just a _bit_ on edge, Phil.”

Phil laughed. Techno had always been one to cope using humor. He didn’t push the topic. “Did you want to make the kennel for the dogs or should I?”

“You’ve always been better at buildin’. You do it.”

“Alright. Is the wood downstairs?”

“Yep. You might need to go collect more, though.”

“Gotcha. I’ll get to it then.” Phil started to walk over to the ladder. “I’ll build you a little place next to it where you can live, Ranboo.”

“Oh! Um, thanks Phil.” Ranboo stammered. “You don’t have to if-”

“Nope, nope, I want to do it,” Phil waved his hand as he walked away, dismissing Ranboo’s words. “I’ll see you around.”

“R-Right. See ya.” Ranboo didn’t want to be alone with Techno, but it looked like he had no choice.

Phil stepped down the ladder to the ground floor. Ranboo stared ahead at Techno, who turned towards the fireplace again.

This felt kind of awkward.

“I’ve never seen you without your mask on before,” Ranboo said, because he didn’t know what else to say.

Techno looked at him again, an eyebrow raised. “Really?”

“Yeah.” Now what the hell should he say next? What do you talk about with the strongest man across the words? He shifted nervously on his feet again. The cold air of the tundra outside seemed to seep into the room. He tried to rub some warmth into his arms.

“You cold?” Techno asked.

Ranboo’s ears perked up. “Um, yeah. A bit.”

Techno gestured with his hand. “C’mere. You can sit by the fire if you want.”

Ranboo felt so tense. Would Techno really be okay with him sitting next to him like that? Without thinking, he started quietly mumbling to himself, “No, he wouldn’t have offered if he wasn’t okay with it…”

“What was that?”

“N-Nothing! Sorry.” Ranboo hastily made his way over to the fireplace and sat in the other chair beside it. Almost instantly, he felt a lot warmer. He breathed a sigh of relief.

They just sat there for a while, just listening to the fire. It didn’t feel awkward anymore. It was a comfortable silence.

Techno smiled to himself. _Comfortable silence._ Something he could never experience with Tommy.

“D-Do you have any food?”

Techno suppressed a laugh. Was Ranboo _asking_ for food, rather than just stealing it from his supply? This was _very_ different from Tommy for sure. “Sure. Check in one of those.” He nodded his head towards the chests behind him.

“And that’s okay?”

“Yes, it’s okay,” Techno was already liking this a lot better. He wouldn’t let himself fully trust Ranboo - not yet. But at least his company was more pleasant than Tommy’s.

“O-Okay. If you say so.” Ranboo stood up and went to look through the chests. His eyes widened when he opened the first one. “Whoa! You guys… You guys are _rich_!”

Techno smirked and shrugged. “I guess. Just take some steak though, okay? Don’t take my gapples.”

“Of course, yeah,” Ranboo added some steaks to his inventory, then chuckled lightly. “Don’t worry, I’m not stupid enough to steal from _Technoblade_ of all people.”

Techno barked a laugh at that. He couldn’t help it.

“What?”

“Nothin’, nothin’,” Techno answered. “Not everyone is as smart as you. That’s all.”

Ranboo knew the comment was a joke, but it still made his heart sink a little. “You mean Tommy?”

Techno’s posture visibly stiffened at the mention of Tommy’s name. He didn’t think Ranboo would push the subject. Phil would know not to do so, but he couldn’t expect Ranboo to know that, too.

“S-Sorry!” Ranboo immediately backtracked. “Sorry, I… I shouldn’t have brought him up. I shouldn’t have said anything. I’ll just… I’ll just stop talking now.” Embarrassed, he sat back down on his chair. He pulled his feet up onto the seat, legs bent against his chest. He nibbled on his food and stared into the fire, avoiding Techno’s eyes.

Techno, however, was looking right at Ranboo. There was no malice in his eyes, just… indifference, really. Eventually, he finally mumbled, “S’alright.”

They sat in silence again. Not as comfortable as before.

“I’ve got somethin’ to ask you,” Techno’s deep voice suddenly spoke up.

“Hm?” Ranboo perked his head up from were it had been partially hidden behind his tall, bent legs. “What is it?”

“What made you choose to come here?” Techno asked. “You’re still friends with the others, right?”

“…Yeah. I am. At least, I think so. Maybe.” Ranboo admitted, hoping it didn’t get him killed.

“Then why come here? Why not… I dunno, going with Tubbo or somethin’?”

Ranboo thought about his answer. “I just got tired of picking sides. They all have their sides. I don’t wanna join them.”

“You don’t think joinin’ me is pickin’ a side?”

Ranboo shook his head. “Not really. Your whole thing is anarchy, right?”

“Yep. Down with the government and all that.”

“Right.” Ranboo chuckled. Then his tone became more serious again. “Anarchy is like… a society with no positions of power, right? Just… _people_. People living their lives?”

“That’s right.”

Ranboo nodded. “I can get behind that. I don’t think that’s a side. It’s like the opposite. It’s the belief in getting rid of all the sides, and everyone living for themselves. And you did that. Everyone’s sides revolved around L’Manberg. When you got rid of L’Manberg, you got rid of all those sides.”

“Hm,” Techno hummed. After a moment of silence, he said, “I don’t think your friends would agree with your opinion.”

“Yeah, I know,” Ranboo sighed, because Techno was right. “Well, my friend list in my book is blank now, so who knows how long they’ll stay my friends.”

“Right, your book. I wanted to ask you about that, too. What’s it for?”

“Oh, it’s my memory book. I have problems with my memory, so I write down important stuff in it. Who my friends are, what people have done for me - stuff like that.”

“I see.” Techno nodded, then leaned back in his chair. “That’s smart. If I had a friend list, I think it’d be blank now, too. Other than Phil, or course.”

Ranboo smiled. “Of course. Cuz Phil’s your father, right?”

Techno bristled at the statement. “No- No, Phil’s not my father. We’re just good friends.”

Ranboo’s eyebrows furrowed. “Wait, but Tommy told me-”

“Tommy is _wrong_ ,” Techno said firmly. “He’s wrong about a lot of things. Phil isn’t my dad and Tommy _isn’t_ my brother.”

“Oh,” Ranboo murmured. He shrunk back in his chair, pulling his knees closer to his chest. “I… I’m sorry. I thought…. Sorry.”

Techno suddenly found the air in the room to be suffocating. The voices in his head got louder, shouting at him and at each other, arguing. _‘No! Phil_ **_is_ ** _your dad! Just admit it!’ ‘Tommy_ **_is_ ** _your brother!’ ‘No he isn’t!’ ‘Not after what he did he isn’t!’ ‘Tommy betrayed us!’ ‘We should kill him for what he’s done!’ ‘No! Protect him!’ ‘We protected him from Dream!’ ‘Protect Tommy!’ ‘Not anymore!’ ‘Traitor!’ ‘Thief!’ ‘He used us!’ ‘BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD-’_

“I’m gonna help Phil collect supplies for his build.” Techno stood up from his chair.

“O-Oh! Um, okay.” Ranboo watched as Techno picked up his pig mask from where it lay on the smithing table. “I’m really sorry, Techno-”

“No, it’s fine.” Techno put his mask on and began walking to the door. “It’s okay. You didn’t do anythin’. Don’t worry about it.”

Techno shut the door behind him and walked out into the snow, leaving Ranboo alone by the fireplace.

Ranboo didn’t see Techno for the rest of the day. Even when Phil came back at sundown, Techno wasn’t with him. When Ranboo asked where he was, Phil said he’d gone hunting.

“Hunting? But you guys have plenty of food here already,” Ranboo responded, confused.

Phil chuckled. “Not that kind of hunting, kid. He’ll probably be out for most of the night.”

Ranboo’s eyes widened in realization. “Oh! Oh. I see.”

Phil laughed some more. “Your new house isn’t quite finished yet, but I made you a bed. You can sleep in the basement for today. I should be done building your place by tomorrow.”

“Cool. Thanks again, for letting me stay here.”

“It’s no problem mate. I’ll go set up your bed.”

As Phil set up his temporary room in the basement, Ranboo took out his memory book. He turned to his friend list and wrote down,

 _Phil_.

And then, more tentatively,

_Techno?_

─────────────

The night was dark, but the moonlight reflected against Techno’s sword.

He slashed at the zombie in front of him, knocking it down into the snow. He stomped down on its arm, reveling in the satisfying sound of the bones crunching beneath his foot. Dark, rotten blood spilled onto the ground, staining the snow dark brown.

Techno stood over the defeated zombie, breathing heavily. He looked up. The moon was already halfway across the sky. He’d been out here fighting mobs for hours. As much as he wanted to keep fighting, his muscles were beginning to ache. It was probably best to turn in for the night.

_‘No! No sleep!’ ‘More!’ 'More blood!’ ‘Blood for the blood god!’_

“Guys, I’m tired,” Techno told the voices. He sheathed his sword at his hip. “I’m heading back home.”

_‘No!’ ‘More!’_

“Nope. I’m heading back, Chat.” Techno walked over to his horse, which he’d tied under a tall spruce tree. “If I go back, that means I’ll get to ride Carl. You guys like Carl, right?”

The voices were immediately distracted. _‘Carl!’ ‘Carl!’_

Techno chuckled and untied Carl, then hopped onto his saddle. “Thought so. Let’s go, boy.”

He lightly kicked at Carl’s side, and the horse began to trot in the direction of the cottage.

_‘Technolost!’_

“Lost? Chat, we _just_ started going home.”

_‘Wrong direction!’ ‘Turn around!’ ‘Technolost!’ ‘Go the other way!’_

“Chat, this is not the wrong direction. You know that I’m the human GPS. I know exactly where we’re going.”

The voices continued to tease him, but Techno knew they were wrong. They were just messing with him. They did that often.

Techno had been hearing the voices in his head for as long as he could remember. He called them Chat, short for Chatter, since that’s exactly what they were - chatter bouncing around inside his skull. He used to have a lot of trouble dealing with them, but after he’d met Phil, he’d gotten better. Phil helped him and supported him when the voices got really difficult. He even came up with strategies to make them easier for Techno to deal with. Those strategies worked - better than scratching the side of his head over and over until he broke the skin of his scalp. Now the voices were much more manageable.

It wasn’t until recently - with everything with L’Manberg happening - that the voices had started to feel a bit unmanageable again. That’s why Techno had gone into retirement - but, clearly, that hadn’t worked.

For the time being, Techno found staying out at night and killing mobs would temporarily satiate their thirst for violence. He’d pretend that the zombies he slayed wore the faces of his enemies - Tubbo, Quackity, and now Tommy. The catharsis of it helped.

When Techno arrived back home, he tied Carl up in his stable. After entering the door on the ground floor, Techno made his way to the ladder to climb up to his bed.

But before he could start climbing it, he heard… _something_. A voice - and not a voice coming from inside his own mind. It was coming from below him. It sounded like a conversation. So there were two voices? No, Techno could only hear the one distinct voice speaking;

“…can’t trust them. They’re a side. You’re choosing a side. … No, no, it’s not a side. It’s different. It’s not like the others. They believe in people, just like me. … But they worked with Dream. And Dream is the reason there’s sides in the first place. … But no, Phil said they didn’t like Dream. It was just a temporary alliance. … Is an alliance a side?”

“Ranboo?” Techno called down the ladder.

Ranboo stopped talking to himself. He didn’t answer Techno.

“Is someone down there with you?”

More silence, until finally, “…No. Just me.”

Usually Techno wouldn’t care enough to ask more follow up questions, but he was on edge. He’d been betrayed one too many times. He liked Ranboo, but he still didn’t fully trust him. And if Ranboo was somehow communicating with the enemy from _inside Techno’s own house…_

Techno slid down the ladder into the basement.

Ranboo was standing next to his bed, staring at Techno like he’d been caught red-handed doing… _something_. Techno didn’t know what yet. But he’d find out.

“Who were you talkin’ to?” Techno demanded.

“No one! I swear!” Ranboo pleaded, his eyes full of fear. “P-Please, Techno, I mean it-”

“Don’t lie to me, Ranboo. I heard you havin' a conversation. _Who_ were you talkin’ to?”

“ _Myself_ , okay?!” Ranboo let out a shuddering breath, then put his face in his hands. “I was anxious, so I couldn’t sleep, so I started pacing and… Gods, you’re not gonna believe me, are you? I mean it, I swear. I was talking to myself. I… I know it’s weird.”

Techno blinked. That wasn’t the answer he expected, and Ranboo sure didn’t seem like he was lying. The anger throughout his body faded in an instant. “It’s… It’s not weird.”

Ranboo lifted his head from his hands. “Huh?”

“I said it’s not weird,” Techno repeated. “I… I do that, too.”

Ranboo’s eyes lit up. “ _Really_?!”

“Yeah.” Techno looked away. He didn’t know why he was telling Ranboo his secret. The only people he’d ever told were Phil, Wilbur, and Tommy, years ago when they were all younger. Why did he feel like he could tell Ranboo all of a sudden?

Maybe it was because he’d never met someone who experienced the same thing as him. If Ranboo was like him, then telling him… it didn’t seem so bad.

“I hear voices in my head,” Techno said the secret quietly. He gestured to his head with his hand. “Tons of ‘em. They tell me to do stuff. Or they just mock me. I… I talk to them back.”

Ranboo stared at Techno, unblinking. “I… wow…” He had no idea. And he could tell this was something that Techno didn’t reveal to people often - the way his voice was quiet and uncertain, very much the opposite of his usual, confident voice. Ranboo felt honored to know, and honored that Techno trusted him enough to tell him.

“Do you hear voices, too?” Techno asked tentatively.

“Um, not really,” Ranboo answered. “I kind of just… pace around and talk to myself. Usually when I’m really stressed or anxious. I’m alone a lot of the time, so… when I need to vent about stuff, I usually don’t have someone to talk it out with. So I kinda just… talk it out with myself instead. It helps to organize my thoughts.” Ranboo hesitated for a moment. “Sometimes it makes it worse, though. But usually it helps. I guess.”

“I see,” Techno said. So, Ranboo wasn’t exactly like him after all. He couldn’t help but feel a little disappointed. Still, Ranboo’s experience was more similar to Techno’s that he’d ever heard of from someone else before.

Ranboo’s eyes flicked nervously around the room. He looked like he was trying to decide if he should say something or not.

“What is it?”

Ranboo fidgeted with his hands. He didn’t meet Techno’s eyes. “Sometimes… Sometimes I hear… _one_ voice.”

Techno’s eyes lit up. Maybe… Maybe he _wasn’t_ alone in this after all. “Really?”

“Yeah,” Ranboo, on the other hand, looked very ashamed, cowering into himself. “It’s… It’s Dream’s voice.”

Techno’s heart dropped.

The voices in his head _erupted_ with rage. _‘DREAM! THAT BASTARD HURT TOMMY!’ ‘WHY IS DREAM HURTING RANBOO?’ ‘DREAM BETTER GET HIS HANDS OFF OUR ENDERMAN BOY-’_

Techno scratched at the side of his head, trying to dull their screaming. “That sounds… _concerning._ ”

Ranboo laughed weakly. “Yeah, it… it does, doesn’t it?”

“Is it actually _Dream_? Or is it, like, a figment of your imagination?”

“I don’t know,” Ranboo admitted. “I _think_ it’s just my imagination, but I _hear_ him. It’s _his_ voice.”

Techno stared. That wasn’t like his own voices. He didn’t recognize his voices as anyone from outside his head.

“I-It’s only happened once,” Ranboo quickly added. “When I was in my panic room.”

“Your what?”

“The room I made for myself that Phil found me in.” Ranboo shuddered. “Dream - or, _his voice_ \- he seemed to know things that even _I_ didn’t know. It was scary.”

Techno didn’t know what to say, but Chat was screaming at him to _comfort the child_ , so he tried to do so. “Sometimes my voices can be like that, too.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. Like, when I’m out minin’, they’ll say I missed diamonds or somethin’. Most of the time they’re messin’ with me, but occasionally they’re not. Even though I didn’t know I had missed diamonds, they still knew." Techno didn't mention the times Chat had been borderline prophetic. That was a mystery for a different day. "I don’t know how they know, but they do.”

Ranboo sat on the edge of his bed. “Dream’s voice told me something a little more… _extreme_.”

That worried Techno. “What’d he say?”

Ranboo looked like he was on the verge of tears. He opened his mouth to speak, then shook his head. “No, no, I don’t wanna say it. I _couldn’t_ have done it. I didn’t! I didn’t do it!”

Techno’s worry only increased. “Do what?”

Ranboo bristled at the question. “N-Nothing. I didn’t do anything. That’s the whole point. I didn’t do it. I… I _couldn’t_ have…” Ranboo wiped his eyes and looked back at Techno. “H-He’s just messing with me. Like your voices. He… he _has_ to be just messing with me.”

Techno didn’t like not receiving a definitive answer, but he didn't want Ranboo to cry. He didn’t know how to deal with a crying kid. He wasn’t Phil. And besides, after hunting mobs all night he was so _tired_. He wanted to go to sleep.

It would be okay to leave Ranboo alone now. Techno had come down here to see if Ranboo was betraying him, and he wasn’t. If he talked to a voice that sounded like Dream, well… Dream and Techno had an alliance at the moment - as much as it made Techno uneasy. It wouldn’t be betraying him if Ranboo spoke to that voice. At least, Techno didn’t think so. Not at the present moment.

“You don’t have to tell me. It’s okay,” Techno said. “I can see it makes you uncomfortable.”

Ranboo nodded. “Th-Thanks.”

Techno put his hand on the ladder. “Goodnight, Ranboo. I’ll see you in the mornin'.”

“See you in the morning.”

Techno climbed up to the attic.

After a moment of sitting silently on his bed, Ranboo took out his memory book. He turned to his friend list and erased the question mark next to Techno’s name.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I’ve seen a lot of fics where Techno named his voices Chatter and calls them Chat for short. I like that concept a lot so I wanted to put that idea in my fic, too. (I think that idea might’ve originated from [this tumblr post](https://nixavia.tumblr.com/post/637454068612300800/small-ctechno-headcanons-because-i-said-so) but I’m not sure.)
> 
> Also, this won't be the last chapter anymore! I thought of an idea for a third chapter. Since so many people seem to like this fic, I hope you're happy to hear that lol. The next chapter will have a lot more Phil content.
> 
> Also did you guys see the very end of Ranboo’s stream today??? When he went to get his pets from the panic room??? Don't post spoilers in the comments in case people haven't seen, but I'll just say that I’m sooo stressed lmao. Maybe I'll try to work what happened there into the next chapter but maybe not who knows lol.
> 
> Anyway, thank you all again for reading!! Your kudos and nice comments are appreciated! <3


	3. Trying Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ranboo gets the chance to spend some more time with Phil.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to write fast in case the plot of the actual story moved on in the streams and my ideas became irrelevant-
> 
> Get ready for a lot of Dadza in this chapter - both the good side of him and the very flawed side of him. Plus a lot of sparring. I’m such a sucker for mentor characters teaching their mentee characters how to duel with a sword, so prepare to read lots of that lol.
> 
> Also I’m gonna say this **reminder** again - **THIS FIC IS ABOUT THE CHARACTERS, NOT THE CREATORS!!!** Anything portrayed in this fic (such as characters’ opinions, their actions, etc) are ONLY referring to the characters, and NOT to the creators. Remember, all of these characters are flawed and none of them are completely in the right, but they each _think_ that they’re in the right. That’s what makes the Dream SMP so interesting!
> 
> Enjoy the chapter!!

Ranboo’s wooden sword flew out of his hand. He stumbled backward, tripping over his feet and falling into the grass below, muddy and wet with melted snow.

“Dammit,” Ranboo chuckled.

In front of him, Techno stood, wearing his pig mask and grinning. On the sidelines, leaning against the fence of Carl’s stable, Phil watched the two spar. They had finished building the kennel and Ranboo’s new home around half an hour ago.

Techno let out a confident laugh and dramatically flourished his own wooden sword. “If you wish to defeat me, train for another one hundred years!”

“I _am_ training!” Ranboo shot back with a smile. He got back up onto his feet, wiping the mud and melted frost from his hands onto his clothes. It wasn’t enough water to cause him any real pain. “Isn’t that what you’re supposed to be doing? Training me?”

“I’m tryin’, man,” Techno teased him. “But you can’t seem to stay on your feet long enough for me to teach you somethin’.”

“I’m trying, I’m trying.” Ranboo reached down and grabbed his sword again. He held it up. “Okay. I’m ready.”

“No you’re not,” Techno said, but his tone wasn’t harsh or demeaning. He took a couple steps forward and tapped at Ranboo’s legs with the end of his sword. “Bend your knees more. You need to lower your center of gravity or else I’ll knock you over again.”

“Oh, right.” Ranboo followed the advice, fixing his stance. “Better?”

“Much better,” Techno smiled.

Ranboo smiled back at the compliment. Since Techno was such a talented fighter, he couldn’t help but look up to him. “Thanks.”

“Let’s try again, shall we?” Techno started pacing away, putting a bit of distance between them.

“Okay, I’ll… I’ll do my best!”

Techno snickered and turned to face Ranboo again. “You don’t sound very sure of yourself.”

“Well, I’m dueling against _you_. It’s not like I expect to win.”

“Sun Tsu once said, ‘Victorious warriors win first and then go to war, while defeated warriors go to war first and then seek to win.’”

Ranboo blinked. “And… What exactly does that mean?”

Techno bent his knees and twirled his sword in a flourish. He revealed his sharp tusks in a confident, wolfish grin. “It means a true winner knows they’ve won before the battle even starts.”

And with that, Techno lunged at him, slashing the sword down towards Ranboo’s chest. Ranboo brought his sword in front of him in a block, but Techno cut through it with his heavy strike. He then followed up with another swing to Ranboo’s right side. Ranboo just managed to hop to the side, out of the way, but he wasn’t prepared for Techno’s foot to sweep under him, knocking him off his feet. Ranboo landed on his back on the ground, but his sword was still in his hands. Without thinking about any sort of strategy, he flailed his sword upwards towards Techno, who quickly knocked it away, sending it flying into the snow.

Techno pointed his sword at Ranboo, holding it about a foot above the boy’s neck. The grin remained on his face. “See?”

“Oh c’mon,” Ranboo laughed and pushed Techno’s dull, wooden sword away with his hand. He steadily got back on his feet. “You can’t _really_ expect me to fool myself into thinking I can beat you, right? I mean, you’re _The Blade_.”

Techno suppressed his reaction to the nickname. It's not like Ranboo knew that he didn’t like being called that. Instead, he shot back, “The confidence will help you put up more of a fight next time. Even if you still lose to me in the end.”

“Is it really that simple?”

“Confidence can get you a long way,” Techno said knowingly. “It’s much easier for a person to do somethin’ if they’re truly convinced that they can do it.”

Ranboo thought about those words.

Phil spoke up from the sidelines, “Maybe you can spar against me next, Ranboo.”

“Is that supposed to be _easier_ for me?” Ranboo laughed. “You’re a crazy-good fighter, too.”

“True,” Phil admitted, stepping away from the fence. He stretched his arms above his head and flexed his wings behind him. “However, I have much more experience in teaching kids how to fight than Techno does.”

“You’re right about that,” Techno murmured. Memories flashed in his mind of the times Tommy had asked him to spar back when they were both much younger. Techno knew he wasn’t the best teacher, but he’d argue that Tommy was the most difficult student he could possibly have. Those sparring sessions never went smoothly.

Although, occasionally, they had been fun.

_‘Tommy’s your brother!’ ‘No! He’s a traitor!’_

Techno scratched at his head and pulled himself back into the present moment.

Phil was walking over to him, his hand outstretched. “I’ll take that.”

Techno blinked, then realized Phil was referring to the wooden sword in his hand. He passed it off to him. “It’s all yours.”

Phil took the sword and gave it a few experimental swings. “Lighter than I’m used to.”

“Oh, and I’m sure that’ll _really_ put you at a disadvantage,” Techno teased.

“The opposite. It means I can move quicker,” Phil shot back with a smirk.

“Oh, perfect,” Ranboo groaned, sarcasm heavy in his tone.

Phil laughed and turned to him. “Don’t worry. I’ll go easy on you.”

“You two have fun,” Techno said to them. “I’m gonna go check on the turtles. Then I’ll maybe… go for a walk, or somethin’.”

Phil’s eyes filled with concern. “You okay, mate?”

“Yeah, I’m fine, I’m fine, just…” Those memories of Tommy had re-awakened the loud argument inside his head, some of his voices supporting Tommy and some of them raging against him. “…just need some time alone. I won’t be gone too long. Don’t worry.”

Phil nodded, understanding. “Alright. If you need anything, just message me on the comms.”

“Of course.” Techno was already walking away.

“See ya, Techno!” Ranboo called after him.

Techno raised his hand and gave a small wave, not turning around to face him.

Ranboo stared, watching him go. He wondered if Techno was leaving because of his voices. He wondered what they were saying. He was still intrigued about them ever since Techno had told him about them the night before.

“Hey.”

Startled by the sudden voice, Ranboo quickly turned to face Phil.

“Eyes on your opponent,” Phil smirked, holding his sword at the ready. His wings were raised around him to help him keep his balance.

“Sorry. I zoned out.” Ranboo crouched into a fighting stance.

“You look nervous.”

“Cuz I know you’re gonna kick my ass.”

Phil laughed. “I promise I won’t.”

“They call you the Angel of Death. That’s arguably scarier than The Blade.”

“But I’m not as competitive as Techno,” Phil gave a soft smile. “I’m still pretty competitive, sure, but not as much as him. My goal right now isn’t to beat you. It’s to teach you.”

Hesitantly, Ranboo nodded and gripped his sword tighter. “Right. Okay.”

“Good.” Phil’s voice stayed gentle, caring. It was a big contrast to the intimidating figure he and his wings made. “You make the first move.”

“Um, alright.” Ranboo stood there for a moment, thinking of what to do. He finally took a step forward and swung at Phil’s shoulder.

Phil easily parried and swung forward with his own attack, much more gracefully than Ranboo had. He wasn't all brute strength and forceful movements like Techno was. Phil was light on his feet, his blade merely tapping against Ranboo’s rather than trying to knock it out of his hands. Ranboo could see what Phil had meant when he said he was a good teacher.

Ranboo hopped backwards to dodge Phil’s next attack. When Phil’s sword missed its mark, he just maintained the momentum to swing at Ranboo again from the other direction. Ranboo leaned backwards, dodging again. Phil stabbed forward next, and Ranboo just barely stepped back in time to avoid the tip of Phil’s blade.

“You keep evading. It leaves you open,” Phil said, his voice still low and gentle. To prove his point, he quickly reached his sword just far forward enough to poke Ranboo in the stomach. “You need to block.”

“I-I know,” Ranboo stuttered. “I just don’t have the strength. My arms are like _noodles_.”

Phil laughed. “For now, maybe. But the more you practice, the stronger they’ll get. Try to block me.”

“I dunno…”

“Remember what Techno said about confidence? Stop running away and stand your ground.”

The words hit Ranboo deep in his heart. He almost made a quip about how he couldn’t, that he had no backbone, but he stopped it in his throat. Instead, he set his jaw, then gave a sharp nod of his head. “Right.”

Phil lunged at him again, and his time Ranboo held his sword up across his body to block. Phil slashed down on it, clearly not using his full power, but still applying a significant amount of force.

Ranboo’s arm shook trying to maintain its position. His free hand quickly shot up to reinforce his other one on the hilt.

“Try to push me off,” Phil told him.

“I- I can’t.”

“Yes you can, kid. Get more leverage by supporting the dull edge of the sword with your offhand.”

Ranboo’s eyes quickly flicked from Phil, to his hands, to his sword, before his mind pieced everything together. He removed his offhand from the hilt and slid it to around halfway up the dull, back edge of his blade. With this more sturdy position, Ranboo was able to gather enough strength in his arms to shove away Phil’s attack.

Phil let his sword be pushed off, then eased its momentum, resting his arm back at his side. “Very good.”

Ranboo couldn’t stop the smile blooming across his face at the praise. “Thank you.”

“Try again now.”

“Right. I’m ready.”

─────────────

In the late afternoon, Phil and Ranboo stopped their sparring session and went back inside. Techno still hadn’t returned.

On the second floor of the cottage, Ranboo waved to Edward and ambled over to the chairs by the fireplace. He sat down, sighed, and relaxed under the heat of the flames. He’d learn a lot from Phil that afternoon. He was excited for their next training session, and to train with Techno again. He wanted to show him his new moves.

Ranboo’s ears perked up at the sound of a brewing stand bubbling. He turned to see Phil standing in front of one, heating up a bottle of some kind of copper-brown liquid.

“What potion is that?” Ranboo asked.

Phil chuckled. “It’s tea.”

“Oh! Cool! I didn’t know we had tea.”

“I grow some near Techno’s potato farm out back,” Phil explained. “He doesn’t drink it unless I remind him to, but it helps to calm him down, so I always make sure we have some in stock.”

“That’s nice.”

After a couple minutes, the bubbling of the tea quieted down, signaling that it was ready. Phil removed the bottle and poured its contents into two cups beside the brewing stand. He then brought the cups over to Ranboo and handed him one. “Watch out. It’s hot.”

“I figured.”

Phil retracted his wings into his back and sat down in the other chair by the fire.

Comfortable silence.

After a while, Ranboo blew softly on his tea to try and cool it down, then raised the cup to his lips. It was floral - probably mixed with the petals of wildflowers that Phil had found growing in the tundra, and sweetened from sugar made from their sugarcane supply.

“This is really good,” Ranboo said.

“I’m glad you like it.”

They sat there quietly again, sipping their tea. The only sound filling the room was the crackling of the fire. For once in his life, Ranboo wasn’t anxious. The dull ache in his muscles from training, plus the tea, plus the atmosphere - it all made him feel very calm.

“You remind me of Techno a lot.” Phil finally broke the silence.

Ranboo turned to him. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Phil took another sip of his tea. “Your voice even sounds like his a little bit.”

Ranboo gave a quiet laugh. “Yeah, people have told me that before.”

“You remind me a lot of when he was younger,” Phil continued. “Quieter. More nervous.”

“Actually, that reminds me,” Ranboo stopped slouching in his seat, leaning a little towards Phil, “I’m kinda confused about something. Can I ask you about it?”

“Shoot.”

“Okay, so, Tommy - and even Ghostbur, too - they told me that they and Techno are all brothers, and that you’re their father. But I talked to Techno yesterday, and he said none of that was true? So… what _is_ true?”

Phil chuckled, then shrugged. “Both sides are right, I suppose.”

“Huh?”

“None of my kids are… _officially_ adopted by me, Ranboo. Over time, I just kind of happened to collect kids that were in need.” Phil smiled. “I mean, just look at yourself.”

“I-” Ranboo’s eyes went wide, stunned. Then he broke into laughter. “Y-Yeah, I guess… I guess I understand.”

Phil drank from his cup. “None of my kids are officially _mine_ , but that doesn’t make them any less mine in my heart, y’know?”

“Yeah. I get it.”

“Techno’s my oldest. He’s really around the same age as Wilbur. Wil always liked to joke and say that Techno was only two minutes older than him.” He paused to let out a soft laugh. “But Techno’s always acted much more mature than that. I think that’s why he doesn’t like to think of me as his _father_ per se. We treat each other more like equals, really. But that doesn’t stop me from loving him like my son.”

Ranboo nodded, then smirked. “Yeah, Tommy mentioned to me that Techno was always your favorite kid,” he joked.

Phil let out a sudden bark of laughter, Ranboo’s statement catching him off guard. When he managed to quiet back down, he sighed. He stared out the window, in the opposite direction of Ranboo, thinking to himself.

Finally, Phil gave a small shrug. “I suppose he’s right, isn’t he?”

Ranboo’s face fell, shocked at the admission. He thought the playing favorites thing was just a joke Tommy had with his family. He didn’t realize it might’ve been _true_.

“I mean, everyone always says how obvious it is,” Phil continued. He looked back at the fireplace. “Might as well admit it now. Now that everything’s all messed up.”

Ranboo didn’t know what to say, so he kept quiet.

“I was thrown into the whole fatherhood thing very suddenly,” Phil kept talking. “That’s my own fault. When I see a kid without anyone to take care of them, I just… I _can’t_ let that stand. Kids deserve to live in a safe place, and to be fed and happy. So I take them in. But I…” He sighed. “But I’m not perfect. I’ll admit that. I’ve made mistakes.” He raised his teacup to his mouth, covering his grim expression. “…Plenty of mistakes.”

Ranboo was hesitant to push the subject, but he was so curious. He couldn’t help it. “What do you mean?”

Phil looked over at him. He smiled, but his eyes were sad. “Ranboo, do you know what started all the conflict on this server?”

“Tommy’s discs?”

Phil gave a soft laugh through his nose. “Well, yes, I guess that’s right. But what else?”

Ranboo thought for a moment. “Wilbur forming L’Manberg?”

“Exactly.” Phil pointed his finger. “Do you know why he did that?”

“Well… from what I’ve heard, Wil, Tommy, and Tubbo were selling drugs out of a van, and then it eventually snowballed into Wil leading them in a revolution to start their own country around it.”

Phil let out an exasperated sigh. He rubbed his temple with his hand. “Yeah, that’s… that sure is what happened. Gods, I can’t with them sometimes.” He laughed again. “Do you ever wonder how Wil made that jump - from a van to a whole independent country?”

“I… I never really thought about it, honestly.”

“I have a little theory as to why that happened,” Phil said. “Do you want to hear it?”

Ranboo nodded, a bit too enthusiastically. His curiosity was only growing. “Yes.”

Phil took a long drink from his tea, finishing it off. He stood up, walked over to the brewing stands, and placed his cup next to one of them. While he was over there, he gazed out the window. Snow had started to fall outside.

Ranboo stared at Phil’s back, waiting on bated breath.

“Ranboo, have you ever heard of the Antarctic Empire?”

Ranboo’s eyes widened, because _of course he had_. Who hadn’t? Of course he’d heard of the legend that took place on a different server - on one of the other worlds in the vast multiverse they lived in. Of course he’d heard of the empire that had taken control over the majority of the land that server possessed, claiming it for themselves. It was the largest empire to exist across the all of the worlds.

And of course he’d heard the legends of its two rulers, Technoblade and Philza, who had already been legendary in their own right before the empire was even formed.

“Yes, I have,” Ranboo responded.

“Good. Then I can spare you the details.” Phil turned around. He walked over and sat back in his chair. “You know that whole thing was me and Techno’s doing, right?”

“Yeah,” Ranboo nodded. “How did Techno go from an emperor to an anarchist?”

Phil chuckled, then shrugged. “Different beliefs depending on what he sees fit for the server, I guess. Or he’s just had a change of heart since then. I don’t know for sure.”

“I see. Um, what does this have to do with Wilbur?”

“Right, Wilbur.” Phil looked into the fireplace, silent for a moment. Then let out an incredulous laugh. “This is where we get to the part where I admit that I’m not a very good person, Ranboo.”

“I mean… You helped blow up L’Manberg yesterday. You could argue that’s already something people know about you.”

Phil’s sad smile stayed on his face. “Right. You could. People seemed so surprised that I did that. I don’t know why. Haven’t they heard of all the TNT machines I’ve made on my own servers? I blow stuff up all the time.” Phil laughed again. “Anyway, about Wilbur… he’s my middle child. I always spent most of my time with Techno, but he wanted my attention, too - which was, of course, perfectly valid and within his rights. But I…” Phil paused, “I never really gave it to him. Not enough, anyway. I didn’t realize at the time, but I know that now. Hindsight and all that.”

Ranboo kept listening carefully.

“Wilbur would try to get my attention in all sorts of ways. He wasn’t much of a swordsman, but he’d write these wonderful songs - he’s absolutely amazing on the guitar - and he’d play them for me. And I’d tell him they were good, but then I’d go spar with Techno for hours. In the end, I was always with Techno more than I was with him or Tommy. When Techno and I formed the Antarctic Empire, Wil was so angry at us, because he already had a position of power on that server. He was really proud of it, too. But me and Techno came and took complete control of that place, just cuz we could. We took that away from him. And I was having so much fun with Techno, that I didn’t even think of Wil’s feelings.” Phil eyed Ranboo. “You’re losing your respect for me, aren’t you?”

“I-” Ranboo didn’t know how to respond to that.

Phil chuckled. “Don’t worry. I won’t make you answer that.” He went back to staring into the fire. “After all that, I think Wilbur wanted to do something that he was _sure_ would finally get my attention. Maybe he thought to himself that he had to be more like Techno, and then he'd receive it. And what had me and Techno just done? We created an empire. So, while trying to be more like us-”

“He created a country,” Ranboo finished the sentence.

Phil gave him a nod. “Exactly. Time went by, and he eventually portaled to this server to join Tommy. And when he saw his chance to form L’Manberg, he took it, hoping it would make me proud.” With the story over, Phil leaned back in his chair. “At least, that’s just what I think. It’s not like I can ask him and find out.”

“I mean, he’s still around. You could ask him-”

“Wilbur is _dead_.” Phil looked at him, his eyes glassy. “I know that more than anyone here.”

Ranboo looked at the ground. He shouldn’t have brought that up. Of course Phil was really sensitive on the topic of Ghostbur and Wil’s death. Wil had begged Phil to kill him, after all. That must’ve done a toll on Phil - to see Wil in such a state, to _do_ that to his own son. “I meant Ghostbur, sorry. You could ask-”

“ _Ghostbur_ is not my son. He is not the boy I raised. Not completely,” Phil said firmly. His grip on the chair’s arm tightened, his knuckles turning a faint white. “He is the incomplete husk of the soul that was once my son. No, my son Wilbur was driven mad by government and politics and everything else in that country. That place corrupted him. I’m glad I had a part in blowing it to ashes. It’s what it deserves after everything it did to hurt him.” Phil paused, steadying his tone again. “Although, I suppose him going mad was my fault, too. If I had just… If I had just _given_ him the attention he deserved, then maybe this whole mess wouldn’t have happened in the first place.”

Ranboo stayed quiet. He was going to say ‘you can’t blame yourself for that’, but he honestly wasn’t so sure. Maybe all this really _was_ Phil’s fault.

“I’m not the best father, Ranboo. Not by a longshot. A father doesn’t just supply a house to kids who need it, like I did. I know that now. He does more than that. He gives them a _home_ . He gives them all of the support that they could possibly need. I think I only ever did that for Techno.” He gave a quiet sigh. “I’ve made a ton of mistakes in the past, and I regret them now. I really do. They cost me Wilbur. But… I’ll do my best to take care of you, alright? The _right_ way. Like I did with Techno. I’m trying to kinda… start over. If I can do a good job with you, then maybe I can prove I’m not so bad after all.”

Ranboo blinked. “But… But you still have Tommy. You don’t have to start over with me. He still needs you.”

Phil chuckled and shook his head. “No, I don’t think I can repair that relationship. It’s too late.”

“It’s not too late! I don’t think that kind of thing could ever come too late. And- And Tommy’s younger than me! You still have plenty of time together.”

Phil looked at Ranboo - and for the first time that Ranboo had seen, Phil looked… uncertain. _Scared_ , even

“You really think so?”

Ranboo nodded. “Yeah. I do.”

When Phil spoke again, his voice had gotten much quieter. “I don’t want to mess him up anymore than I already have. I don’t want him to… to end up like Wilbur.” Phil hesitated. “Don’t you think he’d just better off without me?”

“No. Not at all,” Ranboo said. “If you really want to change and be a better dad, then I think that has to start with you and Tommy. Not with me.”

Phil didn’t respond right away, lost in thought. “…Ghostbur wants me to try and bring him back to life. To make him Wilbur again.”

Ranboo’s eyes widened. “He does?”

“Yeah,” Phil answered. “I’m hesitant to do it. I really want my son back, but I’m worried he’ll just go back to being like how he was at the end of his life. Mad and twisted. But… Tommy wants it done. You think if I help them, Tommy will…” And then Phil laughed - a skeptical, unconvinced, ‘I can't believe I’m going to say this’ kind of laugh. “You think if I help bring Wilbur back to life, then Tommy will forgive me for blowing up his country?”

Ranboo couldn’t help but let out a laugh too. “…I don’t know. Maybe. It’s worth a shot. At this point, all you can do is try.”

“Yeah, it is, isn’t it?” Phil turned to look at the flames of the fireplace again. “And then… If Wilbur _does_ come back, then I can try to repair that relationship, too.”

“Yeah, you could.”

“I’d tell him that I’m sorry. Sorry that I wasn’t there for him, that I wasn’t good to him, that… that I’m sorry for so much.” Phil closed his eyes. “I’d tell him how proud I am that he stood up against Dream in his first revolution for L’Manberg. And I’d tell him that it’s okay that he lost the election, and that I’m still proud of him. And I’d… I’d ask him to play me one of his songs. I’ve never really _asked_ him to play before. He’d just come up to me and play when he wanted to. Can you believe that? Gods, what was wrong with me?” He rubbed his temples. “No, but… I’ll try to fix this. I can’t change the past, but I can try to be good in the future.”

“Yeah. Exactly.” Ranboo managed to smile.

Phil looked at him and smiled back, warmly. “Look at you. Listening to my ramblings. I promise I won’t bother you like this again. This kind of thing is too heavy to dump onto a child.”

Ranboo laughed. “It’s okay. I liked listening for now.”

“You’re very mature for your age, you know. Just like Techno. …Or, wait,” Phil's smile fell, “I shouldn’t say that, should I? I should stop comparing my other kids to him.”

“I… Well…” Ranboo fidgetted. “I mean, thanks anyway?”

Phil just hummed in response, looking away.

Then Ranboo realized something. “Hey, speaking of Techno, where is he? Shouldn’t he be back by now?”

“I wouldn’t worry too much. He goes off on his own all the time.” Phil stood up from his chair. “Hopefully he’ll be back before dark. In the meantime, how about I make some us some dinner?”

Ranboo hadn’t even realized how hungry he was. After all, they’d been sparring all afternoon. “I’d like that. Thanks.”

“It’s my pleasure, Ranboo.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really wanted to write this kind of character study about Phil and really explore his character since it’s not explored too deeply in the actual canon. This is my interpretation of him. I hope I wrote it in a way that makes sense. We all know character-Phil is very flawed, but I really hope he can change for the better. I hope this chapter gave you some hope that maybe he can get better eventually lol. I also wanted to write about the little headcanon I have that connects SMP Earth’s events and the Antarctic Empire with the plot of Dream SMP, so I put that in here too.
> 
> EDIT: This fic used to be marked as complete, but I decided to write more of it. See you in the next chapter!
> 
> Thank you all so so so much for reading!! All your kudos and nice comments are very much appreciated! <3


	4. You Took Me Under Your Wing(s)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phil thinks about when he first took in Techno. Even though he's much older now, some things never change.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _Me two months ago:_ “I don’t wanna write Dream SMP fanfic because I don’t wanna have to admit that I’ve written _Minecraft_ fanfiction.”  
>  _Me 3 weeks ago:_ “Okay I’ll write some, but it’s only gonna be a two-part standalone one-time thing and that’s IT!”  
>  _Me now:_ *publishes a 4th chapter and has more chapters planned* “I love my fanfic about the block men. I’m putting my screenwriting major to good use.”
> 
> I’M BACK!!! Thank you all for your kudos and lovely comments! They really encouraged me to continue writing this fic. I’ll be writing more chapters after this one as well.
> 
> Also, I just wanna mention that this fic ISN'T 100% completely canon-compliant. It pretty much is, but **there are some small parts of canon that I’m electing to ignore (like Edward dying, Phil and Techno not knowing what The End is, and the fact that technically in canon Phil's only son is Wilbur).** I just wanted to clarify that. Okay, enjoy the chapter!
> 
> Obligatory reminder - THIS FIC IS ABOUT THE CHARACTERS, NOT THE CREATORS!!! Anything portrayed in this fic (such as characters’ opinions, their actions, etc) are ONLY referring to the characters, and NOT to the creators.

Phil couldn’t sleep that night.

He laid in his bed in the attic of the cottage, tossing and turning, but he couldn’t fall asleep. His mind was racing with too many thoughts.

For one, Techno hadn’t returned home yet. Phil was used to him staying out late, but usually not for this many nights in a row. And even though he knew Techno was perfectly capable of defending himself from the dangers of the wilderness - _more_ than capable, this was _Technoblade_ he was talking about - he still couldn’t help but feel nervous. Techno was his son, after all. He was always worried about him getting hurt, even if it was an irrational fear.

Plus, after his conversation with Ranboo today, Phil felt a bit more emotionally on edge than usual. Talking about the past had just made him remember more about back then - more about Tommy and Wilbur and what he could’ve done better, how he could’ve been there for them more.

But - and he couldn’t help it, with worrying about Techno being out late and all - his mind started wandering to memories of Techno, too. Back when he was younger. Back when Phil was just starting out as a so-called ‘father’.

Back before he’d made any of his big mistakes.

When Phil first took Techno in, Techno was around Tommy’s age. Maybe if Phil remembered how he took care of Techno back then, it could help him learn how to take care of Tommy now.

He gave up on trying to sleep and let his mind wander.

─────────────

“This is it.” Phil stepped out of the warm, inky darkness of the server portal and onto the grassy ground below his feet. The sun shined above him in a clear, blue sky.

Techno followed right behind him, feeling a bit dizzy. He hadn’t traveled across the planes of the multiverse in a very, _very_ long time - having been locked up in the dungeons under that colosseum for so long. He stepped through the portal just before it disappeared into thin air behind him.

He had been traveling with Phil for a while now. Breaking out of the colosseum dungeons had been easy, and ever since then, Techno had been at Phil’s side. When Techno had first looked at Phil - a man with chin-length blonde hair, a green-and-white hat, and black and green robes - he honestly didn’t expect much from him. But from the moment Phil’s elytra wings had unfurled, Techno knew Phil was powerful.

Turns out Phil’s wings had only been a _glimpse_ into that power. As Techno traveled with Phil more and more, he saw more of the man’s skills, and his respect for him only grew. Techno saw how talented Phil was with a weapon, and how incredible he was at surviving in the harsh wilderness. Phil was much older than Techno - wiser, more experienced. And even though Techno knew he was a talented fighter himself, he was still only a teenager. He couldn’t help but look up to Phil.

Techno looked around the unfamiliar land that the server portal had placed him in. In front of him stood a large, circular structure made mostly out of stone bricks. Its large windows were covered with wooden bars. Above its iron front door hung the decapitated head of the Ender Dragon, as if it were just some common mob head being used as decoration.

“So… You _own_ this world?” Techno asked.

Phil looked back at the young teenager and smiled. “Yep! It’s my very own server. Come inside.”

Phil walked through the iron door of his base, not even giving a second glance to the Ender Dragon head. Techno, on the other hand, couldn’t help but stare up at it in awe as he followed Phil inside.

Phil crossed the stone floor of his base, walking over to a wall with chests upon chests stacked against it, all filled with supplies. Techno continued to look around, taking in the unfamiliar sights. The whole place was one, large room - clearly built for serving its purpose as a base, rather than with comfort in mind. In addition to the wall of chests, there was another wall full of furnaces. Other than that, the room was pretty empty with very little furniture. There was a bed, a couple wooden chairs, a table, and…

“Are those shulker boxes?” Techno asked, pointing to the purple containers on the floor.

“Yep.” Phil didn’t even look up from the chest he was searching through.

Techno blinked. “I’ve… I’ve never seen one before.” _Let alone so many._ With all these shulker boxes, plus the Ender Dragon head, _and_ Phil’s elytra, Techno couldn’t help but wonder - How many times had Phil traveled to The End dimension? How many times had he traversed its precariously-floating islands and fought it’s powerful inhabitants?

“I wouldn’t be able to construct my larger builds without them, so I made a bunch,” Phil answered - as if collecting materials for storage units was an understandable reason for _traveling to one of the most dangerous realms ever_. He closed the chest, his hands now holding a couple dead rabbits by their feet. “I’ll cook us up some dinner. You must be hungry after the day we had.”

“Sure, yeah,” Techno said, his voice quiet. Even though he trusted Phil, he couldn’t help but feel anxious - being on a foreign server surrounded by foriegn objects. He tightened his pig mask against his face. The familiar, safe feeling it provided him with helped to calm him down.

Techno sat down on one of the wooden chairs beside the table. Near him, Phil stood over a pot on a stove, next to one of the furnaces in the wall that roasted up the rabbits. Techno quietly watched Phil’s back as he faced away from him, stirring the broth in the pot, humming to himself. Sometimes his blonde hair would get his face as he looked over his cooking, and he’d have to tuck it behind his ears.

Eventually, Phil got bothered enough with his hair getting in his eyes. He took a hair tie off his wrist and tied it all back into a small, loose ponytail. Techno just continued to watch, not saying anything.

Phil turned to look at Techno. “You wanna come help me cook? Four hands are better than two.”

“I wouldn’t know what to do,” Techno said. He only knew how to use a furnace to make sufficient meals for himself. He didn’t know how to make things taste good like Phil did.

“I’ll teach you,” Phil nodded towards the stove, beckoning Techno over.

Techno hesitated, but eventually got up from his seat and walked over to Phil’s side. He looked down at the pot of simmering, _delicious_ -smelling broth. Immediately, strands of his long, pink hair fell into his eyes. After fighting mobs all day, it only made sense that a few locks had gotten loose from his braid.

Phil chuckled. “Let me take care of that for you.”

“Um, it’s okay,” Techno didn’t want to bother Phil - this talented, powerful man that he’d grown to admire - with something as silly and irrelevant as his hair. “I don’t wanna take your focus away from-”

“It’s fine.” Phil only met Techno’s shy face with a warm smile. “It’ll only take a second.” He slid the hair tie off the end of Techno’s braid and unplaited it. “I’ll have to brush this for you later. It’s a mess.”

“Sorry.”

“No, I didn’t mean it like that,” Phil laughed. “I’d be happy to.”

As a temporary solution, Phil ran his fingers through the long, pink hair like a makeshift comb, untangling the more annoying knots. He then re-braided the hair, pulling the loose strands out of Techno’s eyes.

“There,” Phil said as he tied off the braid. “Now let me show how I make rabbit stew.”

“Alright."

Techno listened carefully as Phil instructed him on what to do, hanging onto each word he said. What Phil taught him now might help him later - even if he was only teaching him how to season rabbit correctly.

When their meals were finished and poured into their wooden bowls, Phil and Techno sat across from each other at the table. They ate in silence.

Phil noticed over these past couple weeks that Techno didn’t talk much. That was alright - if that was what Techno preferred - but Phil didn’t want Techno to think that he _had_ to be quiet. He didn’t want Techno to think that talking might get him punished - like it might’ve done when Techno was kept locked under that colosseum.

“How is it?” Phil asked him.

Techno looked up from his bowl, looking at Phil through the white eyes of his pig mask. “S’good. Really good. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. I’m glad you like it.” Phil smiled.

Techno nodded. He shifted in his seat, then awkwardly ate another spoonful of stew.

“You look like you have something on your mind,” Phil said, his voice low and calm - as friendly and non-threatening as he could sound, encouraging conversation from Techno.

Techno looked away. “It’s nothin’.”

“You can still tell me even if it’s nothing. If you want.”

Techno didn’t respond immediately, thinking over his words in his head. Finally, he said, “No one’s… No one’s ever cooked a meal like this for me before. Not that I can remember, at least.”

Phil’s heart sank. _This poor kid._

“And no one’s ever braided my hair before. I’m always the one to do it for myself.” Techno looked at Phil again. “I just… I just keep wonderin’… Why me?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean _why’d_ you take me along with you?” Techno’s words came out sharper than he’d expected. “Why’d you help me escape the colosseum? Why do you… Why do you _care_ about me so much?!”

Techno seeked an answer because he genuinely didn’t understand. He was violent. He was a monster. And Phil was so much _better_ than him.

Techno didn’t think he _deserved_ any of this kindness.

But Phil’s mouth just curved into its classic, warm smile. “Cuz that cage was no place for you to live. I couldn’t stand to see you there.”

“But… But…” Techno’s mind couldn’t process that response. “But making me food, and letting me stay with you after you helped me escape - you didn’t have to do that. Why’d you-”

Phil cut him off with a laugh, as if the answer was obvious. “You’re still a kid, Techno. And you’re under my care. Of course I’m going to do those things for you. It’s not only my responsibility, but it’s what I _want_ to do.”

Techno stared at Phil blankly. He still didn’t really understand how Phil could possibly _want_ to do any of that stuff. No one had ever wanted to before - at least, he couldn’t remember anyone wanting to. He’d always been someone that took care of himself. No one had ever really been there for Techno like how Phil was being for him now. No one had ever acted like a… like a _parent_ towards him.

And in that moment, the voices inside Techno’s head raised in volume, as if they had all had the same idea at once.

They all began to chant in Techno’s ears, _‘Dadza!’ ‘Dadza!’_

“ _No_ ,” Techno grumbled to them under his breath. “No, guys-”

“Is something the matter?” Phil asked.

Techno quickly shook his head. “Nope! Everything’s fine.” He shook his head so fast, in fact, that it loosened his mask - almost causing it to fall from his face. Techno hastily caught it before it could fall off.

Phil chuckled. “You know, you don’t have to keep that thing on if you don’t want to,” he said, leaning back in his chair. “Although, I will admit, I _am_ curious about what you look like under there.”

Techno tensed. Through this whole time that they’d been traveling together, Techno had never once shown Phil his face. He usually never showed it to anyone - it was his one that was _his_ , that no one could take from him. He didn’t usually trust anyone else to see it.

But Phil… As he had proven time and time again, Phil was different.

Techno trusted Phil.

Slowly, he slid his mask off his face, revealing it to Phil for the first time.

Phil blinked, his posture straightening in surprise. He honestly hadn’t expected Techno to take it off. But now that he had, Phil could truly see just how _young_ Techno was. While his body was the tall, muscular form of a fighter - his young face proved that he was still just a teenager.

It only made Phil want to protect the kid more.

─────────────

In the present, Phil still laid on his bed in the attic of the cottage. The moonlight streamed into the dark room through the small windows. Phil closed his eyes and sighed - disappointed with himself.

He used to be so _good_. Where did he go wrong? How did he manage to do so well with Techno but not with-

He heard the door open and close downstairs, the sound pulling him out of his thoughts.

It was followed by the sound of footfalls climbing up the ladder. Phil sat up on his bed just in time to see Techno’s hand reach up from the floor below and grab the next ladder rung. A head of pink hair then came up to meet it.

“You were out late again.”

Techno whipped his head around to face Phil. His pig mask was on. “Why are you still awake?”

Phil waved off the question, his face stern. “No real reason. Just thinking about things. But don’t change the subject. I thought you said you wouldn’t be out long.”

Techno averted his eyes, looking a little guilty. He hiked himself up off the ladder and onto the attic floor. “I lost track of time.”

“What were you doing?”

“Huntin’.”

“The _whole_ time?”

Techno shrugged, still not meeting Phil’s gaze. He felt like how he would back when he was younger, when Phil would scold him for going out past curfew. “…Basically.”

Phil’s expression shifted from strict to concerned. “Techno, It’s only been a couple days since the battle at L’Manberg. You’ve been out late hunting every night since. You need to let your body rest.”

“It was less of a battle and more of complete domination on our part, to be fair.”

“ _Techno_.” Phil’s face grew stern again.

“Right, yeah, I’m…” Techno looked away. He shifted on his feet. It only took Phil’s light scolding to make this big, threatening warrior of a man turn into a shy kid again. “I’m sorry.”

Phil didn’t take the apology lightly. Sure, it was easier for Techno to apologize to Phil than it was for him to apologize to anyone else, but Phil knew it was still a big deal for him. “It’s alright. I just worry, you know?”

“You don’t have to worry about _me_ , Phil,” Techno said with a light laugh. “Technoblade never dies.”

“I know, but I can’t help it.” Phil stood up and walked closer to Techno. He began to examine his son’s body for wounds - lifting Techno’s arms slightly, looking around the unarmored joints of his elbows and shoulders.

“Phil-”

“Hush, let me fuss over you,” Phil chuckled. He reached up to casually take off Techno’s mask - revealing not the round, gentle face of that teenager from many years ago, but of the more mature face of the adult that Techno had grown up to be. His jawline was sharper now, with small scars on his cheeks that he'd procured over the years. But his eyes - they were still the same from when Phil first saw them.

“Did you eat?” Phil asked.

“ _Yes_ , Phil. I did,” Techno grumbled. This was reminding him too much of when he was younger. “Why are you treatin’ me like a kid all of a sudden?”

Phil laughed again. “Sorry. I’ve just been thinking a lot lately about when you were younger.” He paused, then said, “When _all_ of you were younger.”

“All of us? You mean Wilbur and Tommy, too?”

“Mhm,” Phil hummed, his eyes scanning Techno’s armor for any potential cracks and other damage.

Techno’s eyes flicked away again. When he spoke next, his voice was quieter. “…I’ve been thinkin’ of them, too.”

Phil looked up at him, a hint of surprise on his face.

“It’s actually… It’s actually the reason I've been out late so often,” Techno admitted. He broke away from Phil’s overprotective hands and began to pace the length of the attic floor, gesturing expressiving as he spoke. “I’m just so _angry_ , Phil. At Tommy. After he betrayed me the first time, I… I _forgave him_ , y’know? Because he’s… he’s…” Techno stopped walking and closed his eyes, like the next words were too painful to say, “…he’s my _brother_.”

The voices in Techno’s head quickly spiked to a higher volume - half of them cheering with agreement and the other half angrily denying the statement.

“Not by blood or anything! Obviously.” Techno quickly tried to lessen the impact of the admission. “Just… y’know…”

Phil just smiled at him. “Yes, I know.”

“And when he came to live here,” Techno continued pacing back and forth, his voice getting angrier, “I didn’t _have_ to let him stay. I didn’t _have_ to give him food, or give him the best armor that I could. Hell, I even gave him _my_ axe! Because I trusted him! Because I thought… I thought a kid like him didn’t deserve to be out there all alone on his own, y’know?”

Phil nodded, because yes, he did know. _Oh boy, did he know._

“And on the day of the festival,” Techno kept ranting, “When he was surrounded by thirty guys who all wanted him dead, I rushed in to help him! I didn’t have to do _any_ of those things that I did, especially after he used me the first time! But I still did! I helped him because he’s my _brother_ and I… I _cared_ about him!” Techno was shaking with rage now. “And he just- He just betrays me again! Like what I did meant _nothing_ to him! And do you know what he told Wil- _Ghost_ bur?”

Phil head perked up. “You’ve seen Ghostbur?”

“I ran into him today. In the woods,” Techno explained. “That’s why I stayed out so long, actually. I _had_ planned on coming back home at a reasonable time. But I talked with Ghostbur, and…” His pacing slowed to a stop, but didn’t turn to face Phil, “What he said made me even more angry.”

“What’d he say?”

Techno didn’t answer immediately. He ground his teeth in frustration, making his tusks show. “He said that Tommy had told him that I was _never_ their friend! That _they_ were friends with me, but he thought that _I_ never returned that friendship!” Techno’s hands were balled into fists at his sides. He finally looked at Phil. “Can you believe that?! After everything I did for that kid?! He was one of the few people that I actually _did_ care about! And he just- he just-” Techno gestured wildly with his hands, unable to form his fury into words.

Phil set his jaw. He couldn’t help but feel angry, too. _Very_ angry. He closed his eyes, trying to get his emotions under control.

He must’ve been silent for too long, because Techno piped up, “Phil?”

Phil blinked out of his thoughts. “Sorry, I’m just… That makes me furious, too. But I don’t want to feel that way towards my own son.”

Techno raised an eyebrow at him. “Why not? He deserves it.”

Phil let out a weak laugh and shook his head. “I… I had a talk with Ranboo today, while you were out.”

“Yeah? What kind of talk?”

Phil hesitated. It would hurt to admit everything out loud again, but he wanted to tell Techno. Techno deserved to know. 

So Phil told him. He told Techno everything that he’d said to Ranboo that afternoon - about how he wasn’t there for Wilbur and Tommy as much as he was for Techno. About how he didn’t see it back then, but he knew now. About how it wasn’t good for them, and how it might’ve been the reason all this conflict with L’Manberg even started.

At the end of Phil’s explanation, Techno sat down on his bed, his elbows resting on his knees. He had taken his armor off while Phil was speaking so he’d be more comfortable. Now he stared at the floor, processing the information.

Phil sat on his own bed, on the other side of the attic. He let Techno have his space to think.

Techno finally spoke up. “I don’t think you’re a bad father.”

Phil let out a quiet laugh. “Because I wasn’t to _you_.”

Techno shrunk in his seat. “You’re not my… You’re not…” Then he sighed. He’d already admitted tonight that Tommy was his brother. He might as well admit that Phil was his dad, too.

Phil let a smile grow across his face. He recognised the confession. It filled his heart with so much warmth, he thought it might burst.

But then Phil let his face grow serious again. “So, I know Tommy’s being difficult right now-”

“That’s putting things lightly.”

“- _but_ I can’t just abandon him because of it. If Tommy really feels like how he told Ghostbur, then it’s _my_ responsibility to show him that’s not true and that he’s loved - not push him away even further.”

Techno looked at him, then looked back at the floor. “Okay. I mean, that makes sense. That doesn’t mean I’m happy about it, though.”

“I didn’t expect you to be,” Phil chuckled. “I would appreciate it if you helped me, though. Wouldn’t it be nice to get the whole family on the same side again?”

Techno still stared at the ground. “We still wouldn’t have Wil.”

Phil’s face fell somber. He stood up and walked over to Techno. “Actually, Ghostbur’s asked me to help bring Wilbur back to life again.”

“Yeah, he told me about that when I saw him today” Techno looked up at him. “You’re gonna do it?”

Phil nodded and sat down next to his son on the edge of his bed. “Probably.”

Techno thought for a moment. “…I do miss him.”

Phil sighed. “I do too.”

“I’m still mad at him for makin’ you… y’know, do _that_ to him.”

“I know.”

“And he better not come back all… all twisted and stuff.”

“I hope he won’t either.” Phil gave a gentle smile. “He wants me to try to bring him back tomorrow.”

Techno’s head jerked towards Phil. “ _Tomorrow_?! He didn’t tell me that! That’s so soon!”

“I know, but that’s when he wanted it. Ranboo’s gonna come with me to help out.” Phil then gave Techno a persuading look. “You know, it would be helpful if you-”

“I’m _not_ coming. I don’t wanna see _any_ of those other people in L’Manberg. Especially if you run into Tommy.”

“I wasn’t gonna say you had to come with us.” Phil held up his hands innocently. “I was just gonna say it would be helpful if you gave us your Totem of Undying so Ghostbur could-”

“ _No_ ,” Techno said firmly, his eyes looking steely into Phil’s. “No, I only have one left, and it’s for _you_. You only have one life. I can’t let…” Techno trailed off as his voice began to sound more vulnerable. He looked away and took a breath. When he was confident he would sound normal again, he continued, “I can’t let somethin’ happen to you, alright?”

“Alright. Then we’ll try it without a Totem tomorrow.” Phil couldn’t help but smile at his son’s protectiveness. He reached his hand out and ran it over Techno’s long braid of pink hair, which was swung over his shoulder to the front of his body. It was matted, with flyaway hairs frizzing around the edges of it. “Look at this. Your hair’s a mess. There’s even some dried zombie blood in it.”

Techno groaned. “Phil, c’mon-”

But Phil was already pulling the hair tie off and unplaiting the braid. “Now now, no complaining. It’ll just take me a moment to fix it up. Where’s your brush?”

“…Middle drawer.”

After Phil retrieved the brush, Techno sat cross-legged on the floor and Phil sat on the edge of the bed behind him. He took a long lock of pink hair in his hand and brushed it carefully, getting the knots out.

They were both silent for a long while. The only sound that filled the room was the brush’s bristles running through Techno’s hair over and over at a slow, steady pace. Techno was almost lulled to sleep by it’s calming rhythm, his eyelids beginning to droop. It was late at night after all, and he was tired from hunting all evening

Eventually, Techno decided to talk to distract his mind from falling asleep. “You haven’t done this in a while.”

“It has been a while, hasn’t it?” Phil smiled, continuing to brush. “I missed it. You always have to go do it yourself these days.”

Techno didn’t respond immediately, his eyelids beginning to fall again and exhaustion clouding his mind. “Wil used to brush my hair a lot, too.”

“He did.” Phil put the brush down and began to re-braid the pink hair.

“Sometimes he’d hum to himself when he did. Usually one of his songs,” Techno continued. “…I really miss him. Ghostbur is nice, but he isn’t… _him_.”

“I know. I miss him, too.”

“I hope it works, when you try to bring him back to life.” Techno turned his head a bit to glance at Phil from the corner of his eye. “I’m still not lettin’ you use the Totem on him, but… I hope it works anyway.”

Phil smiled and nodded. “I hope so, too.” He finished up the braid and tied it off. “There. See? Told you it wouldn’t take long.”

“Mhm,” Techno managed to mumble out. He was really on the edge of passing out now. He stood from his seat on the floor, swaying a bit with dizziness.

Phil let out a light laugh and stood up as well, helping Techno up as he did.

He then looked into Techno’s tired eyes. His heart filled with that familiar, paternal pride and he couldn’t help but smile. That scared, hurt boy that he had found caged under that colosseum all those years ago had grown up into such a strong, capable man. And Phil was so proud of him for it.

Techno’s eyes blinked, drowsy and slow. Phil chuckled and put his hand on Techno’s cheek. “My sleepy boy.”

Techno let out an annoyed groan and lazily swatted Phil’s hand away. “ _Don’t_ -”

“That’s what I used to call you boys, remember? My sleepy boys.”

Techno ignored him, grumbling as he climbed into his bed, throwing the covers over himself.

Phil let out a quiet laugh. Now standing over him, he reached down to Techno’s head and gave his pink hair one last caress with his hand. “Goodnight, Techno.”

Techno, already half asleep, mumbled back deliriously, “Goodnight, Dad.”

Phil’s heart swelled with warmth. His smile grew wider across his face. Back when Techno was younger, he rarely called Phil ‘Dad’. But now that he was an adult, he never did at all. It had been a long, _long_ time since Techno had last called him that. Phil hadn’t realized how much he missed it. 

Phil turned around, walked to the other side of the attic, and laid down in his own bed. It wasn’t long before he finally fell asleep as well.

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _I know in Dream SMP canon Phil and Techno don’t know what The End is but like shhhhhh I already gave Phil elytra wings in the earlier chapters so we’re just electing to ignore that part of canon shhhhhhhhh_  
>   
>  This chapter has literally the fluffiest scenes I have ever written in my LIFE in it. I don’t usually write fluffy stuff, as I am definitely more of an angst fan, but I kinda accidentally started writing fluff and just went with it lol. I hope you enjoyed it lmao. All kudos and nice comments are greatly appreciated and encouraged!! Thank you for reading! I’ll see you in the next chapter!
> 
> ALSO!!! I’ve published another Dream SMP fic as well! It’s about Dream in the prison and Sam being a badass warden. [If you wanna read it, here’s a link!](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28946694/chapters/71027832) Feel free to check it out cuz when hits/kudos number go up, happy chemical go brrrr


	5. To Show That I Care

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Techno finds Tommy’s old cloak. Ranboo learns more about what kind of person Techno is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did y’all want more flashbacks? I gotchu fam.  
> Also this chapter is just nearly 6,800 words and I wrote it all in one day lmaooo I hope you enjoy it <3
> 
> Obligatory reminder - THIS FIC IS ABOUT THE CHARACTERS, NOT THE CREATORS!!! Anything portrayed in this fic (such as characters’ opinions, their actions, etc) are ONLY referring to the characters, and NOT to the creators.

A fresh layer of snow covered the ground the next day. Techno, as always, got up early to do his morning chores. Not wanting to wake Phil, he quietly slipped out of bed and crept down the ladder to the floor below. He threw on his pale blue cloak, lined with fuzzy, white fur on the edges. It was the same one that kept him warm while he ruled the Antarctic Empire. Now it served its purpose again on this server.

He was about to walk out the door when something else on the coat rack caught his eye.

Tommy’s old cloak. The one Techno had asked Phil to make for him. It was the same pale blue with white fur to match theirs.

To be honest, it caught Techno’s eye every time he went to get his own cloak from the coat rack. Usually he didn’t think much of it - but after yesterday, Tommy was in the forefront of his mind. The cloak was harder to ignore today.

Techno felt the blue fabric between his fingers, the garment cold and abandoned by its wearer.

Memories came into his mind unbidden.

─────────────

“Tommy! _Tommy!_ Get back here!”

Techno chased Tommy around the cabin while the young boy laughed hysterically, holding as many golden apples as he could in his skinny arms. Tommy was incredibly agile when he chose to be, running around the room and dodging Techno’s hands. He wore his blue cloak. It flapped behind him like a cape as he zoomed around.

“ _Tommy,_ can you stop being annoyin’ for _five_ seconds?!”

“You’ll never catch me, bitch!” Tommy leapt up onto the smithing table and sprinted across the countertop against the wall. One apple slipped free from his grip, but he let it fall to the ground.

He jumped off the counter when he reached the other end of the room, his cloak fluttering behind him as he dropped down to the floor again. In that moment, Techno was able to dash over and snatch the trailing blue fabric, pulling Tommy to a screeching halt.

“ _Ah!_ C’mon, man! You’re gonna make me drop all my gapples!”

“Those are _my_ gapples, Tommy!” Techno’s voice sounded a bit more high-pitched than usual, the way it did when he was incredibly exasperated. “I already gave you plenty! You don’t need anymore!”

“Yes I do!” Tommy argued back, holding the golden apples tighter to his chest. “Just in case, y’know?”

“Just in case _what_?”

“Can you stop wrinkling my cloak? Phil worked very hard on making it all nice and-”

“ _Tommy_ ,” Techno took a deep breath. Did the kid ever stop talking? “I mean it. You already have enough gapples. You need to remember that _I_ actually need some, too. _Please_ give them back.”

“Only when you let me go.” Tommy held his chin high in protest. “You’ve got me by the scruff like a cat- No! Like a raccoon! I’m like a raccoon, Technoblade!”

“Yeah, yeah I _know_ . You’re _literally_ livin’ in my floorboards. Give me the gapples back first.”

Tommy sucked his teeth, but then an impish little smirk crossed his face. “Fine, bitch!” He spread his arms, letting all the apples he held fall onto the floor.

“ _Tommy I swear-_ ”

“Alright, you promised you’d let me go now-”

“I’m gonna _actually_ throw you out the window-”

Tommy let out a loud, high-pitched scream that turned into a laugh. He unclasped his cloak, allowing him to escape Techno’s grasp and bolt down to his room, picking up a couple gapples from the floor along the way.

Techno wanted to tear his hair out. He angrily threw Tommy’s cloak at the coat rack, then followed him down to the ‘room’ he had dug from himself under the basement.

Tommy was jumping on his bed, eating a golden apple like it was candy. Techno’s gold blocks were still being used as decorations on Tommy’s wall. Techno closed his eyes and tried not to lose his temper. You would think that he’d be used to Tommy’s antics by now, but he wasn’t. Techno didn’t think he _ever_ would be.

“Hey Techno! Technoblade! Read the sign!” Tommy, still jumping on his bed, pointed to a sign on the wall. “It says ‘no pussies allowed’! That means _you_ , Techno! You’re not allowed in _my_ room!”

“Tommy, I’m gonna actually _kill_ you if you don’t shut up.”

“That’s not funny! I’m telling Phil you joked about that! _Phil! Phil_ -”

“Phil’s out minin’, Tommy! He’s not home. Just stop _shoutin’_.” Techno rubbed his temples with his hands. “Please, this is serious. I really need you to be serious, Tommy.”

“Why?”

“ _Why?!_ Because we’re about to sneak into L’Manberg! That’s serious! Now is there anythin’ else you need before we go? Like _actually_ need?”

“I need a girlfriend.”

“ _TOMMY_ -”

Just then, Techno’s communicator buzzed in his pocket. He sighed. He wanted to deal with Tommy first, but he reluctantly reached into his pocket and checked his messages instead.

His heart sunk in his chest.

It was Dream.

 _‘Hey Techno. Mind if I stop by?’_ That’s all the message read. And even though it ended in a question mark, Techno knew it wasn’t a question.

“Change of plans, Tommy,” Techno’s voice had hardened, low and composed. “You need to stay down here and be quiet.”

Tommy sensed the tone shift. “Why? What’s happening?”

“Dream’s on his way over again.”

And just like that, Tommy _froze_. It was as if a switch inside him had been flipped. All that bouncing, hyperactive energy drained out of the kid in an instant. He just stood there on his bed, staring at Techno with fear in his eyes.

The sight unsettled Techno, because it was _not_ how Tommy was supposed to look. It was just _wrong_. Tommy was recklessly fearless - to an infuriating degree. A frightened Tommy shouldn’t be possible - it felt like it was against the laws of nature. And Tommy had reacted in the same way when Dream had showed up at the door last time, too.

Techno hated it. Because even though Tommy could be annoying when he was happy and hyper, Techno would rather have him be like that than… than like _this._

What the hell happened to him when he was in exile?

“Dream’s coming?” Tommy’s voice was quiet. Too quiet. Too hopeless-sounding for _Tommy_ , the self-appointed ‘Big Man’ with an even bigger ego.

“Yeah,” Techno responded, still keeping his voice steeled and impassive, hiding how weirded out he was by Tommy’s unusual demeanor. “Don’t- Don’t worry about it, okay? Just stay down here and stay _quiet_. Got it?”

Tommy nodded, sitting down on his bed and pulling his pillow to his chest.

Techno climbed the ladder out of Tommy’s room. He made sure to replace the stone that covered its entrance, making it look like nothing unusual was under it. He then climbed up to the living room, put on his pig mask, and waited.

It only took a couple minutes until there was a knock at his door. Techno opened it, and sure enough, his eyes fell upon that eerie, smiley-face mask.

“Hello, Techno,” Dream said, his words too syrupy-sweet with fake kindness. His mask covered the majority of his face - hiding his eyes and nose - but it didn't reach down to his mouth. Techno could still see Dream's wicked smile. “How are you today?”

“Busy,” Techno said back, trying to sound mildly bothered by Dream rather than anxious. (Although, Techno told himself that he _wasn’t_ anxious. He didn’t _get_ anxious. And if he did, it wasn’t over _Tommy_ of all people. He _didn’t_. No way.) “You know, you showin’ up at my house without warnin’ really puts a dent in my schedule.”

Dream laughed - a perfected, rehearsed little thing. “I won’t be long. I just wanted to ask you again if you’ve seen Tommy recently.”

“Nope,” Techno said. Luckily, he was a good liar. His voice didn’t shake.

Dream titled his head to the side slightly. The beady eyes of his mask seemed to stare right into Techno’s soul. “Really? Are you sure?”

“I think I’d remember if I saw him.” Techno just stared back through the blank, white eyes of his own mask. “The kid hates me, y’know. I killed his best friend with a firework and apparently that really upset him for some reason. I don’t think he’d come within a mile of me, even if he had no other choice.”

“I’d like to check around anyway,” Dream said, pushing his way past Techno and walking inside.

Techno rolled his eyes behind his mask. When he spoke again, his voice dripped with sarcasm, “Well okay, then. Come on in! Welcome!” 

Dream looked back at him over his shoulder, flashing a passive-aggressive smile, his mouth pressed into a thin line. Facing forward again, Dream checked around Techno’s house.

“Why are there gapples on the floor?”

“Dropped ‘em,” Techno lied casually, picking the golden apples up from the ground and putting them away in a chest.

Dream then walked over to the box that Tommy had previously used as a hiding spot. He opened it, finding it empty. Good thing Tommy wasn’t there this time.

When Dream decided that he’d given the room a thorough search, he then stepped down the ladder, climbing past the first floor, into Techno’s basement. 

“Y’know,” Techno called down to him as he followed, “I don’t appreciate you walkin’ around like you own the place.”

“I do own the place. This is _my_ server,” Dream answered, letting a little malice slip into his tone. He stepped off the ladder and into the basement.

“Yeah, okay, but this is _my_ house. It’s still my property.” Techno stepped off next to him. “I know you don’t know how houses work, cuz you don’t have one-”

“I _have_ a house!” Dream said defensively, turning to look at him. Techno guessed Dream was glaring at him under that smiley-face mask. Good. He liked wearing down Dream’s oh-so-innocent outer shell and revealing his true, malevolent, hot-tempered nature.

“Sure, sure. We all believe you, Dream.” Techno smirked. The voices laughed in his head.

Dream set his jaw, but didn’t take the bait this time. He examined the basement, looking around, pushing against stones in the wall. Techno ignored the way his stomach flipped.

“I _know_ he’s here, Techno.” Dream’s voice still had that angry edge to it.

“Why would he _possibly_ be here?” Techno acted like it was the most ridiculous idea in the world. “I already told you. The kid hates me. And I hate _him_ , too. You saw how he established a government right in front of my eyes. He betrayed me.”

“But still,” Dream looked back at him, “Aren’t you two related or something? What was it - cousins? Brothers?”

The question caught Techno off guard, but he tried to look like it didn’t affect him. “Phil took us both in when each of us were younger, yeah. Wilbur, too. But I wouldn’t say that make him my _brother_ -”

“Still,” Dream walked closer to Techno now - slowly, like a predator stalking his prey, “That makes you both _family_ at least, doesn’t it? Even if Tommy wronged you in the past, family is still family. You’d forgive him. Maybe you’d even do a little _favor_ for him-”

Techno cut Dream off, not with a rebuttal, but by bursting out laughing. Sure, it wasn’t the most dignified of responses, but it worked for the time being. It sounded realistic enough, hiding the slight panic that was creeping up Techno’s spine. “ _Forgive_ that little brat? After what he did to me? No way, Dream. You take me for too nice of a guy. I haven’t seen that kid in weeks and I’m _happy_ about it. I never wanna see his traitor face again.”

Dream stared at him. He chewed his lip, trying to decide if Techno was lying or not. “Okay,” he finally said, still sounding like he didn’t quite believe him. “Alright. Well, I guess I’ve taken up enough of your time-”

“ _Yes_ , you most certainly have. I have stuff to do, you know.”

Dream didn’t respond as he climbed up the ladder.

Techno followed close behind, silently allowing relief to wash over him.

Dream opened the door on the first floor of the cottage, then looked back at Techno. “Just remember what I told you last time I came to visit, okay?”

“You mean about how you don’t have a house?”

“I _have_ -” Dream stopped himself mid-sentence, choosing not to argue back. He took a breath. “ _No_ , Techno. I mean what I said about Theseus.”

“Oh yeah. Right. That. I remember.”

“After his exile, he took refuge on an island. And then he got thrown off a cliff by the king of that island - that king that once kept him safe.”

“Yeah, I said I remembered, Dream. You don’t have to tell me again.”

Dream let out another annoyed exhale. “Just… Just keep it in mind.”

“Sure. Trust me, I’d happily punt that brat off a cliff if I saw him.” Techno laughed.

Dream turned away, his mouth curled into a scowl, clearly unhappy that he’d left empty-handed.

Techno didn’t bother saying goodbye. He shut the door, then waited until he couldn’t hear Dream’s footsteps outside anymore.

He then rushed down to the basement.

“Tommy! Tommy, he’s gone!” He removed the rock over the entrance to the boy’s room and slid down the ladder. “He’s gone now. You’re good.”

Tommy was still on his bed, his knees bent and hugged into his chest along with the pillow he held. He sniffed, then wiped at his eyes with his sleeve. “He’s r-really gone?”

“Yeah,” Techno said, worry creeping into his voice - because _Tommy was crying._ Techno felt like his brain encountered an error message. Tommy _didn’t_ cry. Techno hadn’t seen Tommy shed tears since the kid was very little. These days, Tommy screamed and yelled and laughed and annoyed the living hell out of Techno, but he didn’t _cry._

“What’s wrong? What are you cryin’?”

“I’m not crying, dickhead!”

“Um, yeah you are,” Techno deadpanned, then realized that probably wasn’t the best thing to say. Dammit, he wasn’t good at dealing with things like this. If only Phil was home. “Uh… Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” Tommy sniffed again, “I’m _fine._ ”

 _‘HE IS NOT FINE!’ ‘HELP TOMMY!’_ The voices in Techno’s head were screaming so loudly that he could barely think. He took off his pig mask, scratching the side of his head as he did so. What would Phil do in this situation? What would Phil say?

Techno didn’t meet Tommy’s eyes when he spoke next. “You can uh… You can talk to me, y’know. If something’s wrong.”

Tommy hugged his pillow closer to his bent legs. “Nothing’s wrong. Your _face_ is wrong,” he grumbled, clearly trying to sound more defiant than he actually did.

Techno snorted a laugh. "C’mon. Look, I uh… I mean it, okay? What’s up? I know Dream can be a bit creepy, but I swear he’s gone. You’re safe now.” He took a step closer to Tommy’s bed.

Tommy inched away, pushing himself backwards on his mattress with his feet.

Techno’s eyebrows furrowed. “Woah, hey, what’s wrong? Seriously, what is it Tommy?”

Tommy looked at Techno’s feet, his face half-buried in between his knees. It made his voice come out a bit muffled. “Did you really mean those things you said?”

“Huh? What things?”

“The things you said to _Dream_ , dickhead!” Tommy raised his voice a little. “I could hear you, y’know! You guys were walking around right above me!”

“What things are you talkin’ about?” Techno was still confused. “What did I say?”

“You said-” Tommy’s voice cracked. He wiped his eyes and looked away. When he spoke again, his voice had gone back to being quiet. “You said that… you _hated_ me.”

Techno blinked. He _had_ said that, hadn’t he? “Tommy, I didn’t mean it like-”

“And you said you were _happy_ that you ‘hadn’t seen me’!” Tommy made air quotes. “And that you ‘never wanna see my traitor face again’!”

“I only said that because I was _lyin’_ to Dream. So he wouldn’t think you’re here,” Techno said firmly. “I didn’t mean it. I _swear_.”

“Are you sure?” Tommy shot back. “Maybe… Maybe you’d just be happier if I’d left, huh? _Tubbo’s_ happier without me. That’s what Dream told me, y’know.”

“Tommy, I…” Techno let out an exasperated sigh. He had an idea of how to fix this, but it involved showing a side of him that he didn’t like to show. A _vulnerable_ side. “Listen.”

He strided over to Tommy’s bed and sat next to him on the edge of it, looking down at him.

“I don’t hate you. I promise, Tommy,” Techno said, his voice going softer than it usually sounded. “I only said those things so Dream wouldn’t think that I would let you hide in my house. But I _am_ letting you hide here - because I don’t hate you. I mean it.”

“Even though I’m a ‘traitor’ to you? Hm?” Tommy made more air quotes.

Techno sighed again. “I _am_ still a bit annoyed at you for what you did in L’Manberg. I’m not gonna lie to you. But I…” Techno looked away. “I’m not _angry_ at you about it anymore, okay? I forgive you.”

 _Because you’re my brother,_ Techno thought to himself, echoing what Dream had said. _And family is family._

“Yeah, well,” Tommy tried to cut through all the emotional tension hanging in the air. “ _I_ don’t forgive you for killing Tubbo, okay? Got that?” He stuck his tongue out at Techno.

Techno let out a quiet laugh through his nose.

There he was. _That_ was the Tommy he knew.

“I told you before, that stays in the pit.” Techno aggressively ruffled Tommy’s bushy blonde hair.

“Hey!” Tommy yelped, then laughed as he tried to break away from Techno’s hold on him. “Don’t fuck up my hair!”

“That’s for stealing my gapples.”

“I needed more!”

“No you didn’t!” Techno stood up from his seat on Tommy’s bed. “Now c’mon. If you need anything else, tell me. But if not, let’s head to L’Manberg.”

Tommy thought for a moment, checking the items on his equipment belt. “Okay. I think I got everything.”

“You have invis pots?”

“Yep.” Tommy pulled one off his belt loop.

“Alright. Let’s go.” Techno stepped onto the ladder and climbed out of Tommy’s room.

Tommy followed close behind him.

─────────────

Snapping out of the memory, Techno realized he was gripping Tommy’s old cloak so tightly in his fist that his knuckles were turning white.

The voices in his head continued their loud argument over whether or not he should hate Tommy for what he did. Techno thought the answer would be simple, but it wasn’t. His feelings were just as conflicted as his voices. He didn’t like that. He didn’t like when emotions were complicated and contradictory, where you had to talk about them to make sense of them. He didn’t want to talk about this at all. He just wanted to move _on_.

Half of him was furious at Tommy, yes. That part of him never wanted to see Tommy again.

But the other half of him… that part of Techno still liked Tommy. In fact, it even _missed_ him-

And Techno _hated_ that. He hated how Tommy could betray his trust _again_ , and yet he _still_ had this annoying little part of his heart that _cared_ about him. Why did he feel like that?

 _Because family is family_ , Dream’s words echoed in his thoughts.

Techno closed his eyes, trying to control his rage.

Well, at least Tommy hated _him_ now. That way, no matter what that annoying, caring part of Techno’s heart felt - Tommy wouldn’t want to see him again. Not after what Techno had done to L’Manberg.

Good, Techno thought. Let Tommy get as far away from him as possible. Techno hated these vulnerable feelings that Tommy brought out in him.

He yanked Tommy’s old cloak off the coat rack and threw it into a chest, shutting the lid so forcefully that a loud _bang_ echoed through the room. He then stormed out of the cabin, drawing his sword from its sheath as he slammed the door open and shut.

His morning chores could wait. He had to go hunting first.

─────────────

Wilbur’s resurrection attempt that day was not successful.

And while Phil was disappointed, a selfish part of the back of his head was relieved. He wouldn’t have to confront Wilbur yet - the _real_ Wilbur. He wouldn’t have to deal with all the emotions of seeing his son back from the dead. He wouldn’t have to see Wilbur in a potentially twisted, corrupted mindset again. No, he wouldn’t have to face any of that yet. That was all for another day.

Phil decided that if they wanted to bring Wilbur back, they were going to need a Totem of Undying after all. And if Techno wouldn’t give one to them - for understandable reasons - then they’d have to get one themselves. So he joined the others on their journey to a woodland mansion.

After the successful mission, Phil traveled back home with Ranboo, plenty of Totems of Undying in tow. They walked side by side along the empty, red expanse of the Nether Roof. Traveling by foot took a while, and there wasn’t much to see, but it was better than hiking through the netherrack cliffsides and mob-filled, fungal forests below them.

As they walked, Ranboo looked over at Phil. He noticed a small glint of light reflecting off the man’s ear. Ranboo squinted, looking closer, and discovered that Phil was wearing earrings. He hadn’t noticed until now. The earrings were made of tiny emeralds. The one on Phil’s right ear was a stud in the center of his earlobe, and the other one on the left ear dangled a bit on a thin, gold chain. The green of the emeralds contrasted nicely with the blue shade of Phil’s cloak.

“I like your earrings,” Ranboo said.

“Thanks, mate. Techno gave them to me,” Phil smiled. “He calls them our ‘friendship emeralds’.”

Ranboo laughed. “That doesn’t sound like something Techno would call _anything_.”

“I suppose,” Phil laughed back. “But we’ve known each other for a long time. The more you get to know him, the more of himself he shows to you.”

Ranboo turned away to look forward as he walked. “I hope so. I wanna get to know him more, but I don’t really know how to talk to him. Social situations in general are already hard for me. But like… It’s even harder when I’m talking to Techno.”

“How so?”

“I dunno. I just… I feel like I’m bothering him sometimes, since I’m staying with you guys and all. Sometimes I feel like he doesn’t want me here.”

“Aw, that’s not true,” Phil waved his hand. “Techno doesn’t mind you at all, kid. I know he’s not the warmest or the most open, but he likes you. He’s just not quick to trust. Give him some time.”

“Okay.” Ranboo understood that. He didn’t blame Techno for having trouble trusting others - after everything that had happened. “How will I know when he trusts me?”

Phil contemplated his answer for a moment. “Techno was never the best at expressing his emotions through his words. Instead, if he likes you, he’ll tend to give you gifts. And a gift could be anything - he might do something for you, like a favor. Or he might give you a physical object,” Phil ran his finger over the chain of his left earring. “Like my emeralds.”

“Huh. Really?”

“Yeah. Actions matter more to him than words.”

Ranboo nodded, thinking about that concept - thinking about how with that mindset, Techno must’ve been even more affected by Tommy’s actions that Ranboo had previously thought.

“That makes sense,” he said back quietly.

─────────────

Techno sighed. “What should I name all these dogs?”

He stood in the kennel, thinking aloud to himself - as he often did. It was a habit he developed after talking to Chat for so long. Around him, dozens upon dozens of tamed wolves stared at him, waiting obediently to be fed the food Techno held in his hands.

He had finally calmed down enough to finish hunting. Now he was finally getting around to his chores.

The voices in his head crowded his brain with responses to his question.

“Tell you what, Chat,” Techno said, “Whoever’s the loudest gets to name a dog.”

The voices instantly became deafeningly loud in Techno’s ears, all shouting names, fighting for his attention. Techno grunted, his hands dropping the dogs’ food and rushing up to cradle his head, the overwhelming noise giving him a migraine.

“ _OW OW OW Okay_ that was a mistake. That was not the best idea. Guys- Guys, c’mon. Calm down. Please stop. Stop. Oh my gods, _please_ quiet down.”

After a moment or two, Chat finally lowered their volume, and Techno’s headache faded as quickly as it had come. Techno let out a breath he hadn’t realized he’d sucked in. The voices were still pretty loud, but at least now they were manageable.

“You guys are really gonna make me get more nametags, huh?”

Still being bombarded with names, Techno let out an exasperated sigh and left the kennel. He returned with more nametags and named as many of his dogs as he could while he fed them.

When he finished and stepped out of the kennel again, he noticed a new set of footsteps in the snow, leading to the cottage. Phil and Ranboo were both out, but there was only one new set of footsteps returning home.

Techno opened the door to the cabin and found Phil by the fireplace, his armor removed. “Hey Techno.”

“Hey Phil. I’m guessin’ Wil isn’t back.”

“Nope. I think we’re gonna need a Totem in the resurrection ritual after all. Good news though…” Phil reached into his pocket and pulled out the two Totems of Undying he had found that day. “We went to go get some at a woodland mansion. I found extra.”

Techno couldn’t help but feel relieved at the sight of those little, golden statues in Phil’s hands. A weight of anxiety that he didn’t even know he was carrying was suddenly lifted from him. They had _extra_ Totems now. The more Totems they had, the safer Phil was.

“That’s great. Really.”

“I know, right? Ranboo wanted to go get even more, so he went to find another mansion.”

“So that’s where Ranboo is.”

“Yep. He also said that he wanted to go get his pets from his panic room and bring them back here.”

Tension found its way back into Techno’s spine. That panic room - that’s where Ranboo had told him that he’d heard Dream’s voice in his head.

Hopefully, that was only a one time thing.

“Alright. I’m gonna go check on the turtles. You wanna come with me?”

“Sure. Let’s go.”

They checked the turtle farm, making sure each one was fed and cared for. Then Techno moved onto his other chores, and Phil went back to the cottage.

After a couple hours, when Ranboo still wasn’t home, Phil’s parental instincts started to make him feel nervous. But he just told himself that he was being overprotective. Ranboo was fine. He was protected with the best armor possible and he had extremely powerful weapons. If he really went out to find a woodland mansion, that would take a while. The kid would be _fine_.

When the sun began to set, that’s when Phil allowed himself to really worry.

“Have you seen Ranboo? Has he come home yet?” Phil asked as Techno came through the door.

“No,” Techno raised an eyebrow. “He’s not back?”

Phil shook his head. “Do you think he’s okay?”

The memory of Ranboo talking about his panic room entered Techno’s mind. He remembered how scared Ranboo sounded when he was talking about hearing Dream’s voice.

Techno felt a nervous lurch in his gut, but he tried not to let anxiety cloud his judgement. He had to think about this logically. “Well, if he went to go find a woodland mansion, it’s very possible that he went to one that’s _really_ far away. It could take him the night to get there and back.”

Phil was pacing now around the room now. “But he’s just a _kid_. Traveling such a long way can be dangerous. What if he-”

“Hey,” Techno stepped in front of Phil. “I know you’re really tryin’ to be a good dad now or whatever, but this has nothin’ to do with that. This isn’t your fault.”

Phil took a deep breath to calm himself. “I shouldn’t have let him out of my sight. I should’ve gone _with_ him-”

“You know Ranboo is a very capable kid,” Techno tried to convince Phil - as well as himself. “He’s a bit like me, y’know? Remember how I used to go out at night all the time at his age? He’s gonna be fine.”

“He’s not answering his comm.” Phil took out his communicator from his pocket. “I sent him messages, but he hasn’t responded.”

“Did _I_ always respond when I was that age?”

“You do now.”

“Cuz I’m older now, and I don’t want you to worry so much.” Techno put a hand on Phil’s shoulder. “Ranboo probably didn’t think you’d be this freaked out about it, Phil. He probably thinks this isn’t a big deal. He’s perfectly capable of defending himself out there. He’s fine.”

“Okay.” Phil took another deep breath. “…Okay. You’re right. He’s a smart kid. He won’t do something stupid to get himself killed. But if he’s not back by here by tomorrow, we’re searching the entire server for him.”

“That’s fair,” Techno said, then smiled. “C’mon. Don’t worry. I’m sure he’ll be okay.”

Phil nodded. “Right… Yeah.”

  
  


:)

  
  


The next morning was just like the previous one. Techno woke up early, grabbed his cloak, and stepped outside into the snow.

Before he started his chores, however, he made his way over to Ranboo’s little shack to see if he’d come home the night before.

The house Phil had built for Ranboo was small and simple - spruce wood walls and a triangular roof, with a little stone chimney on top. There was also a little outdoor area surrounded by a fence, containing plenty of space for Ranboo’s pets.

Techno saw smoke puffing out of the little shack’s chimney, denoting the fireplace was lit inside. A wave of relief washed over him. That meant Ranboo was home. Not that Techno was _that_ worried. Not at all. Totally.

He knocked on the door just to double check. “Hey Ranboo. You in there?”

Behind the door, Techno heard the muffled sound of someone’s breath hitching. Then a quiet, hiccuping sob.

Techno’s brows furrowed in concern. “Ranboo?”

Another sob, this one attempting to be even quieter.

Techno opened the door.

Ranboo was sitting on his bed. His long, enderman legs were bent and hugged into his chest, along with a pillow that he also pressed against himself.

Techno’s eyes widened, and his mind flashed back to _Tommy, sitting on his bed in his room, wiping his eyes, “Did you really mean those things you said?” “You said that you_ **_hated_ ** _me-”_

“Ranboo, what’s wrong?” Techno blinked himself out of his thoughts.

Ranboo shook his head, then buried it between his knees. “I-I’m sorry!”

“Why are you sorry?” Techno’s eyebrows scrunched together even more.

“I don’t- I don’t mean to bother you, Techno.” Ranboo sniffed. “I’m s-sorry that- that I’m crying.”

Why did Techno keep getting placed in his situation? He was the _least_ qualified person to deal with this, yet here he was, in front of a crying kid _again_. That’s what he got for living with Phil - always bringing home kids that were in need.

He shook his head. Whether qualified or not, Techno was _here_ , and - as Chat was very loudly reminding him - he had to help Ranboo feel better. “You’re not botherin’ me. I promise. I wouldn’t have entered the room if this was somethin’ that bothered me.”

Ranboo sniffed again. That was true - Techno _had_ entered the room on his own accord.

 _Actions meant more than words when it came to Techno,_ Ranboo was reminded of the concept Phil had spoken of. Maybe that meant Techno really _was_ telling the truth when he said he wasn’t bothered…

“Seriously man, what’s wrong?” Techno asked again. “Did somethin’ happen last night?”

Ranboo hesitated for another moment, then nodded his head behind his knees. “I… I think so.”

“You _think_ so?”

“I don’t remember…” Ranboo hiccuped another sob. His tears stung the skin on his cheeks. “I don’t remember what- what happened last night. I don’t even… I don’t even r-remember how I got home. I just- I just woke up here.”

“Okay…” Techno said warily. What did he do now? How was he supposed to help? How did he _fix this_? “Um, what’s the last thing you remember?”

“I… uh…” Ranboo thought for a moment. He wiped his eyes, then spoke again. “I went to my panic room-”

 _That damn room again_ , Techno thought. He knew it. He knew it yesterday, but yet he told himself not to worry.

“-and I… I wanted to get my cats and my dog. But I think… I think the Dream voice came back.”

Techno closed his eyes. _Dammit._ He _knew_ it. He could’ve _stopped_ this.

And what was it with Dream, huh? How come whenever Techno was confronted with a crying child, Dream’s name somehow came up?

“Do you remember what Dream’s voice said?” Techno walked over to Ranboo’s bed and sat on the edge of it, just like he’d done with Tommy. That had seemed to help in that situation. Hopefully it helped here, too.

“I… Let me see…” Ranboo thought longer. “Wait, maybe I… Maybe I wrote it down?” He reached for his memory book and frantically flipped through the pages.

He finally found words that he didn’t remember being there before.

Right next to _‘You blew up the community house’_ , new words were written in shaky letters that said, _‘You gave Dream your memory book’_.

“I… I _what_?”

“What is it?”

“Nothing!” Ranboo said quickly, shutting his book and tossing it to the far side of the bed. “I-It’s… It’s nothing.”

Techno raised an eyebrow at him. “Yeah, cuz _‘nothing’_ got you all freaked you out like that. C’mon, what is it?”

Ranboo took a deep breath. “Dream’s voice said that I… that I…” He shook his head. He didn’t wanna say it out loud. “That I did something else that I don’t remember doing.”

“What kind of somethin’ else?”

Ranboo shook his head again. “I don’t… I don’t wanna say.”

Techno stared at Ranboo for a moment, then shrugged, deciding not to push to the subject. “Alright. That’s okay. I wouldn’t wanna make you more upset by talkin’ about it.”

“Thanks,” Ranboo said meekly, relieved that he didn’t have to admit to what he’d done - if he really _had_ done it. “I’m sorry,” he apologised again.

“Nah, it’s… it’s fine. Really.” Techno shifted uncomfortably in his seat. “ _I’m_ sorry that… that I’m not, y’know, _better_ at this whole thing.”

Ranboo let out a weak laugh. “That’s okay. If it makes you feel any better, just having someone else here helps a lot.”

“Good.” Techno paused, then lifted his hand and awkwardly clapped it on Ranboo’s shoulder.

Ranboo seemed to relax at the touch. Cool, so that seemed to work. Techno would have to remember that little trick.

“Can I ask you another question about your voices?” Ranboo piped up. He had pretty much stopped crying by now, but his voice was still a little hoarse. “If not, that’s okay-”

“Nah, it’s fine. What d’you wanna know?”

Ranboo looked at the floor. “How often do you hear them?”

Techno let out a little scoff. “Gods, _constantly_. All of them just keep talkin’ 24/7. From the moment I wake up to the moment I fall asleep. Even in my dreams they’re there.”

“Oh, wow. That’s… a lot.”

Techno shrugged. “I’m used to it. It’s all I’ve ever known.”

“Right.” Ranboo glanced at the ground again. “…What’re they saying right now?”

“Heh?”

“Sorry, I was just… I was just curious. You don’t have to tell me.”

The voices were saying, _‘Ranboo!’ ‘New brother!’ ‘Ranboo best boy!’ ‘Best enderman boy!’ ‘Protect Ranboo!’_

Techno shrugged. “They’re not sayin’ much right now. Just mumblin’ about how I have to go feed the dogs soon.”

“Huh. I see. What else do they usually say?”

“Most of the time they make fun of me, to be honest,” Techno said, which managed to get a small laugh out of Ranboo. That made Techno smile. “Yeah. Like every mornin’ when I wake up, they shout ‘Technolate’ at me, even when I wake up early. And sometimes they just… scream.”

“Scream?”

“Yeah. Like this high-pitched shrieking sound. Like _‘EEEEE’_ ,” Techno imitated the horrible noise the best he could. “It’s so annoyin’.”

That made Ranboo laugh again, a bit louder this time.

Good, Techno thought. Maybe he wasn’t so bad at this whole ‘comforting’ thing after all.

Under his hand that was still on Ranboo’s shoulder, he felt the boy shivering slightly. “Are you cold?”

“A bit,” Ranboo said. “I lit the fireplace, but I’m still a bit chilly. I think it might be an enderman thing. I dunno.”

An idea popped into Techno’s mind.

He didn’t know if he should but… ah, what the hell. The kid needed it.

“Come with me.” Techno stood up and made his way to the door. Ranboo followed him curiously.

They went back to Techno’s cabin and walked up the side staircase to the second floor entrance.

Techno carefully opened the door. “Phil’s still asleep upstairs. Try not to wake him,” he said softly to Ranboo. “He barely gets enough sleep as it is.”

“Alright,” Ranboo whispered back, entering the room as well.

Techno walked over to one of the chests by the wall. He reached inside.

He retrieved Tommy’s old, blue cloak. The one that matched Techno’s and Phil’s.

He turned around and handed it to Ranboo. “Here. This’ll keep you warm. It uh… It used to be Tommy’s, so it might be a bit small on you. He was always kinda tall for his age, but he wasn’t, y’know, _enderman_ tall or anythin’.” Techno looked away awkwardly, not meeting Ranboo’s eyes.

Ranboo just stared at the cloak in his hands, mouth slightly agape.

 _“If he likes you, he’ll tend to give you gifts,”_ Phil had said before. _“Actions matter more to him than words.”_

“Thank you,” Ranboo said, his awe clearly showing in his voice. He threw the cloak around his shoulders.

“It’s uh… It’s really no problem,” Techno scratched the back of his neck and still didn’t make eye contact. “The old thing was just lyin’ around anyway.”

Ranboo played with the hem of his new cloak between his fingers. Then his eyes shot wide open in realization. “Wait right here!”

“Heh?” Techno just stared dumbfounded as Ranboo bolted out the door. _What the hell-_

In less than a minute Ranboo had returned, holding a netherite axe. “I have a present for you, too!” He held the axe out for Techno to take, hoping that with Techno’s gift-giving mindset, this was a good enough way to say ‘thank you’. “I made this the other day. Cuz I heard you had lost your old one when you were, uh… blowing up the country.”

Techno blinked, staring down at the axe in shock. Hesitantly, he lifted it from Ranboo’s hands and held it in his own. The axe was well made - nice weight, good craftsmanship. Carved into its hilt were the curved letters of the language of the enchantment table, spelling out what enchantments it had. Techno read them, and found that they were the same ones that Axe of Peace had.

Tommy had never done something like this for him before.

“Well I- I suppose this- this is-” Techno stuttered profusely, looking away. “Uh, I guess- I _guess_ this gift is _sorta_ okay.” He put the axe through one of the loops on his equipment belt. “I suppose I might find a use for this. My heart isn’t warmed at all.” He then shot Ranboo a look, an attempt at a glare that fell flat. “Just because you gave me this axe doesn’t mean we’re _friends_ now, alright? Don’t get any ideas.”

“No, no, of course not.” Ranboo barely held back his laughter. He was glad his message had clearly come across.

The room then filled with an awkward silence, one that Techno desperately wanted to break _very_ quickly.

“Hey,” he finally spoke up, gaining most of his composure back, “Phil told me that you were lookin’ for woodland mansions. You wanna go to one today? Maybe it’ll get your mind off things.”

Ranboo nodded. “Yeah, sure. Good idea.”

“Cool. We’ll have a little adventure, then.”

Ranboo’s eyes widened. “You’d come with me?”

“Yeah, it’ll be fun,” Techno said, but then his voice grew a bit unsure. “I mean, if you want-”

“No, yeah, that’d be awesome!” Ranboo grinned. “I’d love that.”

“Great,” Techno shyly smiled back. “After I do my chores and we eat breakfast with Phil, then we’ll go.”

Ranboo bounced on his toes in excitement. His new cloak rippled behind him in response to the motion. “Sounds great.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Could I have separated this chapter into two chapters? Probably. Did I not want to because I wanted the theme with the cloak to come full circle at the end? Yes, absolutely.
> 
> The scene where Ranboo gives Techno the axe is one of my favorite scenes ever in the SMP so I just _had_ to do a little emotional retelling of it in this fic. I also gave Ranboo a better shack to live in cuz I thought he deserves a nicer house lol. Also, in that flashback, that was my first time really writing Tommy so I hope it worked out.
> 
> Hope you liked this extra long chapter! As always, your kudos and nice comments are always greatly appreciated and encouraged!! Thank you so much for reading <3


	6. Empty Spaces

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ranboo’s mind goes to a dark place, but luckily, he’s surrounded by people who support him. Meanwhile, Techno learns how to open himself up again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello I’m finally back with another chapter aND ITS IS OVER 7,300 WORDS I DIDN’T MEAN FOR THAT TO HAPPEN-  
> I hope you wanted content cuz here it is lmao. I also pulled out the Zalgo text for the beginning of this chapter lol I hope it’s readable.
> 
>  **This chapter has a lot of angst** , so I’m just gonna put a **!!!TW!!! for anxiety, anxiety attack, LOTS of negative self-talk, a little derealization, and mentions of past assisted suicide (refering to Wilbur)**. Stay safe as you read!!! <3
> 
> Also Phil made it canon that the reason why his character can’t fly in the Dream SMP is because he used his wings to shield Wilbur when he pressed the button to blow up L’Manberg (basically he made what happened in the SAD-ist animation canon). Anyway this idea is angsty as hell and I love it so you know I had to include something similar in my fic.
> 
> Enjoy the long chapter! I hope you like it <3
> 
> Obligatory reminder - THIS FIC IS ABOUT THE CHARACTERS, NOT THE CREATORS!!! Anything portrayed in this fic (such as characters’ opinions, their actions, etc) are ONLY referring to the characters, and NOT to the creators.

_“Ĺ͟é̴t̀͘͢’̕͘s͡ ͘͟g̸o̧̕ b̨͝à̴͘c̸͞͠ķ͏͠.̛͘ T́w̶o͘͟͏ ͞n̴͜i͠g̶͢͠h͠t̡͏s̢ a̸̢g̢o.̡”_

_“Okay.”_

_“Ỳo̧u b̡la͘ck̶èd ơut. ҉You we̕re h̀e͞re.̵ ͜Tḩe͡n ̷you̴ wȩr̢e͞ ̸at͠ ̀yo҉u̶r h̴oųse. J̶ust t̨rỳ ͞àǹd re͜memb͝ȩr ̸- ̕wh҉a̷t̷ h͝a̸p҉p̧e͏nęd?̵ W̶hat ́ha̶pp҉e̵ned̴ th̕a̸t ni̛ght̴?͟ S̛om̕et͞h̨i̶n̵g̸ h͟ap̕pe͡ne̴d̕. ͘Som̀et̕h̨i҉n̴g ҉I r͢emem͜b̕er,̨ ̀an̸d͢ ̛I͟’̧m̕ ͞y͟òu. Y͞o̧u ̧c͝an̵ ͝r҉emembe̛r. ̛J҉ust th͜ink̷.͠”_

_“I… I do remember walking out. I went… towards the portal. And then… there’s a gap. There’s a gap between me about to find the portal… and…”_

_“Oka͘y͞,̵ y̸oư ta̛lked̷ to D̛̺r̖̣̯͇e͎̠͎̜͇̹̰͝ḁ͖m͙͇! ͡W̨hat ́d̕id̀ D̶r̀e͏am ͘sa͝ỳ?͟!̨ D̛o ̷yơu rem͝em͞b̧eŗ?͞ ̴Ýo̢u͝ tal͏ked̢ ̷to̕ D̴ream͟.̨”_

_“I talked to Dream?”_

_“Yòu̷ met̨ ̨wit͡h Ḑ̹̳͙̲̥̘r̟̩͍̲̩͎ḛa̯̮̼̟̼͞m̘̟! Ỳo҉ų m͠et w̷i͠t̶h̨ ̀D͜r̷ȩam ̴i̸n͠ ̢th̨e ̶Ne͞t͘her.͞ Wha͟t d͟id͝ ͝he sąy?”_

_“Wha…?”_

_“Y̶̡͏̫O̷̞̯̹̺̬͉̗̞U̴̡̬̫̗̦̺͉͚͓ ̝̺̝́͘C̢̹̩̱͇̞̙̞͚̮̀Á̝̻̤̪̙̺̖͟N̪̖͉̬̝̫̩͜ ̨̗͔͖̯R̻̗͇̦̺̹̼͙̮͘É̢̢̪̘̼̻̣̣M̴̦̱̻̻͚̯̯̖E͎͜M̷̵͔̝̗̰͙B̀҉̡̹̜͚E͚͝͞Ŕͅ!̞̘͔̀̕͝ Just͢ T҉H͜I̡NK!͏ J̢u͘s̶t͟-̛”_

_“Keeping something safe?”_

_“…Yea͢h̷.̡ ̶Yoù’̵re gett̴in͞g͢ ̷ćlos̵er͟.͡”_

_“Keeping… something very valuable safe… Saying that he trusts… this state of me… more than the other state. Meaning this state. What did I- What did I keep safe?”_

_“Yo͞u g͏ot͞ it ́fr̵om ͡Ske̕ppy̢.”_

_“…The disc.”_

_“L̶įsten͝. ̡Just͝ ̶r̀҉̹̭̲̱̱͕͇e̪̼̜̹m͓̝̗͕e̡̤̜͈̻̘͖͙m̵̷̧͈͕͇̣̲̰ę̹̦̣͚̹̻̼͙͔b̕҉҉̹̼̺e̺̮̤̰̱̪̼̳͝ṟ͟͡”_

_“He… He gave me a disc to keep safe…”_

_“Wait but where- where did I keep it? Where… Where could I have… Where could I have kept it?”_

_“I have to go back.”_

_…_

_…_

_“No…_ **_No…_ ** _”_

  
  


:)

  
  


Phil popped his head through the front door of the cabin. “Techno?”

“Yeah Phil?” Techno answered. They had both just woken up. The sun had just barely started to rise. Techno was about to start on his morning chores. 

“Did you do some, uh… _yard work_ in the back lawn?”

“No?” Techno raised an eyebrow.

“Huh. Okay then.” Phil sounded just as confused as Techno. “…I need to show you something outside.”

Techno followed Phil out the door. It had been a few days since Techno and Ranboo’s journey to the woodland mansion, and the three of them had been taking the time to relax. Techno was even going to bed at a regular time, rather than hunting late into the night.

Phil led Techno behind their house. They didn’t have to walk that far for Techno to see what Phil was talking about.

Right in front of Ranboo’s shack, there was a giant hole in the ground.

Techno squinted at it. “Heh?!”

“I don’t know either.” Phil crossed his arms. “Charged creeper?”

“I mean, maybe?! If it was, it’s kinda weird that Ranboo’s house didn’t get blown up with it.” Techno approached the crater and knelt down beside it, tracing the edge of it with his hand. “No scorch marks. And I don't smell any gunpowder in the air. Although, the wind could’ve cleared that away by now.”

“I’m surprised we didn’t hear an explosion last night,” Phil added.

“Right?! Yeah, we would’ve. I know _I_ would’ve woken up if that loud of a bang went off right next to the cabin.” Techno stood up again. “Okay. Charged creeper theory is out. What else could this have been?”

“I really don’t know.” Phil stepped forwards to be beside Techno. “Maybe… I dunno, a huge group of endermen came by and all picked up the dirt, then teleported away?”

Techno snorted a laugh. “I mean, it’s possible. Maybe Ranboo had a family get-together and they all took some dirt as souvenirs.”

“Perhaps,” Phil laughed, too. “Well, whatever caused it, we should probably fill it in now.”

“Yeah,” Techno sighed. “ _Gods_ , this is gonna take a while.”

They spent the early morning filling the mysterious empty space back up with dirt. By the time the sun had fully risen, the ground looked normal again.

“That was so weird.” Techno still couldn’t wrap his mind around it.

“Yeah,” Phil agreed, leaning on his shovel that he’d stuck in the dirt. “You think Ranboo knows what happened? It was in front of his house, after all.”

“Maybe.” Techno shrugged. “We should ask him.”

Techno walked over to Ranboo’s little shack and lightly knocked on the door, pushing it open as he did.

“Hey Ranboo, did you by any chance-”

Techno froze.

Ranboo was still asleep in his bed, curled up under the blanket.

Techno closed his mouth and slowly backed away, shutting the door behind him.

Phil gave him a confused look. “What happened?”

“He’s still asleep.”

“Huh. Interesting.” Phil put his hand against his chin, thinking. “Isn’t he usually awake by now?”

“Yeah. He’s like me. Likes to get things done early.”

“Maybe he was up late last night.”

“You mean like,” Techno gestured to where the chasm in the ground had once been, “Up late diggin’ a giant pit? Why would he do that?”

“I dunno!” Phil threw his hands up. “It was just a thought.”

Techno huffed a laugh, then started walking towards the kennel. “If we’re done here, then I’m gonna go feed the dogs now.”

─────────────

When Ranboo finally woke up, he didn’t remember anything about the previous night.

Alone in his bed, he cradled his head in his hands. His throat let out low, whining sounds without his permission as he tried not to cry. It was so scary - to in one moment be somewhere, and in the next moment wake up in bed, miles away from that previous spot. What the hell happened? What the hell did he _do this time_ -

He was scared to look in his memory book. The last time something like this happened, he opened up his memory book and discovered that he’d apparently been helping Dream during the times he had gaps in his memory. He didn’t want to open his book again and find out something else similarly terrifying.

While thinking about the last time this happened, Ranboo remembered how Techno had been here with him. How Techno had comforted him.

Ranboo wished Techno was with him again. Then he wouldn’t feel so scared.

He could go ask him for help, but…

No. Ranboo could see how Techno was so clearly uncomfortable with helping him the last time. Ranboo didn’t want to put Techno in that awkward situation again. He didn’t want to bother him.

Even if he felt like he really needed him right now.

Ranboo shook his head. He sniffed back his tears and put on a determined face. He could _do_ this. He could look in his memory book. Everything would be fine. What’s the worst it could say?

Ranboo’s hand tentatively reached for his book. He ran his fingers along the edge of the cover, then slowly opened it up.

Right on the first page, it read:

_:)_

_You blew up the community house :)_

_You had THE disc :)_

Ranboo shut the book and threw it across the room.

His hands began to shake in panic. He couldn’t hold back his tears anymore. Water streamed from his eyes and burned white-hot against his half-enderman face. His mind couldn’t think clearly - it just spirialed with worry and fear and _pain_.

He missed Techno’s hand on his shoulder - grounding him, reminding his brain that he was _here_ , that the present moment was _real_ and not some guessing game of ‘what if’s and ‘did that actually happen’s.

He shook his head again. No, he couldn’t go ask Techno for help. He couldn’t ask Phil, either. They were so nice to him, and for what? For Ranboo to go behind their backs and work for Dream? Sure, Phil and Techno had worked with Dream too, but that was temporary. They didn’t _like_ Dream. They didn’t _still_ work with him. That was a one-time thing.

Not like Ranboo. Who _knows_ what Ranboo had been doing the past few times he’d blacked out. He could still be seeing Dream everyday for all he knew.

Ranboo clawed at his head, his hands shaking with fear and frustration. _Stupid brain._ Stupid empty spaces in his memory. Why couldn’t he just _remember_?

He stayed in his bed, trembling. He began to take deep breaths, trying to calm himself down.

He couldn’t run to Techno and Phil for comfort.

He didn’t deserve it.

─────────────

“You think he’s awake by now?” Techno asked Phil inside their cabin.

“I hope so. It’s almost noon,” Phil said, pouring some tea he had just finished making with a brewing stand. “I’ll get started on making us all some food. Here,” he handed Techno a cup of tea.

Techno took it, the teacup feeling small in his large hand. “Thanks.”

Phil responded with a smile, then turned around to begin preparing their meal. Over the countertop, he expertly skinned and butchered a couple rabbits that he had hunted earlier.

Techno stood silently, drinking his tea. He watched Phil’s back as the older man prepared the ingredients, moving as elegantly as if he were dancing. His wings were out, neatly folded behind his back. Since he was so close, Techno couldn’t help but look at them.

Those wings had been damaged when they were wrapped around Wilbur, protecting him as he blew L’Manberg to pieces. Where those wings were once completely covered in shining feathers, they were now patchy with burn scars.

The sight of it made Techno grit his teeth, a familiar anger stirring in his gut. Phil sacrificed his wings to protect Wilbur, and yet Wilbur still begged Phil to kill him. Phil had lost his wings for nothing.

Techno realized he was holding his teacup so tightly that his knuckles were turning white. He quickly relaxed his hand before he accidentally shattered the fragile little thing. He had drank all the tea in it by now anyway, so he placed it down on the counter next to the brewing stands.

He wanted to distract his mind. He turned to Phil again. “You need help?”

“Sure,” Phil smiled. He didn’t look up from his work, focusing on finely chopping carrots into equally-sized chunks. “You can prepare the potatoes.”

Techno huffed a laugh, walking over to the chests in the back of the room. “That’s always the job you give me.”

“What can I say? You’re the potato expert,” Phil chuckled back.

“At _farmin’_ them, not cookin’ them.” Techno retrieved a few potatoes from a chest, as well as a small, iron paring knife.

“Still,” Phil said, still looking down at his work, his back to Techno, “You know how to make this recipe, right?”

“Of course. You’ve shown me a ton of times.” Techno walked back over to the counter, laying his stuff out next to Phil’s. “Plus, rabbit stew was one of the first recipes you taught me.”

“You remember that?”

“Course I do. You showed me during the first time I went to your base.”

“Yes, I did. Funny, I was just thinking about that the other day.”

They began to work next to each other in comfortable silence. Peeling potatoes and cubing them into large chunks served as a good enough distraction from Techno’s angry thoughts for a while. But the motions of the knife in his hands soon became second nature, and his eyes wandered over to Phil’s wings again - those once sleek, gray feathers now crumpled and charred black.

Phil looked over at him for a moment and caught him glancing. “What’s on your mind?”

Techno blinked and quickly looked back down at his work. “Nothin’.”

“You can still tell me even if it’s nothing. If you want.”

A trace of a smile ghosted across Techno’s lips. Phil always said that to him. “It’s sad. I don’t wanna bring down the mood.”

“Well, I can’t have you being sad all by yourself, now can I?” Phil said with a smirk. It was a light, playful way of saying _‘you don’t need to deal with this alone. Let me carry some of the burden for you.’_

Techno understood. Again, this wasn’t the first time he’d had a talk like this with Phil. “Do you ever miss flyin’?”

Phil physically deflated, although he tried to hide it. His shoulders dropped and his eyes flicked away, a new tension forming in his jaw. “Yes, I do.”

“And you’re _sure_ Mending doesn’t fix your wings? They do come from an elytra, after all.”

“I’m sure, Techno,” Phil said solemnly. “This type of damage can’t just be fixed with mere enchantments. Or even a grindstone.” He flexed his wings a bit, spreading out the singed edges of the primary feathers. “I’m afraid these are beyond repair.”

This wasn’t helping. This was just making Techno more angry. “It’s so unfair! You _have_ more elytras back at your server! I don’t understand why Dream won’t let you get another!”

Phil shrugged. “I don’t know either. But it’s his server. Those are the rules.”

“Dumb rules,” Techno grumbled. He finished chopping his potatoes. Lifting up the cutting board, he slid the potato chunks into the pot of simmering broth that Phil had put on the stove. “I’m still mad at Wilbur, too. It’s his fault.”

Phil tisked. “Don’t say that.”

“It _is._ I don’t care that he blew up L’Manberg - obviously - but I _do_ care that he made you… do what he made you do to him, even after you sacrificed your wings for him.”

“You don’t have to censor yourself, Techno. You can say he made me kill him.” Phil sounded cold, numb to the fact. “I don’t mind the word.”

Techno tensed. He didn’t answer.

“You know, on that day,” Phil’s tone was grave, yet he spoke so calmly - stirring the stew as he did so. The memory of that moment with Wilbur had played over and over again in his head so many times - during the day, during his dreams - it haunted him. It repeated so much that he had almost become desensitized to it - a way of coping that Phil had learned over the years, after seeing so much death. It was the way a hardened warrior dealt with these things, and he knew he had inadvertently passed this method of coping on to Techno, too. “When I pressed my sword against his chest, I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t do what he was asking me to do. So Wilbur grabbed the blade of my sword with his own hands and pulled it into his chest. It cut up his palms real bad, too. Ghostbur still has the scars.”

Techno turned his back to the counter and leaned against it, crossing his arms. The grief in his heart burned, but he pushed it away, refusing to let himself feel it. He tried to numb himself to the pain - again, something he’d unconsciously learned from Phil. “I don’t understand why he did it. He had won! He had gotten his stupid little government back! Why did he want you to- to kill him?”

Phil could explain it to Techno - how the reason Wilbur had wanted to die didn’t have anything to do with L’Manberg. It had everything to do with the spiraling thoughts that had completely taken over his mind. It had to do with the paranoia that all the people he once trusted were now out to get him - the belief that everyone hated him and that he was completely alone, and that anyone who said otherwise was lying.

Phil could explain how he knew that it was partly his fault - for not being there for Wilbur when he needed him. For inadvertently teaching Wilbur that the people he loved would leave him, just as Phil had done to him in the past.

Phil could explain that all to Techno. Phil understood.

But he didn’t want to say it out loud. He wouldn’t be able to say all that in the same distant, calm tone he’d been using. Unlike the memory of the actual moment of Wilbur’s death, Phil hadn’t yet been able to numb himself to the guilt he felt for everything that led up to it.

He didn’t think he’d ever be able to. Deservedly.

“Wilbur’s mind wasn’t in the right place,” was all Phil said instead. “He thought winning L’Manberg back would solve everything, but it didn’t. When he realized that, he didn’t know what else to do.”

Techno stared ahead at the painting on the wall, still leaning against the counter. “I miss him.”

“I know,” Phil said, schooling his face into something that wouldn’t show all the emotions he was feeling inside. “Me too.”

“I miss him even though he used me just to win that battle,” Techno continued. “I still can’t believe he did that. I worked so hard for all that armor, and all those weapons and items. But he still went and created the _very thing_ I thought we were seeking to destroy. Why do I… Why do I still miss him?! Even though he completely betrayed my trust like that?!”

Techno’s words sounded familiar in his own ears.

This was very similar to the way he felt about Tommy.

Although, he hadn’t told Phil that a part of him still missed Tommy. He hadn’t told Phil that he was actively trying to push those annoying feelings away.

But Phil knew. Phil took one look at Techno and knew exactly what his son was thinking.

“When the people that we love leave us, they leave empty spaces in their wake,” Phil said. To accentuate his point, he stretched his wings out again, showing the bare, scarred patches peppered across them between clumps of burnt feathers. “Sometimes physically.”

Techno stared at the damaged wings. Without really thinking, he reached out and stroked the feathers. Their dry, charred texture felt foreign under his fingertips. He was so used to those wings feeling smooth and silky. As he’d grown up with Phil, he’d come to associate the smooth texture of those wings with safety, with protection.

_With his father._

And now it was just… gone. Replaced by those sad, irreparable wings in their place.

Gone like Wilbur. Gone like Tommy.

“Yeah,” Techno finally said. “I get what you mean.”

Phil turned and leaned against the counter like Techno was. The two of them stood there in silence for a moment, the sound of the rabbit stew softly bubbling behind them.

“I’m sorry I brought it all up,” Techno murmured.

Phil shook his head. “Don’t apologise. I was the one that asked you to say what was on your mind, remember?”

“I’m sorry that I listened to you and actually _did_ say it.” Techno let out a weak laugh. “Remind me not to do that again.”

Phil returned the laugh, then looked down at the floor, lost in his own thoughts.

Silence again. It was only a little less somber than the last time.

After a while, Phil spoke up. He looked back up at Techno. “Do you wanna do something to get your mind off things?”

“Of course I do. You know me.” Techno threw him a small smile.

“How about we get started on that base you wanna build?” Phil suggested.

“For the Anarchist Syndicate?”

“Yeah. What d’you say?”

Techno shrugged. “Sure. I wanted to build it in the portal room of that stronghold nearby. Y’know, the one that Ranboo found?”

“Right, right,” Phil chuckled at the thought. Of course the half-enderman was able to find a stronghold without ender eyes. Hell, the kid’s eyes _were_ ender eyes. “You think we’re allowed to go in there?”

“Into the stronghold? I don’t see why not,” Techno said. “Dream only said that we’re not allowed to go to The End. It’s not like we’re gonna open the portal or anythin’. I was thinkin’ we could turn it into a table.”

“A _table_?”

“Yeah. Wouldn’t that look cool?”

Phil laughed again and shook his head. An _End Portal_ , being used as a _table_. “Sure. Okay, Techno.”

“Cool. It’s settled, then. We’ll go when the stew’s finished cookin’.”

“We can just go now. It takes stew hours to cook. It’ll be all ready by the time we get back. I’ll ask Ranboo to watch the stove while we’re gone.” Phil paused, “Unless you want to bring him along with us?”

Techno hesitated. He stopped leaning on the counter and walked over to the door. “I dunno. I don’t fully trust him yet.”

“Oh c’mon, Techno.” Phil gave him a look. “He’s a good kid.”

“I dunno,” Techno repeated. He grabbed his cloak from the coat rack and started putting it on. “I wanna get to know him a bit more. This Syndicate, it’s gonna be a big secret. We can’t just be mentionin’ it to any person we think _seems_ nice.” He finished putting on his cloak and opened the door. “Nah, it’s just you and me for now. And we need someone to stay home and watch the stove anyway.”

“Okay, fine” Phil said, following Techno out the door. “Just you and me, then.”

─────────────

Ranboo managed to stop crying around ten minutes ago.

He picked up his memory book from where it had landed on the floor when he’d thrown it. He stared at the text again.

_:)_

_You blew up the community house :)_

_You had THE disc :)_

He remembered now - digging the pit, finding the chest, seeing the disc.

 _The_ disc.

It was gone now. He had checked the chest again and the disc wasn’t there - only a note that read _‘thanks’_ next to a crudely drawn smiley face. How the disc had been replaced with the note, Ranboo didn’t know. He was starting to question if he’d even seen the disc, or if that was just a figment of his imagination like Dream’s voice.

Now, sitting on his bed, all Ranboo felt was an overwhelming urge to _leave_ \- like a spike in his fight or flight response, which was most definitely choosing flight.

He shouldn’t be here with Techno and Phil. They wanted to live away from all the chaos. Ranboo was just bringing the chaos to them.

They wouldn’t be safe with Ranboo around them.

There was a knock at his door. His ears perked up.

“Hey Ranboo, you finally awake yet?” The unmistakable voice of Technoblade said. “We wanna ask you somethin’.”

 _‘We’_ implied that Phil was there too. Ranboo wasn’t ready to face them so soon. What did they want to ask him? Did they somehow know about the horrible things he’d done?

Ranboo put his book down on his bed and walked over to the door. He put his long fingers around the doorknob and took a deep breath.

He opened the door - just a few inches wide. He peered through the gap and saw Phil and Techno.

“Am I getting kicked out?” He asked, his voice low and vulnerable.

Both Techno and Phil raised eyebrows at him, exchanging a glance.

“What? No,” Phil answered. “You can stay here.”

“For now,” Techno added, his eyes squinting a bit. He didn’t want Ranboo to get the idea that they were _friends_ or anything.

“Okay, um, good.” Ranboo opened the door a bit more. His shuffled his feet nervously.

They must not have known, Ranboo thought. No one would want to keep him around if they’d known what he’d done.

He had to tell them. He couldn’t just keep _using_ Phil and Techno for their kindness, for letting him stay here. They deserved to know how bad Ranboo was.

“Can I, um…” Ranboo stammered, his eyes refusing to look anywhere else but at the ground. “Can I tell you guys something? Something that might… uh… that might _actually_ get me kicked out?”

Techno and Phil exchanged another confused glance.

“Um, okay? Sure,” Techno finally said.

Ranboo took a deep breath. It shook when he exhaled it. He could hear his heart beating in his ears. “Um, okay, so- so you know how I randomly have periods of time where I don’t remember the things that I do? Yeah, so um… you- you remember the old community house and everything?”

“Yeah?”

His heartbeat in his ears was getting louder. This was it. This was going to be the moment where he lost the only family he’d ever known. But he _had_ to tell them. They deserved to know what he did. “I uh… I was kinda the one that blew that up.”

Ranboo’s eyes still refused to look up. He didn’t see Phil and Techno’s reactions.

Eventually he heard Phil ask, “Are you sure?”

“Yeah,” Ranboo answered, despite not being sure at all.

Techno was the one to speak up now. “But… why?”

“I… can’t remember why.”

Phil and Techno looked at each other again.

Ranboo felt like he was going to start crying all over again. Phil and Techno’s silence just made him get more and more anxious by the second, trembling with dreaded anticipation. They were probably deliberating if they should evict him. Or worse, maybe they were deciding if they should kill him _right then-_

“Listen, I’m gonna be honest Ranboo,” Techno cut off Ranboo’s spiraling thoughts. “I don’t care about the community house at all. I don’t even really know what it is.”

Ranboo blinked. Gaining just the slightest bit of courage, he raised his head to look at two in front of him.

They… They didn’t _look_ mad…

“Yeah, we don’t really care,” Phil shrugged.

“We kinda came to the server later on,” Techno added.

Ranboo's mind felt like it was short circuiting. This didn’t make sense. He was _bad_. He did horrible things. Why were they still treating him like-

“W-Would you care if- if maybe I had a disc here?” Ranboo sputtered out. “Like one of _the_ discs?”

Surely _now_ Techno and Phil would kick him out. And they _had_ to kick Ranboo out. Ranboo had to leave. He couldn’t be around Phil and Techno anymore. He was bad and they were nice. He didn’t deserve them. He didn’t deserve-

“Oh, those things that Tommy goes on about?” Phil asked dismissively.

“Nobody cares about the discs, man,” Techno said, a small laugh escaping his lips. “It’s literally just Tommy and Dream who obsess over the discs. Don’t worry about that.”

Ranboo should’ve been relieved to hear those words.

But he wasn’t.

His mind just continued to spiral faster - down into the depths of a dark pit of negative thoughts. _Why wasn’t he being yelled at? Why didn’t they hate him? They should hate him. They should hate him. He hated himself, why didn’t they hate him too?_

“Oh, o-okay,” Ranboo tried to sound casual, like his composure wasn’t falling apart inside his mind. “That’s- that’s good. That’s good.”

Techno could sense something wasn’t right. But if Ranboo wasn’t going to bring it up, then he wasn’t going to ask. It wasn’t his business. Besides, he didn’t want to force Ranboo to talk about something that was clearly making him uncomfortable.

But Phil’s paternal instincts, however, decided to do the opposite. “Are you okay, Ranboo?”

“Y-Yeah!” Ranboo chirped, trying to sound as cheerful as possible. He felt his voice almost crack in his throat, held back along with more tears that threatened to spill from his eyes. “Yeah, I’m- I’m great. What did you guys actually come over here to ask me?”

Phil set his jaw. He knew something was up, but if Ranboo _really_ didn’t want to talk about it, then he wouldn’t. “Me and Techno are gonna go out for a couple hours. I’ve got food slow-cooking on the stove. I was wondering if you’d watch it for us.”

“Oh! Y-Yeah, sure! Of course!” Ranboo nodded. He’d do anything to make himself useful - anything to make himself feel like he actually _earned_ being here. “I’ll- I’ll go do that.” He quickly rushed out of his doorway and over to the cabin. “You two have fun!”

He didn’t wait to see what Phil and Techno would say back. He quickly ran up the cabin’s stairs and shut the door behind him.

He sat on one of the chairs by the fireplace - turning it to face the stove - and waited.

And waited.

But with the silence of waiting, his mind continued to race - a never-ending parade of _I don’t deserve them. I don’t deserve their kindness. I haven’t earned their kindness. I blew up the community house. I had one of the discs. I’m a horrible person._

He felt antsy in his seat. He needed to do something to distract himself.

His mind flashed back to what Phil had told him the other day - the day he’d given Techno his axe. _Actions matter more than words._

Ranboo stood up and ran back to his shack for a moment, then returned to Techno and Phil’s cabin with enough supplies to make them more gifts. He hurriedly dropped some crafting materials onto the smithing table and dumped a bunch of baking ingredients next to the stovetop. Then he got to work.

He mixed the ingredients into cake batter. While that baked in the oven, he worked on forging a netherite shovel.

At one point, Ranboo’s communicator buzzed in his pocket. He quickly pulled it out and read it, thinking he received a message from Phil or Techno. But it wasn’t from either of them. In fact, it was from the universal server message board, stating that someone new had portaled through the multiverse and entered the server. Ranboo squinted at the message.

“Who the hell is DreamXD?” He mumbled to himself.

After staring at his communicator for a moment more, he shook his head and put it back in his pocket. He didn’t have time to think about that. He had to focus on his work.

He hammered netherite against the diamond shovel he’d made. But the sound of the hammer clanging against the metal wasn’t enough to distract his mind. If anything, it only made his thoughts spirial more. _I’m doing this so I can be useful to Techno and Phil. I’m doing this so I can earn the right to live here. I’m doing this so I can be worthy of their kindness. I’m doing this to make up for the horrible things I’ve done._

Ranboo had just taken the cake out of the oven when the cabin doors opened. His head whipped towards the sound as Techno and Phil entered.

“Hey Ranboo!” Phil waved to him. He sniffed his nose. “It smells really good in here.”

“Yeah, I, um,” Ranboo managed to put a smile back on, forcing his voice not to shake, “I just thought I’d make you guys a couple things. To thank you for letting me stay here.”

“Aw, mate,” Phil smiled. “You didn’t have to do that.”

“It’s fine, I really wanted to.” He gestured to the cake. “That’s for you guys. A-And, also,” he stumbled over to the smithing table, almost tripping over his own feet. He grabbed the netherite shovel and brought it over to Techno, holding it out to him with shaking hands. “This is for you, since you- you seemed to like that axe I gave you. I didn’t know if you had a shovel already, but-”

“I didn’t, actually,” Techno cut off Ranboo’s nervous rambling. He took the shovel. “Thanks.”

Techno appreciated the gesture, but he couldn’t help but feel a little suspicious. First Ranboo was acting like he might get kicked out over some little things that didn’t matter, and now he was giving them a bunch of stuff? He usually liked gifts, but in this case, he felt like something weird was going on. Maybe he was just on edge from thinking about who he could trust enough to join the Syndicate.

He eyed Ranboo warily. He couldn’t believe he was going to ask this, but nevertheless, he said, “Is somethin’ wrong, Ranboo?”

Ranboo tensed. “Nope! All good here!”

“You’re acting like you did somethin’ wrong,” Techno continued. “And now you’re, like, trying to make up for it. You’re radiating guilt.”

A spike of panic went down Ranboo’s spike.

“Did you, like, accidentally step on one of the turtle eggs or somethin’?”

“No, no! I just… W-Well, y’know, I just thought… cuz the community house and the disc and all…”

“Dude, I really don’t care if you had one of Tommy’s discs or whatever,” Techno laughed a bit. “You don’t need to feel bad.”

“Yeah,” Phil added. “It’s really okay, mate. We don’t mind.”

And that’s when Ranboo’s brain finally just blue-screened. They saw through his gift-giving plan and they _still_ didn’t think he was bad. Ranboo’s endless, self-loathing thoughts did not compute with what he was being told. He still didn’t comprehend what was happening. Why did they not hate him for the things he had done? He didn’t understand. He didn’t understand. _He didn’t understand._

He didn’t realize he was mumbling that sentence over and over to himself until he felt Phil’s hand on his shoulder. “Ranboo?”

Ranboo flinched and looked up at Phil, tears in his eyes.

Phil’s heart melted. His voice immediately shifted to the one he used when comforting his children, rubbing his hand against Ranboo’s shoulder. “Oh, kiddo, what’s wrong? What is it?”

Ranboo tried to hold back his tears, but he couldn’t stop them. They fell from his eyes - along with words that forced themselves out of his mouth. “Why are you guys _being so nice to me?!_ ” He choked out a sob, struggling to breathe at a steady pace. “I don’t- I don’t _deserve it!_ ”

Phil’s hand froze, his eyes going wide. He felt like he’d blinked and was now suddenly looking at a young Techno. The similarities were uncanny.

Techno was frozen, too - barely able to breathe. He felt like he was looking in a mirror that saw into the past.

Never before had he heard a sentence that he had understood _so much_.

Ranboo noticed their reactions. Gods, he was just making everyone uncomfortable again, wasn’t he? When he next spoke, his voice weak and shaking, “I-I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m-”

“No, nuh-uh, none of that.” Phil quickly refocused on the present, his hand returning to stroking its gentle rhythm on Ranboo’s shoulder. He looked the boy firmly in the eyes. “Don’t say those things about yourself, because they aren’t true.”

“But it _is_ true!” Ranboo sobbed. “I’m a bad person! I don’t deserve-”

“ _Stop_ ,” Phil gently cut him off. “Listen, maybe you’ve done some things in the past that you’re not proud of, but that doesn’t mean you’re now labeled as a ‘bad person’, okay?” Phil’s eyes wore a knowing look - filled with a wisdom that matched his years. “Especially if you regret those mistakes you made - which it clearly seems like you do.”

Ranboo, through his hysterical tears, feverishly nodded his head. “I-I do. I do. I d-didn’t- I didn’t _mean_ to do those things-”

“Then that’s okay. Me and Techno aren’t gonna judge you for that, alright? Promise.” Phil’s thumb continued to rub comforting circles on Ranboo’s shoulder. “You’ll learn from your past, and improve to be better. I think you need to learn to _forgive yourself_ , kiddo.”

Ranboo let out a particularly loud sob.

“Yeah, see? You’re gonna be okay. And me and Techno will be here for you every step of the way. Right, Techno?” Phil looked over his shoulder at Techno, who still stood by the door.

Techno was still frozen, staring at Ranboo through the eyes of his pig mask. His mind was racing.

He’d never felt this _close_ to someone other than Phil before.

“Techno?”

Techno shook his head, snapping himself out of his thoughts. With his body on autopilot, he strode over to Ranboo and pulled him from Phil’s grasp. He put his hands on each of Ranboo’s shoulders and looked him dead in the eyes. “Look at me. You listenin’?”

Ranboo had tensed under the touch. He nodded, but didn’t look up - too scared to meet Techno’s intense stare. It was _Techno_ , after all. He was sure he’d be too intimidated to meet his eyes even without his half-enderman instincts.

“No, Ranboo, I want you to look at me.” Techno lifted one of his hands and brought it up to his face.

He took off his mask.

“Please,” Techno put the mask down on the counter and returned his hand to Ranboo’s shoulder. His voice had softened into something that even he _himself_ didn’t recognise. “I know you’re not a big fan of eye contact, but I want you to look at me. I wanna see that you understand.”

Ranboo didn't know what that meant, but Techno’s voice sounded so incredibly… _safe_ right now.

Ranboo sniffed back some of his tears, and looked up.

He met Techno’s eyes, and there was something there that Ranboo had never seen in Techno before - something he maybe caught a glimpse of way back when he had told Techno he heard a voice in his head. Something so deeply _understanding_.

It made him not feel adverse to the eye contact at all. He felt… _seen_. And not in a bad way.

“Don’t talk about yourself that way, okay?” Techno’s voice sounded so genuine and honest that it surprised Ranboo. Techno surprised himself, too. “I don’t wanna hear that kind of talk outta you anymore, because it’s not true. You’re not bad. Is that really what you think? That you’re a monster?”

Like how _Techno_ used to think, back before Phil took him in.

Ranboo could barely bring himself to say the answer out loud. “Yes,” he sniveled and nodded his head, tears shaking free from his eyes.

Every part of Techno was screaming to _help_ this kid. He didn’t even need the voices to tell him - he just felt it in his bones.

Techno vowed to himself that he’d help Ranboo, just like how Phil had helped him. Because he knew _exactly_ what it felt like to have your mind clouded by so many dark thoughts, and he didn’t want someone like _Ranboo_ to have to go through that as well.

“You are _not_ a monster,” Techno said - his voice adamant and determined. One of his hands moved from Ranboo’s shoulder to hold the back of the boy’s head, carding through the short hair. He continued to look into his eyes, making sure Ranboo was listening to exactly what he was saying. Making sure he truly understood. “Alright? I mean it.”

“But I… I blew up the community house-”

“Kid, are you forgettin’ that I blew up that entire country?” Techno didn’t laugh as he spoke. He was serious. Sure, it was a bit silly that Ranboo thought what he did was worse than what Techno had done. But Techno knew that Ranboo’s feelings were all muddled and confused and illogical in his brain right now.

Techno knew that. He knew _exactly_ how this felt.

“I don’t think you’re bad just because you blew up one buildin’,” Techno continued. “And how do you even know you did that, anyway? Didn’t you say it happened when you blacked out?”

Ranboo hicupped a sob. He might as well say it. He’d told Techno everything else.

“The- The Dream voice told me,” he confessed.

The room went silent.

“Dream voice?” Phil echoed.

Techno opened his mouth to explain for him, but Ranboo spoke first. “I-I hear- I hear Dream’s voice in my head sometimes. Around three times now.”

A worried look crossed Phil’s face, but he also couldn’t help but feel amazed. The kid had voices, too. He really _was_ a young Techno.

Techno returned his gaze to Ranboo. “ _That’s_ what the Dream voice has been telling you all this time? That you did all this stuff?”

Ranboo felt himself fill up with shame - but also… with relief. Relief that he got that secret off his chest. “Yes,” he squeaked out, before another wave of tears overcame him.

Techno set his jaw and tried to calm Ranboo down. His hand on the back of the boy’s head began to unconsciously comb through his black and white hair. “Listen, Ranboo… Dream isn’t a nice guy, okay? Take it from me, I know him pretty well. Whether the voice in your head is him or just a figment of your imagination - either way, I wouldn’t trust it.”

“Don’t you trust your voices?” Ranboo asked meekly.

“That’s different. And I don’t _all_ the time, but-” Techno shook his head. They were getting off topic. “It doesn’t matter. This isn’t about what the Dream voice says. What matters is how _you_ think of yourself. And you can’t let the Dream voice influence that opinion.”

Ranboo sniffed and nodded. “O-Okay.”

“You’re not a monster,” Techno repeated. “I wanna hear you say that, okay? You’re not a monster.”

“I-I,” Ranboo struggled to speak through his tears. “I-I’m not a- a monster.”

“That’s right. And you deserve…” Techno closed his eyes for a moment.

 _‘You deserve to be loved.’_ That’s what Phil always used to tell him.

But he couldn’t say _that_. That was… That was too much.

“You deserve to be treated like a person,” he decided to say instead, opening his eyes. “Not a monster. A _person_. Alright?”

“A-Alright.” Ranboo wiped his eyes on his sleeve. “I-I’m- I’m sorry that I’m bothering you guys-”

“No, no apologising for that,” Phil held up his finger and wagged it side to side. “You’re not bothering us, Ranboo. I promise. Right Techno?”

“Exactly. You’re not bothering us at all,” Techno’s serious tone remained. He needed to make sure Ranboo truly understood that. “And listen, if the Dream voice is ever upsetin’ you again, come talk to me.”

Ranboo stared at him, eyes wide. “Are- Are you sure?”

“Yes. I wouldn’t say so if I didn’t mean it.” _‘You don’t need to deal with this alone,’_ is what that translated to. _‘Let me carry some of the burden for you.’_

Ranboo wiped more of his tears away as he nodded. “O-Okay. Okay, I’ll do that. Thank you, Techno.”

“It’s no problem.”

Techno’s chest felt so warm - a rare, yet familiar feeling. The last time he felt something similar to this, it was with Tommy.

 _Protective_ , he identified. _Fraternal._

When Tommy betrayed Techno’s trust, he left an empty space in Techno’s house and in his heart. And Techno knew nothing could replace that space other than Tommy himself, but maybe it didn’t have to stay completely empty.

Without thinking about it, Techno took his hand that was behind Ranboo’s head and pulled the boy into a hug.

Ranboo froze, shocked, but quickly let out a shaky breath and melted into the embrace. Gods knew he needed it. “Thank you,” he said again, quieter this time.

“It’s alright. I gotcha.” Techno repeated words that Phil used to say to him when he was younger, rubbing his hand on Ranboo’s back. “I gotcha.”

After a long moment, Ranboo’s breathing finally became steady and even. Techno looked up and met Phil’s gaze.

Phil was smiling at him, his arms crossed against his chest. Pride sparkled in his eyes.

That look was enough to make Techno realize _what exactly he was doing right now._

He tensed up and took a step back, hastily releasing Ranboo from his arms. Suddenly, after making so much eye contact, he could not for the life of him look at Ranboo’s face. His eyes flicked around the room. “So, um, Phil, you think the food’s ready by now?”

“Oh yeah, definitely.” Phil said smugly, looking straight at Techno with a wide smirk on his face. He chuckled to himself and shook his head, then walked over to the stove. “And Ranboo’s made us this delicious-looking cake, too.”

“Right! Right, yeah,” Techno retreated to the safety of his mask again, affixing it to his face. He then walked over to Phil’s side.

Ranboo continued to stand where he was, dumbfounded by everything that had just happened. He looked down at his hands.

_You are not a monster._

He smiled to himself.

“Ranboo,” Phil called over his shoulder as he ladled some rabbit stew into Techno’s bowl. “Would you like some food?”

“Yes, please.” Ranboo scampered over Phil and took a bowl from the counter.

Techno walked over to the chairs by the fireplace and sat down, his bowl in his hands.

The voices were being extra loud at the moment.

_‘TECHNOHUG!!!’ ‘TECHNOHUG POG!!’ ‘RANBOO NEW BROTHER!!’_

“Guys,” Techno groaned quietly to himself. “Stop-”

_‘Technosoft!!’ ‘Techno loves his new brother!’_

Techno closed his eyes and hung his head. “Don’t make fun of me, Chat.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not me writing about Techno’s mask the same way I write about Tony Stark’s sunglasses in [my Irondad fics](https://archiveofourown.org/series/1421887) lmaooo
> 
> Hope you liked this long chapter! It’s long for the same reason the last chapter was long - for theme reasons lol. This chapter’s theme was empty spaces (as the chapter title says). Some empty spaces shown throughout this chapter were: the giant hole in the ground, the gaps in Ranboo’s memory, the holes in Phil’s wings, and the empty space Tommy left.
> 
> This chapter is also kinda like a retelling of canon scenes but making them angsty. I even directly quoted a bunch of lines from the streams. I have a couple more ideas for angsty-retellings like this, so look out for those in later updates. Also the reason why Phil’s always cooking rabbit stew in this fic is because I just think Minecraft rabbit stew looks delicious idk why I just think it does lmao.
> 
> I hope you liked the chapter!! Kudos and nice comments are always appreciated and encouraged!!! Thank you for reading! I’ll see you at the next update! <3


	7. Attack. Defend. Protect.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Techno lives with the voices in his head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter’s almost 7,400 words whOOPS I did it again haha.  
> My YouTube history is full of sword fighting tutorials - you know what that means! It’s time for another sparring scene!! (The only tutorials I can find that are good are two-handed longsword tutorials, so I tried my best to translate that into the one-handed sword fighting of Minecraft PvP. I’m sure it’s inaccurate but who cares we’re here to see brothers bonding while sparring, not accurate fight scenes lol.)
> 
> Also **warning** : Minor descriptions of violence in this chapter (nothing graphic).
> 
> Obligatory reminder - THIS FIC IS ABOUT THE CHARACTERS, NOT THE CREATORS!!! Anything portrayed in this fic (such as characters’ opinions, their actions, etc) are ONLY referring to the characters, and NOT to the creators.

The sound of wooden training swords clacking together filled the air as Techno and Ranboo sparred in the valley behind the cabin.

Ranboo narrowly managed to block Techno’s dull blade and push it away. Techno just came at him again, stepping forward and swinging his sword at Ranboo’s other side.

Ranboo was standing at the edge of the valley, with the gentle slope of the nearby mountain behind him. He hopped backward, landing a few feet up the slope - avoiding Techno’s attack and gaining the high ground.

But then he heard Techno chuckle to himself - and the next thing Ranboo knew, Techno’s sword had swiftly swept under his feet. Ranboo fell to the ground, landing on his back.

“Dammit,” he cursed under his breath, then got back on his feet.

Techno wore a confident smile. “ _Never_ let your opponent maneuver you up onto the high ground.”

“I thought having the high ground was a good thing.” Ranboo stood up and dusted himself off.

“For an army, yes. For a one-on-one fight like this, no. Watch,” Techno held his sword out straight and tapped the end of it against Ranboo’s ankles. “While I’m down here, I can easily reach you. Now you try and hit me without movin’.”

“Okay.” Ranboo held his sword out straight as well, pointing it down towards Techno below him. Even with Ranboo’s long half-enderman arm holding the sword, the tip of the blade barely managed to poke Techno’s forehead.

All Techno had to do was tilt his head back a little to avoid Ranboo’s sword touching him. “See? When you’re up higher than me, it’s much easier for me to hit your feet than it is for you to hit my head. Think of it like a triangle.”

Ranboo blinked in confusion. “What?”

“Yeah. The base of a right triangle - my sword - is shorter than its hypotenuse - your sword. Get it?”

After a second to process what Techno was talking about, Ranboo’s eyes lit up in understanding. “Ohhh!” He nodded his head. “Yeah, I get it. I get it.”

“Good.” Techno gave him a small smile. “Y’know, you’re gettin’ a lot better. I think I’m doin’ a pretty good job as your sensei.”

Ranboo laughed, which hid the enormous grin that had bloomed on his face after hearing the compliment. “Y-Yeah, you are. Thank you.”

Techno nodded at him in acknowledgement, then turned around. “Let’s get back on even ground.”

Ranboo followed Techno to the center of the valley. They then faced each other in fighting stances. Ranboo held his sword in a low guard while Techno held his sword more out in the middle between them.

Techno’s face then became serious - focused. “So, what should you always try to do first?”

“Clear the blade,” Ranboo matched Techno’s serious tone.

“Good. Show me.”

Ranboo bent his elbow to swing his wooden sword upward. It knocked against Techno’s blade, causing him to take a step back and move his weapon out of the way. It was clear that Techno wasn’t using his full strength and was allowing Ranboo to practice performing the proper movements.

“And now what should you do?” Techno quizzed. He brought his arm forward again, moving his sword from up high in a downward arc.

“Defend.” Lunging forward, Ranboo quickly held his arm up and turned his wrist to point his sword downwards, blocking Techno’s strike.

“Nice. And what guard position are you doin’ right now?”

“Hanging guard.”

“Very good.” Techno gave him a small smile.

Ranboo couldn’t help but smile widely back at the praise.

“Now move to attack me,” Techno continued his instruction, his face returning to its neutral expression.

“Uh, right, okay.” Ranboo made a circular motion with his wrist, maneuvering his blade around Techno’s to try and hit him where he was open on the other side of his body.

“Ah-ah, wait a sec,” Techno easily blocked Ranboo’s attack, stopping it in its tracks. “Do that move again.”

“O-Okay.” Ranboo stepped back a bit to get into his previous hanging guard position. Techno met his blade, and Ranboo circled his sword around to hit Techno where he had tried to before.

But Techno moved his sword to block the strike again just as easily. “See how much time you just gave me to block? That whole time you’re movin’ your sword in the air, you’re givin’ me time to defend against you.”

“Huh. I see.” Ranboo nodded, taking in the feedback. “So should I be quicker, or…?”

“You should be more efficient,” Techno advised. “Here, watch what I do. Take a swing at me.”

Ranboo swung his sword in the same way Techno had done towards him previously - in a downwards arc coming from above. Techno blocked in a hanging guard like Ranboo had done before - by holding his hand up and pointing his sword at a downward angle.

“Freeze for a sec. Keep your sword where it is,” Techno told Ranboo.

Ranboo obeyed and nodded his head again, his eyes wide and at attention.

“Now watch,” Techno carefully mimicked the maneuver that Ranboo had done before - moving his wrist in a circular motion to be able to go around Ranboo’s sword and hit him on the other side. Ranboo didn’t move his own blade, as he was instructed.

“See all this time I’m spending _not_ hittin’ you?” Techno said. He began to repeat the motion again. “No matter how quick you are, your opponent will still always be quicker to block that shot.”

“Right, cuz I could just-” Ranboo blocked Techno’s sword just as easily as Techno had blocked his before.

“Exactly, good. Now hold your sword back out again.”

Ranboo did, and Techno met it again with his hand up high and his sword pointed down.

“When you’re in hangin’ guard like this, it’s easier for you to just-” Techno brought his hand down from its upward position and thrust his sword forward. Rather than circling around Ranboo’s sword, Techno scraped his sword against Ranboo’s - forcing it off to the side - and continued moving it forward. Techno stopped his wooden blade right before it touched the exposed skin of Ranboo’s neck. “See? Rather than movin’ around to find a free space to hit you, I carved my own path to attack you where you weren’t expectin’.”

Ranboo kept nodding his head, his eyes shining - half in awe of Techno’s skill and half excited about _learning_ said skill. “Cool. Yeah I- I get it. That makes sense.”

Techno smirked. “You’re a bit scared to step forward into the opposin’ blade like that, aren’tcha?”

“Uh-” Ranboo averted his eyes and scratched the back of his neck nervously. “Yeah, that’s a bit- that’s a bit scary.”

“You can’t keep avoidin’ forever. You’ll have to create your own path eventually.”

Ranboo took in those words. “I… Right. Okay.”

Techno held his sword at the read again. “Let’s continue.”

They returned to their training duel, Techno attacking Ranboo a bit quicker this time. Ranboo fluidly shifted through the stances and guard positions he’d been taught, his thoughts running through each move he did - _inside guard, up, block left, opening at his shoulder -_

He blocked and dodged Techno’s strikes. But Techno also blocked all of Ranboo’s own.

Eventually, Techno disarmed Ranboo for the umpteenth time, sending his wooden sword flying into the snow.

Ranboo just let out a defeated laugh. He knew he could never beat Techno, but he _was_ doing a lot better than he used to. “I think that was a new record.”

“Yeah, you’re standin’ your ground a lot longer now.” Techno chuckled. “You’re doin’ really good. I think my audience retention rate is going up.”

Ranboo would usually soak in the praise, but Techno’s last statement confused him. “Your… what?”

Techno blinked, realizing what he said. “Oh, right,” he laughed sheepishly. “It’s- It’s just an inside joke I have with Phil. I’m talkin’ about the voices.”

“Oh! Right,” Ranboo forced a laugh back. “I get it.”

He didn’t get it. But he was too nervous to ask for clarification.

Techno knew Ranboo didn’t understand - he couldn’t without knowing Techno’s past. But Techno just wanted to move on from the awkwardness he’d created.

But how would he do that? “Uh…”

“Hey Techno!”

Thank the gods - Phil to the rescue. Techno turned to face the direction of his voice and saw him approaching from the cabin. “Hey Phil. What’s up?”

“I finished up my work,” Phil answered. “We can go whenever you’re ready.”

Ah, right. ‘Go’ as in ‘go work on syndicate stuff’. Phil didn’t mention it directly because Ranboo was there, and Techno still wanted to keep the syndicate a secret. But Techno still knew what Phil was talking about.

“Cool. We can leave in a second,” Techno told him, then turned to Ranboo. “Alright kid, I think that’s a good place to finish up for the day.”

Ranboo shoulders slumped a bit. “Oh, um, right. You two have fun.”

Guilt clenched around Techno’s heart. Damn feelings. He liked it better when he didn’t care about anyone except Phil.

But after witnessing Ranboo’s little breakdown the other day, Techno couldn’t help but feel closer to the boy - and more protective of him, too. Even if he wouldn’t admit it.

Techno looked away and tried to push down his annoying emotions. “You could use a rest anyway. You’ve been trainin’ for more than an hour now.”

“Right.” Ranboo didn’t look any less disappointed to stop sparring with Techno. “I guess I’m a bit tired.”

“See? What’d I tell you.” Techno sounded like he was trying to convince Ranboo that he was right - as well as convince himself.

“Mhm. Yeah.” Ranboo shifted awkwardly on his feet, suddenly feeling very out of place. “I uh… I wanna go for a walk in the woods anyway. Maybe I’ll find another cat to take home or something. I’ll go do that while you guys are out.”

“Good idea.” Techno’s eyes flicked towards the sun setting on the horizon. “Be safe, okay? It’s almost nightfall.”

Ranboo’s posture straightened in surprise at the words before Techno even realized what he had said.

“I mean, I just meant-” Techno sputtered, turning away from Ranboo completely, “Y’know, you should- Cuz like- Mobs at night, and stuff. Y’know, and like- It’s- It’s whatever. Phil, let’s- let’s just go.”

Techno sped off towards the cabin, his blue cloak billowing behind him.

Ranboo’s gaze drifted over to Phil, who was clearly holding back laughter behind his smile. He let it out as soon as Techno far enough away. “He’s getting there, Ranboo. Give him a bit more time.”

Ranboo let out a quiet laugh himself. “Right. Yeah.”

“For real though, be safe,” Phil said with a warm smile. “And don’t forget to eat something.”

“I won’t.” Mirroring Phil, Ranboo’s face began to smile as well, the disappointment from seconds before melting away. He waved to Phil as he turned away. “See ya later!”

“See ya, Ranboo,” Phil gave a little wave back, then made his way back towards the cabin.

Inside, he found Technoblade sitting in one of the chairs by the fireplace, his back facing Phil standing the doorway. Ever since Edward had moved in with Ranboo, Techno and Phil had the cabin all to themselves.

Phil closed the door behind him, a smug smile on his face. “You’re getting soft.”

“Shut _up,_ ” Techno turned his head to sneer at him.

The voices echoed Phil’s attitude in his head - _‘Technosoft!’ ‘Tsundereblade!’_

“What?” Phil gave an innocent look. He crossed the room to stand beside Techno’s seat. “I never said that was a bad thing. Quite the opposite, in fact. I think it’ll do you some good.”

The only response Techno dignified Phil’s comment with was a low grumble from the back of his throat. He looked towards the fireplace again.

“Hey, I mean it.” Phil leaned on the back of Techno’s chair. “I'm happy that you’ve made a new friend.”

Techno visibly bristled at the words. “Ranboo and I aren’t… _friends_.”

The smile fell from Phil’s face as he stared at Techno, blinking at him several incredulous times. “Mate.”

Techno gave him a defensive look. “What?”

“Are you _kidding_ me?”

“We’re _allies_ ,” Techno said pointedly. “Associates. Acquaintances. Isn’t that enough?”

Phil barked a laugh. “You sound like you literally looked in the thesaurus for synonyms for ‘friend’ just so wouldn’t have to say it.”

Techno groaned. “C’mon man. I already got enough people teasin’ me from inside here,” he gestured to his head, “I don’t need you doin’ it, too.”

“Fine, fine.” Phil smirked. “But just know that you’re not fooling me. You’re just scared that the _second_ you admit you’re his friend, he’s gonna end up betraying your trust somehow.”

Techno sunk a little into his chair, continuing to stare forward into the fire. Damn Phil and his damn father-instinct mind-reading abilities. Well, there was no use denying it. Not from _Phil_. “And what about it, huh? I have a reason to be on edge about this sorta thing.”

Phil sighed. “I know you do. But just because it happened in the past doesn’t mean it’s gonna happen again.”

“That’s what I thought before it happened the second time.” Techno side-eyed Phil. His voice sounded cold like the tundra outside - devoid of life.

Phil’s frown deepened. He sighed again and walked over to the countertop, picking up syndicate documents that were laid out on it. “Well then, I’m still glad that you’re opening up a bit around your new ally-associate-definitely-not-friend.”

Techno’s eyebrows pinched in annoyance, but he ignored the comment.

Phil continued to talk anyway. “He’s fighting a lot better now in your little practice sessions.”

“Yes, he is,” Techno said plainly, because it was the truth. “Ranboo’s a fast learner. And a good listener.” _Unlike some other kids he knew._

“I’m surprised Chat stays calm when you spar against him,” Phil remarked, gathering the last of the syndicate documents. “I remember when you used to train with Tommy when you two were younger. You wouldn’t be able to spar with him for more than half an hour without your voices acting up.”

Techno remembered, too. It hadn’t mattered that his sparring sessions with Tommy were only practice fights. Chat could barely tell the difference between that and real combat. After a while, they’d begin to shout their usual demands for blood.

It had led to a couple incidents where Techno had lost control. Luckily, Phil was always there before he accidentally ended up doing something he’d regret.

“I dunno what’s with Chat either,” Techno responded. “They really like Ranboo for some reason.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. Sometimes I feel like they know something that I don’t. It makes them, like… _weirdly_ protective of him.”

Phil smiled. “Maybe their protectiveness is rubbing off on you.”

Techno grumbled. He didn’t want to talk about this anymore. He stood up from his chair and grabbed his armor out of a nearby chest. “Let’s just get to the stronghold.”

─────────────

Techno first told Phil about the voices in his head many years ago. It was back when Techno was still a teenager, just a few months after Phil had taken him in.

They were exploring a server that Phil didn’t know too well, walking through a dark oak forest, when they suddenly encountered some more travelers - a large group of around ten of them. These travelers, however, turned out to be hostile. They began to threaten Phil and Techno, demanding that they must hand over all the items they carried, or else they’d be killed. These bandits must not have ever heard of The Blade or The Angel of Death.

Phil laughed at their poor excuses for intimidation tactics, his eyes obscured by the brim of his green and white hat. His hands reached down to his benihime sword sheathed at his waist, one hand grabbing the scabbard and the other holding the sword’s hilt. “I am giving you this chance now to step away and leave us alone.”

“And why would I do that, old man?” One of the bandits - seemingly the leader - scoffed back at him.

With a dangerous smirk still on his face, Phil turned to look at Techno beside him. Despite being only sixteen years old at the time, Techno was already a tall, looming powerhouse that radiated strength. And he was just staring at the bandit leader, murder in his eyes. He didn’t seem to blink.

Little did Phil know, the inside of Techno’s head was a loud, furious storm of _‘kill’ ‘kill him’ ‘kill them all’ ‘they threatened us’ ‘they threatened Phil’ ‘how dare they say that to Phil’_.

Phil turned back to the bandits and unsheathed his benihime just a bit, exposing a couple inches of the enchanted diamond blade - as this was still before netherite had been discovered. It glinted in the sun - a warning. “Last chance. I do not wish to hurt others if it is unnecessary,” Phil smiled wider, “but that doesn’t mean I won’t enjoy doing so.”

The bandit leader laughed at him again. “I don’t care if you have your fancy little sword, or if your pig friend over here is built like a tank. We outnumber you ten to two. So hand over all your items, unless you’d rather be killed.”

A dark chuckle escaped the back of Phil’s throat. He unsheathed his sword fully, the blade glowing purple with enchantments. “I’d like to see you try.”

Phil was the first to attack, his actions quick and precise. He lunged forward and aimed for the bandit leader’s shoulder, sinking his blade deep in an opening between two plates of his diamond armor. The bandit leader cried out at the intense pain, his voice losing anything remotely intimidating that it might have held before.

And with that, a battle broke out.

Phil and Techno were severely outnumbered - the bandit leader had been correct about that - but it didn’t matter. They made up for that disadvantage with their incredible skill. After defeating the captain, Phil found himself fighting off four opponents at once - expertly blocking their blades, nimbly ducking out of the way of their strikes when he needed to. He was light on his sandal-clad feet, like a dancer. Agile and elegant, he attacked each foe with each opportunity that arose.

Phil didn’t have the chance to see how Techno was holding out - his attention too focused on the four bandits he was currently fighting to the death with. But he didn’t have to look and see. Phil trusted Techno to be able to handle the swarm of bandits that surrounded him. He’d seen Techno fight many times now. He knew his talents with a blade.

Phil took out another one of the bandits in front of him - their body disappearing and their armor dropping to the ground around them as their soul went off to respawn. Phil had barely broken a sweat. Three more to go. He could handle them easily.

He raised his sword to block one of his foe’s incoming strikes.

\- And out of nowhere, Techno appeared beside Phil, and bodied the bandit to the ground.

He had charged in shoulder-first, knocking the bandit onto his back. Before Phil could even react to what was happening, Techno slashed down at the bandit’s neck with his sword - absolutely no mercy in his eyes.

In that brief moment where no one was aiming for him, Phil got the chance to look back to where he’d assumed Techno had been fighting off five enemies at once.

He glanced over his shoulder to see five piles of armor on the ground.

The last two bandits seemed to have noticed the remains of their friends as well. They started to turn around and run away, which Phil was perfectly content to let them do. Maybe he’d take out his bow and shoot an arrow in one of their backs for good measure.

But before he even had the chance to decide, Techno was rushing towards the fleeing opponents. With his sword still drawn, he struck each of them down like he was cutting through overgrown plants in a jungle. The bandits looked absolutely helpless under Techno’s ruthless attacks. He was not light on his feet like Phil had been. No, quite the opposite, Techno was a wrecking ball of heavy, brute force. There was still skill and technique behind the swings of his sword, but he moved more recklessly, more feriousiously, like a wild animal.

When the field had been cleared of all their enemies, Techno turned to Phil - the one remaining person standing.

Techno then began to charge toward him, his sword still in his hand.

With his eyes widening, Phil’s mind finally put together that something _strange_ was going on. He held up his sword in defense and spoke, steady and firm. “Techno, it’s just me.”

Techno didn’t seem to hear him, responding only with a low, inhuman growl as he swung his sword at Phil.

Phil managed to block the strike in time, despite the shock that currently coursed through his body. The attack was so intense that Phil’s hands shook under its force - he’d never faced someone _this strong_ before. He raised his voice to something more stern. “ _Techno!_ ”

Techno’s grip on his sword faltered. His head jerked up to look Phil in the eyes.

Phil looked back at him, his gaze strong and unwavering. “Techno, it’s me.”

With a sharp intake of breath, Techno’s hands dropped his sword like it had burned his hands. He stumbled backwards, almost falling to the ground but catching himself. His eyes flicked around frantically, taking in his surroundings. His hands shot up to his head, scratching at his scalp.

“Techno, are you okay-”

“I’m s-sorry, Phil.” Techno’s voice shook in a way Phil had never heard from him before. “I’m- I’m so sorry. I’m so… I’m so sorry.” Techno looked away and continued to step backwards. He kept dragging his sharp nails at the sides of his head.

“Hey, woah, wait a second,” Phil dropped his sword as well, rushing over to Techno’s side. “Calm down, mate-”

But Techno’s voice just grew more shaky and frightened. “I-I’m sorry! I lost control! They were being too loud and I couldn’t think straight! I couldn’t… They were so _loud_ -”

“Who was being loud?” Phil put his hand on the boy’s shoulder. He maneuvered Techno around to face him. “You’re worrying me.”

Techno sniffed, unable to meet Phil’s eyes behind his pig mask. He’d almost hurt Phil. _He’d almost hurt Phil._ Phil probably didn’t trust him now. He probably wouldn’t let Techno travel around with him anymore - let alone make him delicious food or help braid his hair. He’d ruined everything. He was finally happy in his life and he’d _ruined_ it. “I- I told you it was safer for me to be at that colosseum. I-I can’t control myself. I’m dangerous-”

“Hey. Stop that,” Phil lowered his voice to something softer, yet it still held a steady strength behind it. “Look at me, son.”

Techno tensed under Phil’s hand on his shoulder. He finally met Phil’s gaze again - eyes wide with shock. _Son._ The word echoed through his brain - like a lighthouse in his storm of thoughts, guiding him away from the fear that drowned him.

“I can barely see you with your mask on.” Phil’s concerned face slowly shifted into a more gentle expression. “Can you take it off for me?”

Techno nodded without hesitation - still stunned at hearing _that word_. With shaking hands, he slipped the mask off his face, revealing his terrified eyes for Phil to see.

The sight broke Phil’s heart. “Can you just tell me what happened? Who was being loud?”

Techno flicked his eyes away for a moment, then looked back at Phil. He let out a shuddering exhale. “I…” He closed his eyes, too nervous to see Phil’s reaction, “I hear voices, Phil. I hear… _countless_ voices in my head. All the time.”

And just like that, the dam holding back Techno’s greatest secret burst open. And once it was, all its contents rushed out of his mouth, the words moving so quickly past his tongue that he couldn’t stop himself from saying them. He had never trusted someone enough to tell them before, but if Techno knew anything about Phil, it was that he could _trust him_.

Son. _Son_ , he had called him.

“…And sometimes they just scream for blood,” Techno kept on talking after a whole minute of rambling about the voices, “and they’ll get so _loud_ that it’s like they’ve taken over my own thoughts, and then I can’t stop myself from wanting to just _stab something._ A-And I try to hold back, but sometimes I… I-”

“Lose control?”

Techno couldn’t meet Phil’s gaze again, but he nodded. “…Yeah.”

“And that’s why you took that swing at me just now?”

Techno shrunk back, his shoulders hunching in shame. He nodded again. “I-I’m sorry, really. I’m so sorry-”

“No more of that,” Phil rubbed soothing circles onto Techno’s shoulder. “I understand now. It’s fine.”

Because Phil _did_ understand now. Now, everything made so much _sense_. He’d seen Techno mumble to himself numerous times before. He’d seen him scratch at his scalp like he was doing now - probably an attempt to quiet the voices down. Now he finally had an explanation.

Techno sniffed, holding back any more of his emotions from pouring out of him. “So you’re- You’re not mad?”

“No,” Phil said in a light huff of a laugh, his voice gentle. “I’m not mad. You know, I’ve read about this kind of thing before.”

Techno’s eyes went wide. “You… You’ve _what?_ ”

“Very briefly,” Phil said offhandedly. “There is very, _very_ little information about such a thing.”

Techno just stared at Phil, dumbfounded. “H-How do you even know about it at _all_?”

Phil let out a small chuckle. “I know more than you think I do, Techno.”

Techno didn’t doubt that for a second. Phil had elytra wings. Phil had an Ender Dragon head mounted above the door to his house. Techno thought Phil was the most powerful, wisest man he’d ever met.

“What do you know about my voices?”

“I know that their origins are unknown, but researchers theorize that they come from the very fabric of the multiverse itself,” Phil answered. “They’re something… _otherworldly_. Something mystical that we may never fully be able to understand.”

Phil knew more than he let on. He’d read that there were certain places one could go - secret, sacred locations. Old temples where ancient peoples were able to speak to those voices and believed in them like a deity.

Maybe, in the past, Philza had visited some of those crumbling ruins of ancient temples. Maybe he was able to catch quick whispers of the voices himself.

( _‘Killza,’_ they had said - so quiet he could barely understand them, like soft breaths against his ears.)

“Scary things, aren’t they?”

Techno nodded - the fearful look on his face more fit for a boy his age than the stoic expression he usually wore. “Yeah. They can be.”

“But they don’t sound too different from the crowds that used to watch you at the colosseum though, don’t they?” Phil wore a clever smile. “Screaming for blood and violence like that.”

“I mean,” Techno shrugged, “I guess.”

“And those crowds at the colosseum weren’t scary, were they?”

Techno looked up at Phil, seeing where this was going. He shook his head. “No, they weren’t. But the crowds at the colosseum just watched me. They couldn’t like, _control_ me or anything.” Techno grimaced. “Not like my handlers.”

Phil shot him a stern look. “What did we say about how we refer to those people?”

“Right, sorry,” Techno mumbled. “The mob handlers. Not… Not _my_ handlers.”

“Good.” Phil gave a sharp nod. Then he took a breath, letting it out slowly. “I think you're viewing those voices in your head in a similar way to how you view those mob handlers.”

Techno looked away. Maybe he was. They both told him what to do, who to attack. They both made him feel trapped - whether it was in that cage or in his own mind.

“ _I_ think,” Phil continued, “that those voices you hear are much more similar to your colosseum audience, rather than the mob handlers. Maybe you should think of them more like that.”

“But my voices _can_ control me-”

“Maybe they won’t be able to as much if you think of them in a different way,” Phil suggested. “Those voices are in your mind. _Your_ mind. _You’re_ the one who has power over _them_. They don’t have to be scary. They’re just… an audience.”

The idea floated through Techno’s mind. He didn’t know if thinking of the voices with that mindset would change their behavior at all, but it was worth a shot. “Yeah. I… I like that. Sure.”

“Do they have names?” Phil then asked.

“I call them Chatter.”

Phil blinked, then chuckled. “That’s… That’s kind of a creepy name for them, isn’t it? Maybe we can call them something more friendly, like…” He thought for a moment, “Like Chat. You can call them Chat for short. That sound good to you?”

“Chat?” Techno felt how the name sounded on his tongue.

“Yeah,” Phil gave him a hopeful smile. “That’s a nicer name. Sounds like they just wanna have a lovely chat with you, rather than… _chatter_ , bouncing around inside your head.”

Techno gave a little laugh as well. “I guess.”

“Have they calmed down since the fight?”

Right, the _fight_. Techno had almost forgotten the thing that caused this conversation. “Yeah, yeah. They’re a lot better now. I think… I think they like their new name.”

“Oh yeah?” Phil smiled. “What’re they saying now?”

“Uh… Well…”

_‘Dadza!’ ‘Dadza’s the best!!’ ‘We’re an audience? Lol sure I’ll get popcorn then.’ ‘Are y’all forgetting he called Techno ‘son’?’ ‘He called Techno ‘son’!!’ ‘Dadza canon???’_

“They’re just… sayin’ how they like you.”

“Really?” Phil’s grinned. “Good, I’m glad. I was worried they didn’t, since they wanted you to attack me before.”

“No! “ Techno quickly said. “No, that- that was an accident. They just wanted me to attack _someone_. You just… happened to be there.”

“I see.”

“You’re actually, um…” Techno didn’t know if he should say this. “You’re the first person they’ve liked. When they realized I was attackin’ you, they screamed at me to stop. That’s… That’s the first time that’s happened.”

The grin on Phil’s face widened. “I’m honored they think so highly of me.”

They then both stood there for a moment, the silent air between them only a little awkward. Phil suggested they search the items the bandits dropped and see if they could find any cool loot. Techno agreed.

And ever since then, Techno’s voices had been a bit easier to manage. They were still chaotic, and they still had their moments where they made Techno lose control, but they were nowhere _near_ as bad as they used to be back when Techno lived under the colosseum.

And Techno owed that all to Phil.

─────────────

Progress on the syndicate was going great.

When Phil and Techno returned from the stronghold, it was already dark outside. The moon had just finished rising above the horizon line.

They walked home to their cabin, easily fending off a couple mobs along the way. Once inside, Techno planned on going straight up to bed, but he hesitated by the window. His eyes wandered over to Ranboo’s shack.

There was no smoke coming out of the chimney.

“He’s not home yet?”

Phil’s sudden voice beside Techno made him flinch. “I guess not.”

A worried look crossed Phil’s face, his eyebrows furrowed. “He said he was only going out to take a walk. That shouldn’t have taken very long.”

Techno tried to suppress his own worry rising in his gut. “Then he’s probably home by now. He just… doesn’t have a fire going.”

“It’s below freezing outside, Techno.”

Techno set his jaw. “Then he’s still out in the woods. So what? It’s fine. He’s very capable of defendin’ himself. He’s okay.”

Why did he feel so _tense_? Why was anxiety crawling up his spinal cord, shooting throughout his nervous system?

“I’m gonna message him,” Phil pulled out his communicator.

“Right. Good idea.” Techno began to pace the length of the room, too antsy to stand still.

After what seemed like _ages_ , Phil looked up and said, “He still hasn’t replied.”

Techno’s unease only grew, and the voices weren’t helping - filling his mind with overlapping shouts of panic.

“I think I’ll- I’ll go out and check on him,” Techno said, trying to sound nonchalant and failing miserably. He began to make his way back over to the cabin’s exit.

Phil raised an eyebrow at him, a small smile growing on his face. “You will?”

“Yeah, it’s- it’s whatever. It’ll just take a second,” Techno said hurriedly as he opened the door.

Phil’s grin widened. “Well, I trust you’ll be enough to help him. But if you need me, message me, alright.”

“Of course, yeah.” Techno rushed out the door and shut it behind him.

He ran down the steps outside and made his way over to Ranboo’s house. He knocked on the door. “Ranboo? You inside?”

No response.

Techno opened the door anyway. Maybe the kid was asleep already.

Nope. Ranboo’s bed was empty.

However, there was _something_ on his bed. Under closer inspection, Techno found that it was a haphazard pile of enchanted netherite armor and a netherite sword.

Techno’s eyes widened in realization. Ranboo had gone out into the woods right after they had just finished sparring. While they sparred, they didn’t wear their armor and only wielded wooden swords as weapons.

Ranboo must not have bothered to re-equip his things. Or he’d forgotten to do so. That latter option seemed a bit more likely.

Either way, that meant Ranboo was out in the woods at night with no armor and no proper weapon.

Techno grit his teeth and tried to push down his panic.

He wouldn’t be able to carry all of Ranboo’s armor, but he could at least bring the kid his sword. Techno grabbed it and rushed out the door, then sprinted towards the nearby forest, disappearing behind the spruce trees.

He combed the woods. It was snowing - nothing remotely heavy, just light, swirling flakes falling from the dark gray sky. The tiny, white particles stuck to Techno’s hair and to his blue cloak as he searched around every tree, looking for any sign of Ranboo - a footprint, or - gods forbid - a bloodstain.

It didn’t take long for Techno to find who he was looking for.

Ranboo was surrounded by mobs. There were a few zombies - all of which were wearing at least one piece of armor, and one of which was holding an iron sword - a couple of skeletons, a giant spider, and a creeper. Ranboo was trying his best to fend them all off single handedly with a wooden sword.

“Kid!” Techno shouted, out of breath from running for so long.

Ranboo glanced over at him. His eyes lit up. “Techno!” He heard a zombie groan beside him and quickly turned his attention back to the fight, blocking its iron sword with his wooden one.

Techno rushed into the fray, drawing both his own blade and Ranboo’s. He heard the infamous hiss of a creeper to his left. He lunged towards it, slicing at its mossy green body, taking it out before it could explode. One enemy down.

The voices in Techno’s head roared as he entered the heat of battle. They encouraged the familiar sensation of bloodlust to percolate down Techno’s spine - warm and angry. Chat’s chaotic shouting felt like buzzing in his ears - _‘Protect Ranboo’ ‘Blood for the Blood God’ ‘Don’t let them touch Ranboo’._ The noise sounded like hypnotic music, causing an addicting haziness to settle into his mind - but Techno blinked it away, as if he were trying to prevent himself from falling asleep.

Ranboo was still here. Techno had to stay in control of himself.

He finally reached Ranboo’s side. “Here,” he said in a low, steady voice as he passed Ranboo his sword. Techno heard the boy sigh in relief.

“Thanks.” Ranboo didn’t even bother to sheath his wooden weapon. He dropped it, replacing it with his netherite blade, and immediately slashed at the skeleton beside him. It fell apart after two quick hits. “Gods, this is so much better.”

“Still, keep your distance. Remember, you’re unarmored.” They were fighting back-to-back now, the snow lightly falling around them as they took on whichever of the surrounding mobs lunged towards them. “Watch my right - your left!”

Ranboo turned his head per Techno’s instruction, just in time to see the giant spider leaping up at him. Ranboo beat it down - sending it onto its back on the snow-covered ground - then stabbed it through the abdomen. Its wriggling legs fell limp around its corpse.

They continued to fight their foes, defending each other’s backs. More mobs approached them from the depths of the woods, alerted to their presence by all the noise they were making. The light snowfall continued to swirl around them.

The voices in Techno’s head were growing louder and louder - almost to a painful degree. The headache they caused only strengthened that mystical, hazy feeling in his mind - that comforting embrace of losing control that Techno kept trying to resist being swallowed up into. Still, even though he was capable of lucid thought, he felt the familiar, insatiable hunger for violence pulsing through his body.

But as familiar as it was, it also felt… _different_ . Different, as in it felt more _personal_ . Rather than just desiring Techno to fight for their enjoyment, the voices in his head had a certain determination in their tone that sounded like they had a _real reason_ for wanting bloodshed this time. 

Techno could sense what that reason was. Chat always had a soft spot for Ranboo. They must _hate_ to see him in danger like this.

As the battle wore on, Techno noticed that the voices were growing more and more in sync with each other - a very strange, uncommon occurrence. They were usually a chaotic, tangled mess of incoherent shouts. But as the fight had raged on, they had become more orderly, more rhythmic, more _hypnotic_.

It soon all culminated together, and in a moment of rare cooperation, the hundreds of thousands of voices all chanted in an uncanny, frightening unison -

_‘BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD’_

Over and over again, the phrase was collectively repeated by the thunderous chorus of endless voices - each word loud and clear, echoing throughout Techbo’s mind. An overwhelming ache pounded through his head, like the very force of the voices’ chant was able to physically beat against the inside of his skull.

So loud, so unbearably _loud_ … Techno could barely think straight. It _hurt_ to try and think straight. His mind was too crowded with _blood for the blood god, blood for the blood god, blood for the blood god_ -

His train of thought soon merged with the voices’ deafening prayer.

His last restraint snapped, and he fell into the mystical haze that filled his mind, giving in to the trance that soon overtook him.

Techno’s eyes glazed over, and his body swayed instinctually with the dance of combat - a ruthless and deadly waltz, with the voices keeping time in his head with their magical, rhythmic chant. The way he moved was inhuman, like a bloodthirsty predator hunting for his prey in the wilderness of the snowy forest. A growl resonated from the back of his throat as he cut through each enemy like they were nothing. They _were_ nothing to him.

He was the Blade. He was the Blood God.

He carved through zombie after skeleton after spider, painting the white snow with rotting blood and bones. And it felt so _good_ . Waves of pure _power_ ran through him as he defeated each enemy. He wanted more, _more, more_ -

But soon there were no opponents left to fight. Surrounding him were just the corpses of mobs sunk into the blood-soaked snow on the ground.

The battle was over.

Like scattering rats, the voices in Techno’s head fell out of their ordered unison and suddenly returned to their usual chaos. Some still excitedly screamed for blood, while others turned their focus towards _‘Ranboo!’ ‘Check on Ranboo!’ ‘Help Ranboo!’_

The sudden shift from the voices’ hypnotic rhythm to their usual disorder gave Techno whiplash, causing his trance-state to falter. He blinked several times, gaging his surroundings. Slowly, he began to regain control of himself again.

Trying to focus through his hazy mind, he heard Ranboo’s voice from behind him, “-chno? Techno?”

“Stay back!” Techno quickly stepped away from Ranboo, trying to think clearly through the bloodthirsty fog in his head. His voice was hoarse, with a glimmer of fear underneath it’s harsh tone. He could still feel the aching desire for violence thrumming throughout his body, simmering under his skin. The hand not holding his sword shot up to rub the side of his head. “Stay away. Stay- Stay away from me.”

Ranboo did the opposite, taking a concerned step closer to Techno. “Do you need help? What happened-” 

“I said _stay away_ from me!” Techno snarled, his tusks bared. He kept stepping backwards until he felt himself collide with the bark of a tree behind him. He pressed his spine flat against it, his breathing quick and ragged.

His hand still clutched tightly onto the hilt of his sword. The adrenaline of the battle still rushed through his veins. _More, more, he needed more_ -

Techno turned around and plunged his sword _deep_ into the trunk of the spruce tree, the incredible force splitting the wood with a loud _crack_.

He forced himself to take deep breaths - in through his nose, out through his mouth.

Techno sank to his knees, still facing the tree. He gathered handfuls of snow from the ground in his palms and brought them up to his face. He let out a low groan as the icy sensation against his skin shocked his system, chasing the haze in his mind away.

After a minute of holding the melting snow to his face, he put his hands down and let out an exhale - exhausted and relieved. 

It was over.

“Techno, are you… okay?”

Techno’s head whipped around to face Ranboo. His first instinct was to respond with a clipped ‘I’m fine’, but he held his tongue. He supposed Ranboo posed a valid question, after having just seen all of _that_.

“Yeah Ranboo, I’m… I’m good now.” Techno sighed and heaved himself up onto his feet.

Ranboo shifted nervously on his feet. “Um… If I may ask, what happened?”

Techno was tempted not to respond, but he figured the kid deserved an answer. “Sometimes Chat gets a little too carried away with their otherworldly influence over me.” He didn’t look at Ranboo as he spoke - instead, he faced the tree behind him and attempted to pry his sword from its trunk. “Doesn’t happen _nearly_ as often as it used to in the past, but it still happens every now and then.”

“Oh.” Ranboo’s voice was quiet. “I see.”

Techno pulled his sword free, then sheathed it at his hip. “Sorry if I, um… if I scared you. When I yelled at you. Sorry for that.”

“O-Oh, no, it’s alright-”

“I just didn’t want you to get near me,” Techno admitted. He still couldn’t bring himself to look at Ranboo. “Didn’t want to… accidentally hurt you.”

A spark of warmth flicked in Ranboo’s chest. He gave a little nod. “I understand.”

Techno finally turned around, but he still didn’t meet Ranboo’s eyes. Instead, he walked straight past him, in the direction of the cabin. “C’mon. Before any more mobs find us. I’m sure Phil’s worried.”

“R-Right, yeah. Okay.” Ranboo hurried to catched up with Techno, then fell in step with him by his side.

They walked in awkward silence through the snowy forest. Techno’s mouth was pressed into a thin line that bordered on a frown.

“Um,” Ranboo eventually spoke up, desperate to break the tension. “I uh… I didn’t let any of those mobs knock me onto any high ground, y’know.”

Despite himself, Techno gave a small huff of a laugh. “Good. You remembered the triangles.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Imma be honest with you guys, I was SUPER nervous to post this chapter, cuz it’s kinda personal to me. So I have anxiety and OCD and that basically means that I get a lot of really bad intrusive thoughts. And while the voices in Techno’s head are some kind of multiverse-magic and they obviously don’t represent any sort of real-life mental illness or anything, I still lowkey LOWKEY projected some of my experience with intrusive thoughts onto Techno’s experience with Chat. Like I often feel super overwhelmed by intrusive thoughts and feel like they ‘control’ me. Just replace Techno losing control of his body and taking out a bunch of mobs with me having panic attack ahahahaaaa. But yeah, once again I’m coping by writing fanfic lol. It’s what we writers do. The advice Phil gives about how Techno is the one who has power over his own mind, that’s literally what I tell myself when my intrusive thoughts get really bad. Anyway, sorry for getting personal here. I just wanted to mention this. Maybe if you have bad intrusive thoughts too, I hope this helped you? Take Phil’s advice. It’s useful.
> 
> I really hoped you guys liked this chapter!! As always, kudos and nice comments are appreciated and encouraged!! Thank you so much for reading! I’ll see you in the next update!
> 
> EDIT: Oh my god you guys in the comments are so incredibly nice and supportive. I'm actually tearing up from some of your words you guys are the best. Thank you so much <3 <3

**Author's Note:**

> I made a little [moodboard fanfic trailer thing](https://starprincepunk.tumblr.com/post/643294450887557120/by-starprincepunk-a-dream-smp-fanfic-that-focuses) on Tumblr for this fic if anyone wants to see it! If you like this fic, consider reblogging that post maybe? If you do, thank you very much! I appreciate it <3
> 
> [Here's my Tumblr](https://starprincepunk.tumblr.com) and [my art Tumblr](https://starprince-art.tumblr.com) if you're interested. And if you wanna read my other Dream SMP fics, they’re all [right here!](https://archiveofourown.org/series/2123094)


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